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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be utterly furious beyond belief with dh

164 replies

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 30/11/2014 17:06

Last year I got all the Xmas decs the Christmassy singing soft toys, lights decorations and stuff I've been collecting over the years including stuff from when the kids were born and boxed them up. It turns out DH 'thought' it was rubbish and has took it all to the tip. I've got nothing
I feel so upset and utterly angry as his thoughtless stupidity has caused me upset and will cost money to replace and this is not the first time it's happened with precious or valuable stuff.
He just doesn't get why I'm so upset and is trying to blame me by saying well I thought you were putting it up the loft

OP posts:

DixieNormas · 30/11/2014 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveVintage · 30/11/2014 19:31

When we moved house DH put a black bin bag out on the rubbish. It contained my shoes. That was 15 years ago. . I still feel teary thinking about it.

LineRunner · 30/11/2014 19:31

That's why you are so angry, OP. You know he did it deliberately.

Cubtrouble · 30/11/2014 19:35

I don't think he did it on purpose, men are just dimwits.

My husband is good at recycling and obviously wouldn't throw out boxes of Christmas decorations but that's not to say he hasn't had stuff at the bottom of the recycling bin I've had to go through.

The tip near us wouldn't expect you to open the box, if you said it was household junk it goes in the crusher.

MrsWembley · 30/11/2014 19:39

If that had happened here, I would have been distraught too! It may be only stuff but the memories attached are so precious.

But the difference is that, if it had happened here, then DP would have been upset too. The memories are also his and he would hate the fact that he had done that to me.

You sound like you need to sit down and talk about what's underlying this behaviour.

wickedlazy · 30/11/2014 19:49

Instead of buying him a prezzie this year, buy new decorations instead?

I would be livid, he was thoughtless, stupid, and doesn't feel bad about what he's done.

slightlyworriednc · 30/11/2014 19:55

Cubtrouble, men are most certainly not dimwits. I hope you don't have a son. Mine are lovely, intelligent and respectful of others and their possessions. As is my lovely husband and my dad.

OP...I wouldn't say LTB over some baubles, but he clearly did it on purpose. He isn't apologetic. Truly, have a long hard think about what that says about him and his attitude towards you.

Gawjushun · 30/11/2014 20:04

My DH would be devastated if he'd done this. We aren't massively into Xmas, but many of our decorations have sentimental memories from when we first lived together, our first Xmas with DS etc. I'm baffled by your husband's response, and wonder if he's got some weird compulsion to throw things out.

Peacocklady · 30/11/2014 20:09

So thoughtless. Does he get stressed out by mess? Sounds like a mardy sweep around.
I had my (dead) brother's stereo- a big 90s separates thing and it was too big for our house so I asked my mum to keep it at hers as she has a big house and never throws anything away. I thought I could get it if I wanted it but didn't want to give it away. I kept the remote and speaker wires.
My step dad took it to the tip soon after.
It was just thoughtlessness and if I'd said specifically not to he wouldn't have. But I still want to look for it again sometimes. I do know my brother wouldn't care. I wish I had kept it it's my fault really.

SevenZarkSeven · 30/11/2014 20:16

Do you normally leave carefully sealed boxes of stuff in the conservatory for him to take to the tip? Does he make frequent trips to the tip and you like to leave a box of stuff like that for him to take?

If not then he did it on purpose, sorry. Is he a bit of an arsehole? Doesn't he like the decorations / doesn't he like untidyness / was he in a bad mood?

Agree with others that this doesn't feel like an accident. Also, why isn't he apologetic and upset? He's just thrown all the xmas decorations away? Who wouldn't be angry with themselves if it was an accident?

dexter73 · 30/11/2014 21:15

Where does it say it was carefully sealed? The op just says that they were boxed up.

ScreamingSpires · 30/11/2014 21:23

I threw out a black bag full of ski gear, which I had bagged myself, and left in the place from which I picked it up and threw it out... It can be a total mistake

LineRunner · 30/11/2014 21:47

Did you drive it up to the tip?

MrsWembley · 01/12/2014 16:48

Hello, Liney. I think the OP must be in the middle of deep discussions with her DH...

Darkesteyes · 01/12/2014 17:57

I dont buy the fact that he didnt do it on purpose. He did it to the Halloween stuff as well.

To me this smacks of
a. "You are a woman so you and your property isnt as important as mine.
b. he hates Christmas?? Some people who hate it like to fuck it up for everyone else as well.

LineRunner · 01/12/2014 18:02

Help MrsW. And DarkestEyes.

I do agree, this all seems so cynical.

LineRunner · 01/12/2014 18:03

Help?? I mean hello!

APlaceInTheWinter · 01/12/2014 18:04

YANBU. I used to travel overseas a lot around Christmas time and picked up little trinkets for the tree from different places over the years. STBXH 'accidentally' put those decorations in the bin one year. I was so angry and upset.

I brought similar items back for my DM and I spotted them in her house today and it still makes me sad that I don't have mine and I can't replace them. I'm pretty sure it was deliberate on STBXH's part. He also hates Christmas and deliberately engineers some crisis or trauma every Christmas.

Darkesteyes · 01/12/2014 18:15

He also hates Christmas and deliberately engineers some crisis or trauma every Christmas.

And you know they are doing it on purpose because they dont do it in Jan Feb March April May June July August September October November...

clam · 01/12/2014 18:23

Well I don't know what tip he went to, but at ours, you can't just throw a full box in one of the big bins. Everything has to be sorted - metal/wood/card and so forth.
Surely he would have had to have emptied each box in turn, therefore seeing exactly what was in them.

Rascalls3 · 01/12/2014 18:51

This sounds exactly like my husband. If we buy anything boxed it will be unpacked and the box put out for recycling immediately. It can be a problem if anything needs returning. We once bought a huge IKEA bookcase and he took the boxes straight to the tip. He realised later that day that metal support rods were still in the boxes. The rods were never found despite a hasty return to the tip.

LineRunner · 01/12/2014 18:53

Yes but an empty box feels very different to one full of stuff.

Summerisle1 · 01/12/2014 18:59

Given how unpopular journeys to the tip are I am another person who fails to see the accidental element to this.

My DM's horrible partner was a great one for "unintentionally" throwing out things she valued. He, however, collected all sorts of real shyte that nobody was ever allowed to sort through.

Bulbasaur · 01/12/2014 19:02

Take decoration fund out of his gift money you'd spend on him

I've done this to DH before on accident. He put what looked like junk in a box, so I tossed it thinking I was doing him a favor. Now, I just don't touch his stuff.

The first time is understandable, after that not such much. It's a habit and it shows he doesn't care or respect you enough to at least correct past mistakes.

I'd be pissed too though. As it is, our Christmas decorations have take us 8 years to acquire. We only get a few new ones each year. I'd be upset if it all got tossed out, especially since some are from deceased family members.

outofcontrol2014 · 01/12/2014 19:04

Why is he taking stuff to the tip without consulting you?

I would make it a rule that he asks you whether he can chuck stuff out in future to make sure these mistakes don't happen again.

However, the fact that it's repeat behaviour put a small doubt in my head. Are you liable to hoard things, OP? Is he desperately trying to clear the house of boxes and boxes of stuff? If so, maybe you need to compromise a bit more on chucking out the stuff that doesn't matter?

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