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AIBU?

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Original poster

Splitting the bill

253 replies

Fallingovercliffs · 02/12/2014 13:47

I know this topic probably comes up every Christmas but how do people feel about this?
I was out with some friends a couple of nights ago and we all had more or less the same amount of food and drink, but when the bill came someone took out their phone and started calculating who had what and how much each person owed. A couple of us said 'Look, we'll just split it. Less complicated' but they insisted on doing the 'Susan didn't have a starter. John had a beer before the rest of us got here' stuff.
AIBU to think this is incredibly petty?
Obviously if someone wasn't drinking I'd make sure they didn't pay for any of the wine. Or if I ordered a very expensive main course I'd insist on throwing in a few extra quid. But otherwise, just split the bill!!

OP posts:
OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 02/12/2014 16:45

Why do you need to know at the beginning though?

Or is it because you are happy to order three expensive courses, wine, coffee and brandy if you think the rest of the table is going to help you pay for it, but not if everyone is paying for what they had Wink.

Buttercupsanddaisys · 02/12/2014 16:56

A group of girl friends. Someone brings along a girl not previously not known to us. I say that I fancied a last minute deal week in Spain, anyone interested? Only strange(r) was free, so we booked it next day.Met at the airport. Both agreed to a glass of wine before the flight. I said I'd go up to the bar to order and, btw, fancy some chips? So we both had wine and the bowl was put between us.

When it came to pay she said that she wasn't paying for half the chips cos I'd eaten more of them than she. She'd counted.

Different meals,(she English, me Spanish) different bills, but only I left a tip...

Go to look round a church, only I put something in the box/on the plate, etc.

And on, and on...

I swear my eyebrows were so permanently raised during that hol you'd think I'd had a diy eye job..

Shock
OnlyLovers · 02/12/2014 17:10

It's really petty if it's only a few quid and it usually, IME, evens out in the end –someone who has a steak/three courses one time will have something smaller next time etc.

If someone doesn't drink, though, they shouldn't be factored in to the drinks bill.

I used to have to go to dinner about twice a year with a group of about 10, (a residential weekend to do with professional training). Every time, we would split the bill this way, with non-drinkers not paying the cost of the booze but otherwise split evenly. Every time, one person would have soup and one glass of wine and then complain at the end that they didn't want to split it, they'd only had soup, it was too much money etc etc.

It was so fucking tedious and awkward. I know people's finances are different and she wasn't wealthy. But we got given MONTHS' notice of these things; I'm not wealthy either, but I'd bloody well start saving for dinner and all the other expenses as soon as we were given the dates. It's not hard.

Vitalstatistix · 02/12/2014 17:14

I think it's one of those things that has to be agreed beforehand. Either it's a straight split, or drinks separate or order totally separately, etc, they're all fine as long as everyone knows that's what's happening in advance.

It's that Bill moment that is awful if it hasn't been decided.

Never assume. Always ask what's going to happen because different people have different expectations and tend to assume everyone does it their way.

TheJiminyConjecture · 02/12/2014 17:16

I'm lucky that most of the people I end up going out for meals with are fair when the bill arrives.

However, the thing that gets on my tits is when people magically forget that drinks cost. It seems to be booze sticks in people's minds but soft drinks don't so it's more obvious if you eg. go for breakfast . I don't care if you have a glass of coke/ an oj and lemonade or a coffee. If your breakfast is £5.50 and you ordered £3 of drink, your total is £8.50. Don't then say "oh I've only just got a fiver in cash, it's only 50p you don't mind do you?" It's not the amount it's the principle

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 02/12/2014 17:19

Agree at the start. If you start debating once the bill has come that's far too late!

sleepyhead · 02/12/2014 17:26

I've got a group of wealthy "friends" who I can't go out with now. They insist on splitting, make horrible comments about the stinginess of people who want to pay proportionately to what they've eaten/drunk, and have a habit of ordering extra sides, bottles etc "for the table" so it's impossible to work out what you might end up paying.

I'm not wealthy. I can't afford to eat with them, but to be honest I think they've become a bunch of rude, self centered boors who have clearly forgotten that time in our common history when we were all counting the pennies, so it's no loss.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 02/12/2014 17:27

I would wholeheartedly say to split BUT

A formative experience as a student involved this. Went to stay witha frined who was studying nursing. she had friends who were slightly older, American, and student doctors. We were invited out to dinner in a group of around eight.. The doctors ordered a seafood platter - you knwo thee kind that ceoms on a raised tray on ice: not cheap!

I had cash with me to spend and get home on, I was budgeting my meal very carefully.

They split the bill at the end and I didn't have enough money. It was SO embarrassing, in the end one of the American doctors paid the bit I couldn't afford!

Looking back from the other side of forty it seems incredibly narrow minded of them to do this and not realise a student wouldn't be able to afford this, and then not to rearrange the proportions when it became clear I couldn't pay!

I digress : YANBU if you're all on peers, but not if one of you is a 19 year old student Wink

Myearhurts · 02/12/2014 17:33

I think it depends on the relationships of people involved and how often they meet up.

If you eat out together regularly it's probably better to split it because over the months it will probably even out.

If it's an odd occasion though and you've budgeted carefully I think you should just pay for what you've had.

Interestingly as a non drinker I've noticed that soft drinks can be just as expensive as alcoholic ones in some places. I've occasionally had people bowling in and saying 'But Myearhurts doens't drink, she should pay less' and then I point out that my drinks cost just the same!

Tobyjugg · 02/12/2014 17:39

Yes it is unbelievably petty. We split bills evenly by the number of couples and the one couple who wanted to do the "X didn't have a starter but Y had 3 rolls" were quietly dropped from our invitations.

GraysAnalogy · 02/12/2014 17:45

It's not petty if your friends are actually skint and just wanted to order something small so they could still enjoy the night out with you.

I wouldn't dream of putting my friend's in that position.

Vix286 · 02/12/2014 17:50

I saw this and thought it might be about me! I would have always agreed with you OP and split the bill, but over the years pregnancies and people moving away and driving more meant that drinkers and non drinkers were quibbling the amounts.

After one "memorable" night where people were refusing to put more in to get us up to what we owed we started to split drinks and food. I organised the Christmas meal this year and set out how we were working out the bill splitting food and drinks out and reminding people about the tip! In my experience people throw in what they think they owe but neglect the service charge.....

Catzeyess · 02/12/2014 17:53

Much prefer to pay for what you have, so much fairer all round, is no hassle and means no one feels hard done by - the only expection really is where there has been some kind of 2for1 deal

FaithLoveandGrace · 02/12/2014 17:54

I think it depends on the situation. A few times I've been out with a friend and we've had the same thing or bought several things and had half each (if you see what I mean) and so we've both paid the same amount. However, if out with a big group when everyone is having different for example when with work colleagues, I personally would rather just pay for whatever I've had. I don't think it's fair that I should subsidise others or others should subsidise me.

But I'd feel differently if I was on more money. DP and I currently have very little expendable income but I've been on significantly more in the past and I don't think I would've been too bothered about all paying the same. I do think it should be agreed beforehand - not because others want to order more if others are subsidising but simply because it means everyone knows where they are and it's less embarrassing than having to say you can't afford to split when bill comes.

3boys40 · 02/12/2014 18:26

timely tbread. I am going out on Friday with a group of mums. Many of them have a reputation for drinking but I will be driving. May need to give them the heads up And order my meal and drinks separately.

Pinot4me · 02/12/2014 18:27

I think it depends on the group of friends and how often you go out.
I once went out with 3 friends - One ordered 3 courses (think lobster starter, fillet steak etc) and one of the other girls had 1 course (a dish of pasta) we all had about the same amount of wine. The friend who didn't order much was doing that because she was skint. When the bill came Mrs 3 courses said 'we'll just split' and mrs 1 course said no. Mrs 3 courses then went on to say,' well I wouldn't have ordered this much if I'd have known we weren't splitting it' she then said she couldn't afford to pay for what she'd ordered (wtf) - it was so awkward! Some people are cheeky and just try their luck IMO

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 02/12/2014 18:33

I don't understand why you would want to just split the bill. Even if you order a few drinks and so on its not hard. Unless you can't add a few numbers together. If you can't remember what you've had then just ask to check the bill.

And of course it's always the one who objects to splitting who is labeled a cheapskate. I think it's the ones who have drunk twice as much etc who are really the cheapskates.

Selinasupreme · 02/12/2014 18:38

A friend of mine does this at EVERY meal even though she always wants to try a bit of everyone's meals and always misses bits off hers and denies she's ordered x,y and z. Me and DH hate all that and if the bill is ever short we always cover it to avoid embarrassment.

It's best to pay for drinks at the bar so there's no fuss regarding who's ordered what.

windchime · 02/12/2014 18:50

This was a problem I encountered last Christmas on our work outing. I hadn't been with the department for long, so I didn't know everyone. Some people there had moved on but been invited to the meal. I was totally skint and had about £15 in my purse (as did a few of my colleagues). I had a main course and a drink, knowing I could easily pay for it, but, when the bill came, the ones who had downed drink after drink, plus three courses of food, wanted to spilt the bill. We still laugh about the slanging match which followed.

GokTwo · 02/12/2014 18:58

I'd never judge someone for paying for their own. I have friends who are really well off and friends who are struggling for money and I'm in the middle. I can see exactly why someone would be unhappy to split the bill.

JuanFernandezTitTyrant · 02/12/2014 18:59

At least part of the reason I like to split the bill is that I've never been for a meal where we all pay separately where the money hasn't been short. Everyone looks around as if to say well it wasn't me. I can usually tell who is the one who's fibbing and it hacks me right off. It's often the one who's had to leave early Hmm

GokTwo · 02/12/2014 19:03

On the other hand I have a very rich relative who is incredibly stingy and who often tries to avoid paying at all! That IS annoying!

Only1scoop · 02/12/2014 19:05

Yanbu I hate all that....erm....who had the extra beer and side of onion rings?? Please Confused

AnotherRandom · 02/12/2014 19:07

Me and my friends always split if we have eaten and drank roughly the same.

However I would never split if others have had a lot to drink as I never drink and that would increase my bill significantly.

At our Christmas work do we split the cost of food but there is a separate drinks bill. We all pay for our own drink and this has never caused any problems.

WooWooOwl · 02/12/2014 19:16

I much prefer splitting the bill.

Getting calculators out and passing the bill round while everyone discusses what they had just spoils a pleasant night out. It is just tacky and awkward. The worst is when you go through all that and it turns out there's only a difference of a pound or two anyway.

Thankfully nowadays I only tend to eat out with people who would throw in extra money before splitting the rest of the bill if they'd had anything particularly expensive.