AIBU to think that spending just 5 pounds on a grandchild's birthday present is being stingy

[Gogorat]

Grandparents asked what DD aged 5 wanted for her birthday and we told them that she had shown a real interest in a (paperback) book as well as a plastic necklace each of which cost just under a fiver.

The birthday parcel arrived and I couldn't help noticing that it looked as if it only contained the small paperback. When I asked DH if there had been a problem getting the necklace he said that MIL had kept it back as a Xmas present for DD.

To say I was speechless is an understatement. Massively pissed off and hurt on DD's behalf as it feels to me that her own grandparents don't think that she is worth more than a fiver. DH thinks it's because I have issues with MIL but I know I would feel the same if it had been my own mother.

The thing is I would really not consider this to be an issue if I knew that my inlaws were hard up - but they're not. They have good pensions, a 300k home that they own outright, several (paid off) rental properties, expensive cars etc.

So AIBU?

YABU

If someone is apparently wealthy, it is not up to anyone else to guess at their income and decide what they should be spending on presents.

Wealthy people stay wealthy by being careful. You are in no way entitled to any of it, and nor are your children. If they choose to spend some of their money on you, then lovely. If they don't, its entirely their prerogative too. As it is, they didn't know what to buy so came to you for advice. You suggested two low cost items and they bought them.

Far better that they did that than second guess your DD, and overspend on something she wasn't in to just to tick the "we spent lots of money on her " box.

I think that is really tight of them - not really just about the amount spent but the 'holding it back for Xmas' seems so blimmin stingy!

Still, if we are all being polite then yes, you should be gracious and thank them for the gift and I bet your DD will be made up with the book. But I would (privately) think what a bunch of tightwads!

YABvvvvU it's a present, get over yourself.

I'd be more than happy with a paperback book for Christmas.

Your very lucky that your dds grandmothers got her anything.

My dd is 2 years old and she has NEVER got dd anything. Not even a card.

But islandmama- there shouldn't be a threshold such as twenty quid! I have no idea how much my grandparents spent on my childhood presents, but I do know that I miss them like hell and they featured massively in my life.

That's all you need to know about grandparents. You don't need receipts.

In fact my brother always buys me a book for Christmas, whats wrong with that?

Yabu

Can't believe you questioned your Dh and he asked where the necklace was....I'm cringing on your behalf

Where's op?

Bit off to ask for gifts totalling a tenner and then whine they are stingy. Not like you suggested Barbie and they swapped it is it?

its still stingy

but a book is the best present, esp if its a good 'classic' type book, with a dedication, that they could even save for their own children

Perhaps they will spend more when she is older. However one set of grandparents here buy us and our kids real pound shop type presents and I have always felt a bit short changed by it. The presents feel like they selected from only what was in the bargain shop. The worst they ever gave me was a second hand novel.

My PILs are comfortably off and spend less than a fiver on my DC's birthdays. I think it's a bit stingy tbh, but it doesn't really bother me.

I can see both sides. It does seem stingy if they are that wealthy but then again, at least they took the trouble to ask what gift she would like. My MIL just writes a cheque when its anyone's birthday. As grateful as we all are I would sometimes prefer it if she gave a gift she had put some thought and effort into.

YABU.

Last year my mum spent £3.99 on DD. This year she spent £42.50. Both were things DD really wanted and was really pleased with. Its not how much its costs but whether the child wants it, will use it and will enjoy it.

Encourage your dd to write a thank you letter and have a reading afternoon so she can enjoy her book

Rainbowspiaral I'm giving my dad a second hand book for Christmas. It cost 50p in the market.

However its a type of book he collects, quite rare in this edition and was published in 1861 so not exactly easy to find! Hopefully he won't feel shortchanged when he hears it was 50p (and he'll ask!)

I actually think YANBU but she's five, she won't notice!

YANBU - I am biased though. My MIL bought ds (4) a small packet of gingerbread biscuits posted to us (so probably all broken) She is rich both cash and assets.

If you're really so grabby, next time you're asked, only list things costing 200 quid...

That was his birthday present btw

They are being tight, but maybe they find you grabby?

StillSquirrelling Mon 01-Dec-14 20:01:08

that sounds awful I wonder why your still exposing your dc to this treatment how you think its benefitting them to see they matter less to their GM?

She's coming for Christmas so I'm expecting a pint of milk for his present!

My parents didn't spend a huge amount but bought him some crafty bits from the Works and a hungary caterpillar album which he loved! It's partly the stingyness and partly the bizarreness tbh.