Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting the bill

253 replies

Fallingovercliffs · 02/12/2014 13:47

I know this topic probably comes up every Christmas but how do people feel about this?
I was out with some friends a couple of nights ago and we all had more or less the same amount of food and drink, but when the bill came someone took out their phone and started calculating who had what and how much each person owed. A couple of us said 'Look, we'll just split it. Less complicated' but they insisted on doing the 'Susan didn't have a starter. John had a beer before the rest of us got here' stuff.
AIBU to think this is incredibly petty?
Obviously if someone wasn't drinking I'd make sure they didn't pay for any of the wine. Or if I ordered a very expensive main course I'd insist on throwing in a few extra quid. But otherwise, just split the bill!!

OP posts:
maddening · 09/12/2014 20:13

But op - if you can afford a main, a couple of drinks and a tip then why can't you afford to enjoy a meal with friends ? You just can't afford to subsidise said friends.

BlueberryWafer · 09/12/2014 20:34

Luckily my works Xmas do is at good old wetherspoons! So we can all pay separate Grin classy workers we are!

murmuration · 09/12/2014 21:06

I'm always relieved when someone does that. I'm too shy to do it myself, and have gotten quite burned several times. Now that I'm actually finacially stable, it does matter so much, but in the not-so-distant past it's led to some very uncomfortable situations. I think mostly people who are used to splitting really don't notice what other people are having.

DH and I don't drink, and we went out with a large group of his friends. We were also quite tight on money, and only ordered £7 entrees to eat. Everyone else had starters, desserts, alcohol, other drinks, etc. When it was done, the split came down and we were told it was £40. We were a bit shocked, being over twice what we had expected to pay, but we stumped up because we figured it was the cost of being social. Then it came out it was £40 per person! DH went ballistic, and they sorted it out with us just paying the one £40.

A few years before we went on a group holiday, and the first dinner out was split. DH and I used half our food budget that night, to pay for some small entrees at a fraction the cost. One friend noticed and spoke with us, and then I assume others, and we didn't do that for the rest of the holiday -- good thing, as we had to eat very sparingly for the rest of the week.

Just last night we had a work dinner out -- work was subsidising the out-of-town guest plus a little extra. Because I don't drink and had no dessert, I actually ended up paying about £3 more than my meal, whereas everyone else got a bit of a discount. Not a problem for me now, although a little annoying that I paid extra to socialise for work, but I just think the splitting thing has too much unknown in it.

I'm afraid that represents 75% of my bill splitting experiences, only having had one more where all 4 people ordered exactly the same thing and it made perfect sense.

Unless you're really confident that everyone in the group is finacially comfortable, I think paying what you order make the most sense as a default.

murmuration · 09/12/2014 21:06

does not matter so much

RojaGato · 10/12/2014 05:33

I think it depends what the group is and how people have behaved.

If everyone is good friends, has had roughly the same, then split it.

However I have been to these two social events and I think that though one person argued very strongly for just splitting it, it was right not to.

  1. Work night out in London. Vouchers saved out of Evening Standard to get good deal at local restaurant. Attendees ranged from Director on over £150k pa to part-time admin person who was lucky if they were getting £10k a year. some lower paid members of staff very careful to drink only tap water, have two courses not three on a set menu were you had to have two or three courses. Director has three courses, aperitif, wine, mineral water, coffee, brandy- thinks we should just split it. I suggested (fullt-tme but junior,had three courses and a glass of wine) say that it would be fairer to tot it up as some people only had two sourses, didn't drink etc. Genuinely because I was horrified that the part-time person would have to pay at least double what he consumed and there was no way he could afford it, when he had scrimped to come as a special treat because everyone was coming. Boss was a git though- he collected everyone's contribution in cash, paid by card and pocketed cash. What he wrote on the cc slip was exactly the bill amount and he kept what everyone else had kicked in for the tip for himself. To be fair he lasted less than 12 months after that.
  1. Went on a hen night to an italian place- everyone went for shared starter and the pizza/pasta special at £5.95, plus copious house wine. One girl (not the hen) ordered lobster and then a fillet steak. Just came from a back ground where she had never had to think about money and thought no-one else did either. The hen just decided to take her aside and say.
BringMeTea · 10/12/2014 06:14

A divisive topic along the lines of guest shoes on or off. Personally I hate dining with people who want to pay individually, UNLESS there is a huge discrepancy such as arises if someone is not drinking and others are consuming q a lot of booze. I am an inveterate overpayer and tipper btw. So, do not assume all bill splitters are trying to pull a fast one.

Just find the faff and round and round discussions a bit soul destroying.

BrendaBlackhead · 10/12/2014 07:59

Pil were on a SAGA coach tour in America.

They were full of the fact that their tour guide had had to have a talk with them about tipping in restaurants. They were not leaving tips and two restaurants had said that SAGA were not welcome back.

Someone described on another thread, the "Fuck Off Tip" which is an insultingly small amount and worse than no tip at all. I remember fil once proudly saying he'd get the tip and trying to put 12p on the table. Dh nearly combusted, especially after we'd paid for the pil's meal.

LoisHatesChristmas · 10/12/2014 09:34

The problem is I don't really notice what others at the table are/aren't eating so I think if your on a budget on a night out you should say up front, bit awkward but better than paying double than you've had. I generally don't mind splitting but most of my friends are the same.

LoisHatesChristmas · 10/12/2014 09:37

brenda Shock That's just nasty, and rude I would be livid too!

murmuration · 10/12/2014 09:45

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that perhaps for those on higher incomes a default is split the bill, but for those on lower, the default is to pay for your own?

I would find it extremely unusual to announce at the beginning of a meal that I was planning to pay for only what I was eating -- as that would be stating the obvious and considered a bit odd (and perhaps rude to assume that others would be thinking differently, as if I didn't trust them and expected some sudden rule changing at the end). I've only encountered bill splitting 4 times in my life, but have been out to many more meals with others than that: hundreds, I dare say, meaning from experience it happens in the single percent frequencies or less.

Tipping is problematic as well. I remember once recently where DH and I calculated our amount plus a bit over a 20% tip (this was in the US, and there were multiple BLW under-1yo at the table, who had made an unholy mess). Someone then collected the cash and paid the whole bill by card, adding a 5% tip only. I noticed and we dropped an extra $10 on the table, but I still felt bad for that didn't even bring it up to 15%, the US standard.

BringMeTea · 10/12/2014 09:53

I cannot abide non or mean tippers. And I am by no means wealthy. Unless I receive shoddy service I will tip minimum 10%. I have known people take back the change for a meal in Thailand where the change is equivalent to around a pound. I will then put at tip down plus the retrieved change. It is so parsimonious. (Off topic sorry)

OnlyLovers · 10/12/2014 10:18

I'd say 15% is closer to the UK standard than US, murmuration. I've been challenged by waiting staff over 'only' leaving a 15% tip, and that was several years ago. I think the expected tip in the US is closer to 20%.

But tipping is a whole other thread (and would need a sub-thread for tipping in the US!)

LoisHatesChristmas · 10/12/2014 10:22

My circle mainly split. If I'm really skint I just don't go out or meet up after the meal for drinks. Luckily my finances are up and down so most times I can afford it. If my income was always low then I wouldn't want to miss out on a social life and I would probably need to say upfront to friends. Its the squabbling and nit picking once the bills came that gets awkward and can ruin the atmosphere of a night out.

slithytove · 10/12/2014 10:52

Would enjoy a tipping thread

squoosh · 10/12/2014 10:58

Tipping threads are pretty dull.

'It's rude not to tip'

'It's ridiculous to tip'

and on and on..............

MiddleAgedandConfused · 10/12/2014 10:58

Most people have been at the stung over bill splitting- we have friends who always order the most expensive items on the bill when they know the bill will be shared.
And my friend last week got hit with a £13 drinks bill with dinner when all she'd had was water.
So my view we have to accept that if people want to split the bill, that's fine - and stick up for our friends if they need to but they are being shot down as petty!

OnlyLovers · 10/12/2014 11:10

No they're not! You get horror stories about being chased down the road by waiters (happened to friends of mine), having small tips flung back at you by staff, stand-up rows about who didn't put enough in ...

murphys · 10/12/2014 11:14

We went out with a group last week. One of the mums from our dc sports club arranged it, and we were of the understanding it was a night for the boys and parents of the club. I was shocked actually that she had arranged it, as she doesn't even go to the matches or attend any of the sports events, but she arranged the year end farewell....

When we got there, there were a bunch of people we didn't know. A table for 40 was booked. It appears that the women who booked invited every Tom, Dick and Harry she knew. They got there before us and the empty drinks glasses were already on the table. It was so disorganised as about 60 people arrived, so all of us that knew each other from club were about 25 people only. So we decided to arrang a completely different table outside, and left them to it inside.

It was a set price menu so we just put in the amount that each family needed to pay and then paid in for drinks, with extra for the tip for our table only. Then the 'organizer' came over to our table as we were about to leave and asked us to sort out the bill. We said, we had already paid and were sorted. It would appear that her 40 "friends" had eaten, and drunk very merrily and then put money on their table and left. When the time came for the bill, she got a mighty shock as people had not left enough for cover all those expensive drinks too. I am just thankful we did our own thing, as we could just see it coming.

She had to pay in the difference which was a lot I heard a few days later, and now is trying to get all the money back from the rest of them. In all honesty, I think she thought she would score a free meal for arranging the night, but unfortunately it didn't quite work out that way.

A bill for 40 people can really add up to a lot.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 10/12/2014 11:19

I would like to see a tipping thread where someone can give a sensible answer (not just 'it's the done thing') as to why (in the UK) it is expected that waiting staff must be tipped for simply doing their jobs, mostly to an adequate standard at best, when it is almost unheard of people who do similar jobs for similar pay (retail mainly) to receive tips.

squoosh · 10/12/2014 11:25

You sound like you've already made up your mind re. tipping and I have an inkling that no reason given would constitute what you consider to be a 'sensible' answer.

december12 · 10/12/2014 11:25

I agree Ilkley. I can't get my head around tipping a waiter but not a shop assistant, a taxi driver but not a bus driver, a hairdresser but not a nurse....

Original poster
Fallingovercliffs · 10/12/2014 11:45

I am surprised that so many people think that those who eat and drink more at meals are the ones most eager to split the bill. In my experience most people are very fair about trying to pay extra if they've ordered the most expensive main course or had a couple of glasses of wine while waiting for other people to arrive. Yes, you'll occasionally get someone chancing their arm or just not thinking, but it's very rare in my experience.

OP posts:
writtenguarantee · 10/12/2014 12:01

You sound like you've already made up your mind re. tipping and I have an inkling that no reason given would constitute what you consider to be a 'sensible' answer.

is there a good answer?

'It's rude not to tip'

'It's ridiculous to tip'

there is a third answer. I tip out of sheer obligation. In some places (the US is the most obvious example) the tip is an expected part of the wage. People actually get paid less if they work as a waiter, so without tips they aren't making even minimum wage. So, I don't like tipping, but do because it's expected. I essentially tip whatever the expected going rate it no matter the service (unless it's completely usual one way or the other).

What bothers me about tipping is it has gone from an optional something extra for better service to completely compulsory (it's starting here, well past that point in the US). If it's mandatory to tip, it should be in the bill.

slithytove · 10/12/2014 17:05

I don't tip.
Would love a tipping thread. Chances are the people I'd theoretically be tipping, earn more than me. Not happening.

outofcontrol2014 · 10/12/2014 17:28

I absolutely tip one hundred percent of the time. Something really, really awful would have to happen for me not to. I am horrified by people who don't - I think it's stingy, mean, and exploitative behaviour. If you can't afford to tip on top of the meal, don't go out. It's that simple.

I tip my hairdresser too.