To feel uneasy about spending 30k on a wedding

[Kab13]

Posted before about a NYE wedding.
The venue has doubled in price. £5,500 for use of a mill, from 12 noon until 1am.
This would to be expected if they were hiring staff etc, but it's JUST for the venue.
The catering comes in a £2,546 for 80 guests. It's not that bad at all really. (IMO)
However from the start we've decided it's fairer to put our guests up at a local hotel ( premier inn) if we choose NYE, i don't think it's fair to expect people to pay either very expensive taxi fairs home (a lot of people are traveling) or to pay for a hotel and taxi fairs to a hotel.
We found a huge cottage, we wanted to hire this for 38 of our close family members and that's come in very pricey too as we have to hire it for 3 days over NYE. but that part, spending a couple of days with my loved ones was so important.
But, totalled it all up and it's about 22k BEFORE photography, linen, cutlery and crockery hire, flowers, invitations AND honeymoon.
I can see this costing 30k, and that is something that makes me feel guilty for.
A huge amount of that money is being spent on accommodation for our guests (6k and 80 guests inc children) but is feel unreasonable expecting others to cough up for it.
It's so much money but dp is set on NYE now.
Let the flamings begin.

But whatever. Get the mole looked at. Spend some time thinking about what you and DP want, then do that. But, if it were me, I'd do it without touching a penny of my inheritance.

If you think it's bitchy and I'm backtracking so be it.
You don't know me so it's easy for you to suggest I'm a show off etc but it's simply not the case.
If I couldn't afford to do it I just wouldn't do it at all.
Simple.

Thanks for your concern and advice.

Errr OP £2000 to feed 80 people is £25 a head. You'd get a damn sight more than an manky bacon roll for that

Venue hire? Registry fees? Suit? Dress? Even if I got one from monsoon for £100 (which is happily do), rings? Drinks ? Music?
It's not easy to do all that's under 2k. Possible but not easy.

This thread (and OP) is all over the place

It just goes to show...getting married is up there in the Top Ten of stressful life changes (along with bereavement, moving house, relationship ending, blah blah)

OP, slow down, you are going to do yourself a mischief.

It's hard when you get all sorts of advice and opinions.
Everyone is different, but I've worked out I don't want to spend that kind of money and won't.
It is very stressful, but it's just me making it more complicated than it has to be and trying to keep everyone happy, which is impossible.

OP our wedding cost maybe £1200 for everything and we still have people saying it was one of the best weddings they ever went to. Registry ceremony with close family then lunch (and yes, a monsoon dress) then in the evening we rented out a gorgeous old historic pub (no charge) brought in loads of lovely food (no bacon rolls), paid for 3 rounds of drinks, had a friend DJ. This was for 80 people btw.

What people liked about it was that it was so informal, everyone having a good time, and also that everyone was just so happy -- it was the fun and happiness that made it a great time. You don't have to pay anything for that.

Our wedding was cheap but still classy, it's completely possible if you're creative and do some research.

x-post

Don't worry about making everyone happy

It helps to think of it as just planning a big party, not a wedding. As soon as you say 'wedding' all sorts of stressful stuff gets attached. But in the end, it's just a big party right?

Anyway take a break for a while and come back to it later, you do have a whole year to think about it!

The only people that need to be "kept happy" are you, your partner and your kids

Surely ?

dreaming
That does sound lovely.

anyfucker you're right. I know that deep down.

It's hard when you get all sorts of advice and opinions.

Yep. That's why all you can do as a couple is start from your must-haves and go from there. Frankly, I found hearing about other people's marvellous and astonishingly cheap celebrations just stressed me out. It starts to sound a bit like a competition to show how clever you are to get a five star wedding for a two star price.

You are lucky, you're in love and you've got the cash to have a nice wedding. It will all work out. Fortunately in real life people don't listen to your wedding plans then mark you on them. There won't be any 'Oh! It's only a 5.3 from the Swedish judge!'

If you can't do a classy wedding for £6k then you're clearly not creative and not trying hard enough!

I've been to loads of weddings. Honestly, the ones that cost the most were generally the worst ones. Same old chair covers, bows on the back, soul-less affairs, all show and no knickers!

My mate's wedding was amazing. Think she spent £2k. Hog roast, party games outside, ice cream van. Think outside the box.

Oh and we had 80 guests and spent £6k. I wore a stunning dress (cost £1000 but was reduced to £500 but still a big part of the budget) and beautiful shoes. We had our reception on the beach. Guests drank champagne as the sun was setting over the horizon.

Seriously, get yourself on Rock My Wedding and other similar websites and open your mind a little. You don't have to spend £30k (or even £20k) for it to be a day to remember.

Then, OP, have that as your starting point but also your end point and you can't go wrong.

and get your mole seen to < frown >

Shall do to both

YYY to the mole.
My younger cousin was 45 when hers killed her.

Wedding : daft thought - have you asked your family if they would be happier moving the date to a different weekend?
For all you know they are grinding their teeth at the thought of the travelling.

If youe feeling this way before the wedding, you will feel worse afterwards. It will mar the whole day.

I'd elope.

I think it's a lovely idea, I'd also want to do something like book out a hotel for guests if I were in a similar position.

But, the truth is your guests will more than likely be quite happy to at least contribute to the cost of accommodation. Why not work it out so that you pay a certain percentage and then the guests also pay something towards the accommodation cost? If it brought the bill down by a few thousand you might feel happier about the overall cost.

If you have the money and you won't feel bad for not paying it off the mortgage then why not? How does your husband feel about it, is he happy with the idea of a big wedding?

Me and DH paid for coach transport for our guests as we couldn't have ceremony and reception in same place (we didn't have a budget anywhere near yours though). My advice - don't bother. No one thanked us for it, and it was a nightmare to organise (people not confirming if they wanted a seat or not until last minute, ending up with coach being over booked; and us having to pay for taxis etc on top). Honestly became the most stressful part of the organisation process. Would be even worse if you are booking rooms. I truly wouldn't bother.

To be really honest, most weddings get forgotten. I figured it was just the done thing to tell people their wedding was the best you've been to - I've told loads that! Years later they're just a vague memory. Got for the day you want, people will fit in round it.

On a lighter (mole) note, I had an itchy mole on my back removed and tested, and it was nothing. You must get it checked out asap but don't worry unduly.

(Definitely prioritise it above wedding planning though!)

follow was it always itchy or just sometimes? Mine sort of comes and goes.
Going to see doc Wednesday morning

On and off for quite a while, but steadily got worse. Docs thought it was maybe irritated by clothes/bra strap, or just unexplained. I now have a scar there, and the scar still itches sometimes too - but it was removed many years ago now so I'm fairly confident it's OK.