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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that spending just 5 pounds on a grandchild's birthday present is being stingy

386 replies

Gogorat · 01/12/2014 19:30

Grandparents asked what DD aged 5 wanted for her birthday and we told them that she had shown a real interest in a (paperback) book as well as a plastic necklace each of which cost just under a fiver.

The birthday parcel arrived and I couldn't help noticing that it looked as if it only contained the small paperback. When I asked DH if there had been a problem getting the necklace he said that MIL had kept it back as a Xmas present for DD.

To say I was speechless is an understatement. Massively pissed off and hurt on DD's behalf as it feels to me that her own grandparents don't think that she is worth more than a fiver. DH thinks it's because I have issues with MIL but I know I would feel the same if it had been my own mother.

The thing is I would really not consider this to be an issue if I knew that my inlaws were hard up - but they're not. They have good pensions, a 300k home that they own outright, several (paid off) rental properties, expensive cars etc.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
sanfairyanne · 01/12/2014 19:58

yeah its stingy if they are well off. nothing you can do about it. you did suggest it though. if you wanted more spent, suggest a single item of higher value next time. i can see why she thought 'great xmas and bday sorted' when you suggested 2 things
my parents spend 50quid but when kids were your dds age, they spent a tenner and put the rest in savings

specialsubject · 01/12/2014 19:58

she's five. This is great because she does not yet know about money and will have as much fun playing with simple things as with over-priced tat. She got exactly what she wanted and needed and is no doubt very pleased. They made the effort to find out what she wanted and spent time (which also costs) getting it.

there is much to be learned from our children. Especially from yours. If adults thought the same way, there'd be a lot less crap on the planet and there wouldn't be all the idiocy on here about 'haven't got enough money what with Christmas coming up'.

time to learn the difference between cost and value. They know, which might be why they are in that comfortable position.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 01/12/2014 20:00

As an adult it drives me potty when people ask what I want for my birthday, I say something like and I say something like pods for my coffee maker. Then tell me that it's not enough.

I think it's great grandma listen to what she wanted, rather than look at the price and decide to get something else.

LineRunner · 01/12/2014 20:00

They have actually given you a great gift - that of one treasured present.

StillSquirrelling · 01/12/2014 20:01

My MIL is notoriously tight - but only when it comes to mine and DH's children. The grandchildren of her other two children have gifts lavished left right and centre. SIL also got given a £250K + plot at the bottom of the garden to build a house on. The Christmas before last, two of the kids, belonging to adored SIL, got given a games console - forget which one but it was expensive - and a very expensive remote control helicopter. My kids? One got a pair of £8 shoes, one got an incredibly cheap (possibly from the £1 shop) book for a child half his age and one got a t shirt.

Now I wouldn't be at all offended if all the grandchildren and children were treated in the same way and all had an equal amount spent upon them - be that £5 or £500 - but they are treated in completely different ways and my kids are now starting to see that too.

freedom2011 · 01/12/2014 20:01

Hope we can keep my parents and PIL to exercise as much self restraint when gift giving to DD. Maybe your PIL are asset rich and cash poor. Maybe they know that many children are ridiculously overwhelmed with gifts at b'day and xmas anyway.

StillSquirrelling · 01/12/2014 20:01

Sorry, went off on my own rant there. So, what I'm saying is that if that's what their other kids get too then YABU but if the other kids get loads more spent on them then YANBU.

redcaryellowcar · 01/12/2014 20:04

I think yabu we have pils who over buy and sadly they never ask what we have bought or what the dcs might like, so we end up with a load of rubbish toys, duplicates and feel pressurised to keep it because it was a present, I'd be grateful if they just bought a book or even asked what might be appropriate

evelynj · 01/12/2014 20:07

Yabu. And greedy. A 5 yo shouldn't care as long as they get something & maybe mil is aware that you will get lots of tat to fill your house with in coming years. You have no reason to be pissed off. Would you feel the same if it were your parents? We all have different ideas about money. Yours aren't necessarily right for other people and people should never feel like that have to spend more than they otherwise would have.

It's lovely that they've got the necklace for Christmas.

elephantspoo · 01/12/2014 20:07

It really isn't appropriate to impose your perception of financial outlay/expenditure and attribute value to that, when someone gives DD a present. A gift is given as a gift, with no expectation of compensation, and likewise, no expectation that they be judged for doing so.

If you feel the need to express yourself in consumer terms, then maybe tell everyone only to buy your child presents worth £20 or more, and set yourself up as the person to be judged, rather than set some arbitrary value in your head for grandparents to meet, and decide to judge them when they don't meet your cost per present threshold without prior warning.

I'm sure DD nether cares nor wishes for anything other than a granny and a book, and hope she will not judge her granny so harshly when she grows up.

Bulbasaur · 01/12/2014 20:08

In a vacuum, YABU.

But blanket statements of a gift is a gift don't always apply.

Is she treated and given a similar value gift equally to the other GC's?

Has she gotten nice gifts in the past and this is possibly because you two aren't getting along?

She did get her something she wanted though.

Greythorne · 01/12/2014 20:08

You asked if there had been a problem getting the necklace? Seriously?

WelliBeDamned · 01/12/2014 20:09

Because children these days know the price of everything and the value of nothing. Christmas is about traditions and spending time with family members, not spending a shit ton on plastic crap that will be forgotten within a month or two. Sick of parents spending a ridiculous amount of money that they don't have on gifts all because their little darlings might be upset that they don't get everything on their christmas list.

AmberNectarine · 01/12/2014 20:11

YABU - my MIL believes in quantity and never asks what the kids want/are into so we tend to get a pile of tat they're not interested in. I would so much rather have a book they had asked for and would use which cost much less! A useful gift is a perfect one.

divingoffthebalcony · 01/12/2014 20:12

Obviously, you're getting a flaming here OP, but I think it's stingey.

Edenviolet · 01/12/2014 20:15

YABU,they got your dd something she wanted and its up to them how much they spend!

We have a £5 budget for nieces/nephews etc and actually a lot more thought goes in to finding something suitable within budget than just grabbing anything off a shelf. You can find/make some really lovely things for less than five pounds and often have enough left over for a chocolate selection pack. It works really well for us

Taz1212 · 01/12/2014 20:16

YABU. DS(12) and DD(9) have a wealthy grandparent who lives overseas. Every birthday and Christmas he asks what they would like. I always give him the name of a book and that is what he sends to them via Amazon.

Everyone is happy and I find it odd to think that I might feel ungrateful at what the OP considers to be cheapness.

ILoveSimonCowell · 01/12/2014 20:17

It's all about expectations and what you usually receive. Our parents spend £50-£100 on each DC for birthdays/Christmas (well they hand over the money for us to buy something). If they ever suddenly spent £5 I'd wonder if something had happened (to them financially - though I wouldn't be upset on the amount spent). But really I'd prefer if they actually went out and purchased the present themselves and made the effort and spent far less.

ilovesooty · 01/12/2014 20:19

They took the trouble to ask what she wanted. I think that shows they care and put thought into their gift. I'll resist any further comment as previous posters have said it all.

campingfilth · 01/12/2014 20:20

Jesus I spend more than that on my close friends kids!! It is tight unless they are poor which you have said they are not. Holding the plastic necklace bad for christmas is rather shocking IMO!

BeyondTheTreelights · 01/12/2014 20:23

"christmas is about traditions... Blah blah blah..."

Read the thread, this is about a birthday present!

I dont think yabu op

DustyBedhead · 01/12/2014 20:23

YANBU I'd be miffed too, I don't think it's excessive to spend less than £10 for two gifts on a 5yr old and give both together instead of splitting them.

usualsuspect333 · 01/12/2014 20:27

YABU

beautyfades · 01/12/2014 20:27

If there well off i think its stingy.

Katinkka · 01/12/2014 20:31

Wow, tight as two coats of paint or what! Not something you can really bring up though is it? You will just have to gnash your teeth to yourself about it.