Air travel stories nice or nasty (lighthearted)

[HappyAgainOneDay]

I was on a long haul flight and a stewardess flight attendant was serving redwine out of a bottle. Someone jogged her arm and wine was spilt onto my light blue, cotton blouse. A wipe didn't help so the conscientious stewardess took the blouse away to rinse it (I was wearing a tee shirt underneath) but it made no difference. To keep me warm overnight, I was presented with a First Class cabin sleepsuit pair of pyjamas. I was so pleased.

PS the red wine stain did come out of my light blue blouse

Thanks for posting that Bristol Stool Chart, WarofTheRoses. For reasons I won't go into, my DH has closer encounters with his poo than most people. It has left him rather keener on categorising it than before!

But back to airlines. Probably the nastiest flight I took was with United to NY. They clearly had a policy of making economy passengers so uncomfortable that they'd book business or first class next time. In fact they constantly suggested, over the PA system, that passengers "treat themselves on your next flight with us". No chance.

Nothing truly dreadful occurred but things went downhill when the FA ran her trolley into the ankle that had never properly healed from being broken. When I, politely, said that this had been very painful she answered "Is that my fault?" Quite why she bothered to push the trolley anywhere was a mystery since most of the food ran out long before it got to economy so vegetarians were handed meals with meat in them and some people just got peanuts! Any complaints were met with "The flight is full". If it had been a short haul flight it wouldn't have mattered but 7 hours of surly, foodless flying was a bit much.

It's odd, isn't it Summerisle1? When I flew United (Heathrow-JFK-Heathrow weekend round trip for a business conference) I thought the FAs were absolutely charming - and we were only in economy.

A PP, upthread, described American Airlines crew (albeit off-duty) as so crass and rude that she now refuses to fly AA.

Years ago I went to Amsterdam for a hen weekend; the bride and hens were from the UK but I flew in from a different country. We decided to sample the local delights and ended up buying some 'special chocolates' as not many of us smoked. After I checked in at the airport to fly home I found a rogue chocolate in my hand luggage so scoffed it before going through security.

An hour later the plane took off and oh boy, I did too. As luck had it, I was sitting next to a sweet little old Scottish man who wordlessly handed me Cadbury's Heroes throughout the entire five hour flight. It was the best flight EVER

I once took an international flight with...two other passengers. I sat at the front, another one in the middle, another one in the back. We were treated like royalty and the FA even asked me if I'd mind if the passenger at the back smoked. I didn't, and he happily puffed away. True story!

Another time I was upgraded to First Class on a flight to NY but they wouldn't give me champagne, only orange juice. I was 35 at the time

As a kid I flew on my own transatlantic a lot

sitting and having my lunch in the cockpit with the crew was a treat
but actually riding up and down in the lift on a 747 takes the top rank

bottom was :
circling outside JFK for 50 minutes I threw up
into the briefcase of the businessman next to me

Oh, just remembered another. My, then DP, and I were flying short-haul somewhere and had economy seats. We had a friend who was a DHL courier at LGW. He knew which flight we were on and, unbeknown to us, sweet-talked the check-in crew. We only discovered when we got on the plane and we were upgraded to Seats 1A and 1B in First - free champagne in proper glass 'glasses', nice food etc. Thanks, Martin, wherever you are now

Flying home from he Channel Islands. 30 of us in one work group.
That poor, poor FA.
We all mimicked her as she did the safety drill and she collapsed in fits of giggles.

Lindt70Percent and fuckmeblind, love your stories

This is a bit boring compared to everyone else's. On the way back from our holiday, DP was sitting in the aisle seat. The man in the other aisle seat next to DP was taking forever sorting out his hand luggage, all the while shoving his massive bum cleavage inches from DP's face. I was pissing myself. And DP was too polite to tell the man to get his bare arse out of his face, but grumbled loudly about personal space

I'll never forget a flight 24 years ago from Moscow to Ulan Bator. I had a window seat and could not understand why there was a draught from the window. There were no blankets given out and I was sooo cold. I kept thinking that I'd be sucked out if the window fell out.

I have several tales so will think of them again.

On my first ever business class flight (excited :) ) London-Singapore a stewardess suddenly appeared at my shoulder with another passenger and said that unfortunately my seat was doublebooked...she asked me to go with her & my heart sank at the thought of being bumped into economy....but she then led me to first class! It was ace - they try to learn yr names(!) & we got fab gifts too....never come close to happening again though.

I love flying. On a flight to Melbourne via Malaysia with 6 month old in the bassinet, dd had finally fallen asleep and i had managed to put her down, the flight attendent came to us and asked if we would like our food now whilst baby was asleep. They also asked us if we neexed any bottles or equipment sterilising. When she woke up they offered to take her for a cuddle so we could get some rest and enjoy the peace

I seldom had my bag searched on arrival in any W African airport. They always seem rather in awe of a white person (which is sad, but there you are)
But once, I arrived in Dakar (Senegal) and for some reason they decided to ask me to open my bag. I always travel in the Tropics with loads of huge white cotton knickers, the ones that come up to your bra. I often have 40 or more in my case. The very officious Senegalese man rummaged around and found them. He pulled several out and actually waved them about. Everyone could see. I stood my ground, and when he asked, "Ce sont quoi madame?" I replied, " Quarante enormes slips monsieur, comme vous voyez!" He was amazed, but let me pass. I bet he thought I was the dreaded English Knicker Smuggler.

I haven't had any particularly good or bad experiences on flights, but I still think about the Vietnamese girl I sat next to on a flight back from Malaysia a few years ago. We chatted a bit and she told me she was moving to London and would be meeting her fiance for the first time at Heathrow. I really hope they got on OK and that it was a genuine marriage.

Oh, and once when I was flying home for Christmas, I offered to hold a baby while his mum got her seatbelt sorted out. He was dressed in a wee Santa suit and looked extremely cute!

During the summer of my second year at uni I went to Mexico to do some volunteer work with street kids in Mexico city. My flight back was delayed by 6 hours then when I finally made it back to England we were left sitting on the Tarmac for 4 further hours with no water or access to the toilets. Then when I was allowed off the plane was told that my luggage would be sent home for me just need to ring this number in the morning. Rung said number to be told I should have filled in a form the previous night at the airport cue very jet lacked me sobbing down the phone to the poor guy on the other end as all the clothes I need for a kids camp i was leaving for the next day were in my case and any other useful clothes were at my house share at uni a 3 hour drive awy from my parents house. Rubbish end to an amazing month.

A few of both. I have a visual impairment and travel frequently. On a Vietnam Air flight that left HCM City for Hue at 6 AM, there was a "problem." One minute, I was drinking my coke, the next, a stewardess put my oxygen mask on. I knew something was wrong, but was alone in the front row and hadn't seen the masks. We went back to HCM r airports didn't have a mechanic... We waited 8 hours for a new plane. VN Airlines gave us a chicken leg with rice and water and an older Vietnamese lady was tearing my chicken with her hands! No knives or forks!

On a flight from Singapore to London last year, I had food poisoning....

I was refused on both Tiger Air and Hong Kong Express because I was alone. I fought with both and got on. Tiger Air is known for discrimination, unfortunately.

On a VN Air flight this year, a stewardess from Hue gave me steaming corn on the cob.

As a child I used to fly between Florida and the UK alone, so many Virgin staff got to know me and bought me a gift on my 16th birthday.

On another Vietnam Air flight, after the mask incident, the stewardess made my iced milk coffee after I told her I was afraid of flying.

hatespiders i love it

I once flew Aeroflot to BAngkok (via Moscow, Tashkent and Delhi) many moons ago. The staff just gave out 1/4 litre bottles of blue label Smirnoff and left us to get on with it. All the seats were knackered and folded down into one big bed. The loo doors had no locks. It was my first long haul flight and i thought to myself "it's not like this in the movies! I never used my return ticket.

Years ago I boarded a flight to Paris and settled myself in my seat, with two spare next to me. It was for business so I was a bit tense, being young and first meeting abroad. A group of girls my age were obviously on a jolly near me and were chatting and laughing then fell silent. I looked up from my book to see the most handsome man striding down the aisle. It was like the diet coke advert:) he sat next to me! He was LOVELY and we chatted all the way to Paris and he gave me his number. Never called him as had bf ( often kicked myself as bf turned out to be rubbish)

Years later, travelling with tiny dc, diverted from Birmingham after 8 hour flight, landed, took off again, total nightmare. Struggled with trolley, and then a lovely chap just took over, it was like rent a perfect partner. He managed the trolley, sorted car hire, loaded car, did baby seats, programmed the sat nav and drove away - remarkably his car was next to mine- with a wink and a smile.

I was once on a long haul with a newborn and a toddler and the FA said to wait and she would help with the sling, bags etc. it was only when the cleaners arrived I realised shed forgotten all about me and left! The cleaners were lovely though, and sorted me out.

I flew alone with ds to los angels when he was 9 months. everyone was so helpful, a women across the aisle said as soon as I got on when I needed the bathroom, a little nap or wanted to eat she would hold ds. so she did and seemed overjoyed to be doing so understandably as I was collecting our luggage a few people came over to tell me what a wonderfully good baby he is not quite repeated on the return journey

another flight from Dubai to Sydney ds (4) was sat in between myself and a man. we got chatting he made lots of fuss over ds and as we were getting off the plane gave him $20 to spend and thanked him for being such a good boy

On a flight from Dubai to Moscow, the plane developed a technical fault over Iran and we had to turn back (cue panic from yours truly who hates flying). . We were in business class and the crew were great at soothing nervous passengers and on arrival back in Dubai they gave us each a full box of yummy luxury chocs as they had not been able to serve them in flight. We eventually took off again after an 8 hr delay.

Best flight was probably first class VIP service on an Emirates A380. No mixing with the riff raff, a private car across the tarmac to and from the plane; last on and first off the plane; escorted through customs with no waiting to a chauffeur driven car - f a b u l o u s.

One of the worst flights was Moscow to Madrid on an Iberia 737. For the first 2 1/2 hrs of the 5 hr flight the crew sat at the back chatting before we were finally offered a drink. By this time, the Russians on board who all open their duty free in flight were very "relaxed" and we were gasping for any kind of drink.

Oh mateysmum that is the life dreams

My DH and I had landed at Dubai for refuelling or something and the stop was just for 90 mins. We asked the FA if we could stay in our seats so we didn't have all the faff. The buses took all the other passengers off into the terminal. After a while an official asked what we were doing there (reading magazines) and we answered that we had permission. It wasn't quite gunpoint but uniformed officials escorted us off the 'plane and onto a bus with one accompanying us. We had time just to visit the washroom when it was time to go back to the aircraft. Our magazines had disappeared.

On a domestic flight in Brazil, the plane took off but within five minutes there was a horrible burning smell and an announcement in Portuguese that we were going to land in an army airport. My traveling partner was verging on hysterical which was very annoying and compounded my thoughts about him. The air hostess knew I spoke Spanish came and asked me if I would talk to a group of nuns who didn't speak Portuguese and were upset and worried. I left my friend and sat talking at to these nuns telling them all about my trip across Brazil. We landed.

It was the closest approximation to Airplane my life has yielded, to date.

mateysmum, Iberia are one of the worst airlines ever. And I can say that with full knowledge, I'm Spanish.