AIBU to think that spending just 5 pounds on a grandchild's birthday present is being stingy

[Gogorat]

Grandparents asked what DD aged 5 wanted for her birthday and we told them that she had shown a real interest in a (paperback) book as well as a plastic necklace each of which cost just under a fiver.

The birthday parcel arrived and I couldn't help noticing that it looked as if it only contained the small paperback. When I asked DH if there had been a problem getting the necklace he said that MIL had kept it back as a Xmas present for DD.

To say I was speechless is an understatement. Massively pissed off and hurt on DD's behalf as it feels to me that her own grandparents don't think that she is worth more than a fiver. DH thinks it's because I have issues with MIL but I know I would feel the same if it had been my own mother.

The thing is I would really not consider this to be an issue if I knew that my inlaws were hard up - but they're not. They have good pensions, a 300k home that they own outright, several (paid off) rental properties, expensive cars etc.

So AIBU?

What hurt me is that MIL felt they had to split our gift suggestion as if we had asked too much for just a birthday present.

Yes, but why is that any of your concern? It's their present. As long as it's not harmful or inappropriate (and it was neither), why do you think it's any of your business?

GOorat,

next time they ask, dont leave yourself open to this.

take the reigns and say sweetly,

"thanks ever so much....but we seem to have everything covered and cant think what she would like myself and my parents have put some thought into it, and she doesn't need anything but thanks for asking".

I dont care if a million posters come on and say your BU, your not.

its mean to hold the one gift back. they should have said at the time, if they had an issue with getting two.

Asked Dh if 'there had been a problem getting the necklace'

You 'expected' both gifts.... they chose to give just one....not sure what their reasons are but on being asked where the other gift is ....I imagine they maythink that's a little grabby.

Because op is right its sending out a message!

You dont ask what a five year old wants then hold one back FFS.

don't bloody ask if you have no intention of getting, this isnt an expensive gift here is it?!

Op did your DH go round there or just ask?

Love = The Amount You Spend On Presents?

YABU

If I was a grandparent who only wanted to get one of the suggested gifts the child had taken an interest in....I would say

" OK I am going to get her the book, is that OK"

meaning the mother or someone else can get the necklace! I wouldnt seemingly agree then hold one back.

its so tight and controlling!

Or I would say, OK shall I get book for now and hold back necklace what do you think? or will be wanting it for birthday?

its more likely they just thought 'phew 2 ideas great - xmas sorted as well' rather than ' a whole tenner no way'

still tight though!

How, I wonder, did I realise before opening it, that this was a MIL thread?

Fair enough san, but why on earth didn't they say they were doing this? when your 5 time is long,..

Btw DH did not go round to demand anything. We thanked inlaws (as usual) for nice present and asked DD to do the same.

Did people here really think we would ask for the 'missing' necklace?

How, I wonder, did I realise before opening it, that this was a MIL thread?

I dont know, how long does it take you to read? It says mil bottom second paragraph..

Island mama - and the title of the thread is ... .?

'When I asked if there had been a problem with the necklace Dh said mil was holding it back for Christmas'

Yanbu. Yes it's the thought that counts yada yada yada... Actually, in truth it's tight-fisted of them. I'm with you op.

Op if you had said they had only got one gift costing a fiver I probably would think its a bit tight...ok very tight but no big deal,

but the whole fact they asked you, you told, two very modest gifts...and one is being held back, has got me and would upset me as much as it upset you...

But one scoop op ha snot said she asked him to ask or anything she asked her dh and he told her...mil might have mentioned it to him in passing or explanation.

Op give her a banana skin for xmas, and tell her your holding the actual banana back for the birthday

Good gracious. They were thoughtful enough to ask and then buy what your daughter wanted. Hopefully she will understand when she is older it is always the thought that matters. Not whether her mothers financial target is met. I am quite shocked that you would be upset about this

That is tight in my opinion. How many grandchildren do they have? If they have 15 maybe they have a lot to get. If they have a couple, a fiver is a bit cheap. What are you doing at Christmas? Going to their house and they are cooking, hosting for you? I will then be a bit more accepting of the cheaper gift? Are they coming to yours? Then least they could do is spoil their grandchildren.

Do they play with them and see them all year and are really close? If so, I wouldn't mind how much they spent. My mother in law takes my DS down to the local charity shop and gets him a toy every week or fortnight and I think it's great, he gets a new toy, we are not precious if he breaks it, he feels spoilt and he has lots of different toys, but actually they only cost 50p. (And giving to charity is good too)

So depends on all the questions above really, what is the bigger picture?

That is why they are rich tightwads

I think yabu.

I can't believe you were asking after the necklace! I know they are only low value items but how cheeky can you get.

It could be the December birthday effect. DD1 (birthday same week as Christmas) only gets a present from the ILs because DH is actually quite blunt with them and phones up when a parcel of Christmas presents arrives and says 'we got the gifts, thanks very much, but there doesn't appear to be anything for DD1's birthday, are you sending that separately?' Which is probably rude but they give DD2 and DS (both summer birthdays) and their other grandchildren (also not near Christmas birthdays) nice presents for their birthdays and they are bloody well treating all their grandchildren the same whether they want to or not. It's not even like she gets a bigger 'joint' present for Christmas, MIL is just a bit flakey and can't be arsed to remember DD1's birthday. It really pisses me off that she needs reminding to get anything (and I swear she's never spent more than £5 on a birthday present for DD1) when she'll spend £20 to £30 on the other grandchildren.

YANBU, you suggested two items to buy and they've decided that's asking too much for one occasion. Tightfisted sods. I would feel the same way.