Splitting the bill

[Fallingovercliffs]

I know this topic probably comes up every Christmas but how do people feel about this?
I was out with some friends a couple of nights ago and we all had more or less the same amount of food and drink, but when the bill came someone took out their phone and started calculating who had what and how much each person owed. A couple of us said 'Look, we'll just split it. Less complicated' but they insisted on doing the 'Susan didn't have a starter. John had a beer before the rest of us got here' stuff.
AIBU to think this is incredibly petty?
Obviously if someone wasn't drinking I'd make sure they didn't pay for any of the wine. Or if I ordered a very expensive main course I'd insist on throwing in a few extra quid. But otherwise, just split the bill!!

For those of you saying 'it evens out over time' I disagree. If you like to have three courses and a lot of booze, it's likely that you always order that way. Whereas the 'vegetarian and mineral water' isn't going to suddenly start ordering the seafood, fillet steak and loads of wine are they?

juan

I just typed something similar...and then lost it!!!

Last time it happened to me it was at a friends birthday meal and I ended up paying for the remainder of the bill, and I had to pay the tip

Put a complete damper on my friends meal

I think it really depends who you are with. I like an easy life and in general will just split the bill, i can cope with paying a few extra quid.

However, I have two friends, siblings, who are notoriously tight with money except for meals out. About 12 of us meet for dinner 2/3 times a year. these siblings will each order 3 courses, the main will be lobster/steak/lamb - anything expensive, they'll order 2/3 sides to share with each other and get stroppy if anyone asks for a taste, they'll have a beer each pre meal, insist on wine for the table, have another beer each during the meal plus a spirit & mixer with desert. Then they'll say 'let's split the bill'. After the third meal of this type I had to pipe up and be the bitch and refuse to split the bill. Their meals are easily double the cost of everyone elses, if not more, and I don't think it is acceptable that they expect their friends to subsidise them. Quite frankly these two take the piss and I hate going for dinner with them! If these two aren't in attendance then we split the bill as everyone will have 3 courses and a couple of glasses of wine.

We usually split the bill but if we have more we will suggest that we split it 40-60 or whatever is appropriate.

If we are going out and know we are going to eat light and not drink we usually suggest two bills at the beginning by saying that we aren't going to order a lot. The wait staff are usually more than happy to do this.

Or if we have eaten a lot we offer to pay the tip.

The key is, deciding at the start of the evening (or before you go out if it's something arranged in advance.

Like most people, I don't mind just splitting if it comes to around about what I'd pay anyway, but it can be vastly different if you've had a couple of glasses of tap water and someone else has put away and aperitif, a bottle of wine and a 'night cap' - or the same differences with meals.

I never want to embarrass the person who is on a limited budget so always get it clear upfront, and point out to the wealthy that not everyone can afford to "just" pay a fiver over what their bill would otherwise come to, and that difference might well be the difference between them being able to come out or not.

We always split the bill evenly and hope any inconsistencies even out over time.

I probably drink more wine, but never have coffee, fizzy water or pudding, so that puts two glasses in the bank.

I used to be of the 'FGS just split it' mentality, but some new people have recently made their way into the group I usually go out with, and last time I realised I had paid 25 pounds for a dish of passanda, some naan and a coke (not even rice as I don't eat it). Turned out the woman the other end of the table had several side dishes and G&Ts with her meal, all for the same price. Nice!

I don't think it's one size fits all is it? Some people prefer to just pay for themselves and some don't want the fuss. It's not always due to personal finances either.

YY to not forgetting that soft drinks are not cheap either! Reminds me of when I went for lunch with some colleagues on a leaving do. Me and a friend decided to share a bottle of wine but no one else wanted alcohol, however they were knocking back pints of diet coke at about £3 a go. When the bill came I suggested splitting (it wasn't an expensive wine) and the others were aghast at 'paying for our wine' so wanted to pay for what we each had. The non-drinkers ended up paying more than us as the soft drinks were so expensive.

I'd suggested splitting on the basis that I knew it would even out with the cost of the wine, but if they had all had tap water I'd have taken the lead on suggesting that us wine drinkers paid for what we had.

Wouldn't most reasonable people be happy with whatever was most fair?

I generally opt for paying your share and a majority of meals I've been to are like that. Personally think it is rude to gorge and drink and expect someone who has spent £15 on the food and drink that they consumed to then pay an extra £10-20 to subsidise the rest of the party.

If I go out with a friend or just two others and we were all having a main and a starter/pudding and sharing bottles of wine then I would be more inclined to split it. But then it's fair and we're all too tipsy to work out who had more glasses of wine etc and no one feels ripped off.

Ps I prefer to pay my share as in for what I had whether I was the one who consumed more or less - if I feel like going for it with three course I would feel bad if my friend had 1 and I couldn't drink and expect someone else to pay for me (unless I was being taken out for a treat - usually my parents) - I'd spend the whole time feeling guilty or not having as much as I was wanting to.

It depends.

I went out for a hen do recently and we all split the bill, but as I was the only one who'd had wine I threw in an extra £20. Everyone was really grateful I'd done this and kept saying 'no don't worry' but I insisted. Why should anyone else pay for my alcoholic drinks? And vice versa!

Thank goodness our Christmas do is an all inclusive with a free bar ! :)

I tend to go along with what everyone is doing but as someone who generally only has one course and doesn't drink I do tend to end up subsidising other people. I am too much of a coward to object. shame on me.

For anyone who has mentioned it, can you explain why the payment method should be agreed beforehand? Is there some inherent difference between agreeing before you order or after you've eaten?

Personally, I am happy to split if everyone's eating roughly the same, but I don't know whether they are until the bill comes and I work out whether my 'split' is roughly what I would have expected to pay for what I actually ate.

I have sometimes plucked up the courage to suggest we pay separately when the amount in the 'split' came to more than double what I knew I had actually ordered, but I wasn't paying attention to what everyone else ordered at the time so I didn't mention it until I realised when the bill was split and it was so much more than I was expecting to pay.

When I lived in Europe a few years ago, the waiter would always ask at the end of a night out whether we wanted to pay all together or separately, no matter how big the group. If we opted for separately, the waiter would in turn ask everyone what they'd had. They did, though, always serve the wine in individual small jugs, so you weren't having to split the cost of that. Shame they can't do the same in restaurants here when it comes to paying.

I much prefer to split equally. But if I've not had much then I want to be given the option not to split, then be magnanimous. If that makes sense.

Also I'm still pissed about a couple of occasions when I was pregnant and got stung for huge drinks bills from the same few piss taking friends. When someone's had so much less than everyone else it's just not right that they should pay more.

I find it better to agree beforehand if everyone is paying separately because that way everyone can keep a mental note of how much they spent. I don't tend to remember the prices of things unless I make a conscious effort to, but if everyone does the same then you can have everyone put down money for what they had without the need for the long conversation of what everyone had while asking for another menu so you can check prices.

It just makes actually paying the bill a quicker and less horrible an experience. Although it does rely on everyone being trustworthy.

However, I have two friends, siblings, who are notoriously tight with money except for meals out. About 12 of us meet for dinner 2/3 times a year. these siblings will each order 3 courses, the main will be lobster/steak/lamb - anything expensive, they'll order 2/3 sides to share with each other and get stroppy if anyone asks for a taste, they'll have a beer each pre meal, insist on wine for the table, have another beer each during the meal plus a spirit & mixer with desert. Then they'll say 'let's split the bill'. After the third meal of this type I had to pipe up and be the bitch and refuse to split the bill. Their meals are easily double the cost of everyone elses, if not more, and I don't think it is acceptable that they expect their friends to subsidise them. Quite frankly these two take the piss and I hate going for dinner with them!

I wonder will they still continue to go out with the group now that they have to actually pay for their own stuff, instead of having everyone else subsidising them.
Fair play for calling them on it.

In general, I'm ok with just splitting it. However, it is totally untrue to say "it all evens out in the end" - it really doesn't. As a vegetarian, my food is almost always cheaper than everyone else's. Similarly, my teetotal friends are virtually never going to eat enough food or drink enough soft drinks to make up for the alcohol bill over time.

I also don't really agree with "you have to agree how you're splitting the bill beforehand". The other day, I went out with friends to a very meat centred place. I ordered a veggie burger for £8. They could have ordered meat burgers for around the same, at which point I'd have been happy to split the bill. Actually, they all ordered steaks and meat heavy sides. The bill came, "It's £35 each". Um, no.

We have a friend who is vegan and pretty much t-total, as a general rule when we go out for a meal with her it's agreed that she'll pay for what she had and the rest of us will split the bill because her bill is always about half what everyone else is, but with everyone else I know we all have about the same amount, so it's nor really worth working out individual amounts.

Unless we go to Yo Sushi... people eat and drink such vastly different quantities that after the first few times of getting bitten I insist that everyone tots up their own damned plates and drinks at that place!

DoJo I tend to find if some people think the bill is being split they'll order more than if they're paying their own way, they're the same people who get quiet upset if at the end of the meal someone says "Oh, can we pay just for what we ordered, I'm a bit tight I'm funds" because they've ordered extra on the assumption that the non drinkers / single course eaters will take the hit and they won't end up paying any more.

Do people actually go into a restaurant and just order tap water to drink? I get quite thirsty so always order a large glass/jug of tap water, but then will always pay for a drink - whether it's a coffee, a soft drink or something alcoholic.

It seems very tight-fisted to only order tap water.

I think most of us, myself included always tend to underestimate how much our own share should cost.

I'm not sure if those who suggest splitting the bill when they've consumed more are doing it deliberately or are just unaware.

I remember when we were on holiday with our friends with the 2DCs each and I suggested we split the bill, my friends DH was horrified when I told him their share and thought I was trying to put one over on him. It took me to get the menu and show him how much an adult portion of moules et frites cost ( yes you pay the same even if a child eats it) and that cans of coke were 3.5 euros each.

Equally there has to be some onus on those who aren't consuming as much to come forward. I remember a mums night out where I was totting up the bill, had almost got to the end, when I remembered the one mum who arrived mid way through the meal and just had a starter and water. We were all more than happy for her just to pay for what she had, but had I (in my slightly sozzled state) not remembered this, would she have gone home unhappy with paying so much for so little and complained about it on this thread, when she didn't bring it up proactively herself or chime in as soon as the bill arrived - I had x starter and water so here's a tenner from me.