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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

a ask for a breakdown of the costs for a hen weekend that costs 380

90 replies

fruitloop13 · 28/11/2014 18:29

Had an invite to a hen weekend, really want to go but its apparently 380 for the two nights plus I have to pay to travel to Newcastle.

I have the money, I just don't like wasting it and can't for the hell of me see where it is going - we are staying in Travelodge.

Aibu to ask for the costings of everything?

Although everything is just hotel for two nights, a walking tour, wine tasting and entry to a spa.

I'm worried that the bridesmaids are profiteering.

OP posts:

Jackiebrambles · 28/11/2014 18:34

£380 for 2 nights in Newcastle?! Blimey!

I paid less than that last year for 2 nights plus flights to Madrid!

Anyway definitely ask for a breakdown, I've always had/given one when going on hens.

It may well be that you are pre-paying for meals/ drinks. Also I imagine the hen goes free so you'll be paying for that too?

LouMum14 · 28/11/2014 18:35

YANBU. That's a lot of money. A bit of googling might give you an idea of prices too if you know the places you are meant to going.

emsyj · 28/11/2014 18:35

I think when it comes to hen parties you either have to say 'yes please!' and pay up and look happy or politely decline. It's a real PITA organising a group of people, many of whom you may not know well (or even at all) and if you start questioning them you will piss them off and make an atmosphere, which isn't nice for the bride. FWIW it sounds like a reasonable figure if the accommodation is not dirt cheap (and prices at Travelodge vary wildly between different locations and according to the season) and if the spa is naice.

FatimaLovesBread · 28/11/2014 18:35

That sounds a lot. I went on a Newcastle hen do last year and the hotel was £95ish for two nights so I imagine a Travelodge would be similar or a bit cheaper if booked well in advance. Not sure how the rest can cost £280!!
Are you all splitting the brides costs between you? How many are going?

GcseOptions · 28/11/2014 18:35

Oh God, it sounds awful and so ott!

What happened to going out to dinner with a few good mates?

Hassled · 28/11/2014 18:36

Completely reasonable to want a break down - that's a lot of money for 2 nights. Do you know the organisers - any reason to suspect them?

LoisHatesChristmas · 28/11/2014 18:37

Maybe they are covering the brides share? Profiteering? Thats quite an allegation, have they did this before? It does seem expensive for Travelodge.

Pelicangiraffe · 28/11/2014 18:39

I went on a weekend once and it was a pisstake. I paid full whack but later realised that I was paying for lots of alcohol (which I didn't drink) and had to sleep on the floor.

uggmum · 28/11/2014 18:39

Wow. That's a lot.
I am a tightwad but there's no way I would pay that for a hen night regardless of the justification.
I think the world has gone mad really. I know I've been married 20 years but for mine I had a lovely meal out with friends and it only cost £25 a head.
I just couldn't ask my friends to pay such a huge amount. Especially when they will probably buy a gift and have to pay for an outfit for the big day.
I went to a hen night last year which was an overnight stay and the total cost was about £70 per person.

Gawjushun · 28/11/2014 18:39

Yikes. I think it's reasonable to want a breakdown if you're spending nearly £400. At least then you'll know what's covered and what's not, and can decide how much spending money will be.

I am guessing there will be organised activities for that kind of price. Cupcake decorating? Cocktail classes? If you get a breakdown then you might be able to ask whether you can skip certain things.

LoisHatesChristmas · 28/11/2014 18:40

emsy I agree with you, there was lots of moaning at my friends hen recently, she did get upset. Be subtle op!

Jackiebrambles · 28/11/2014 18:40

No need to upset the bridesmaids, just say you want to know what it covers so you can budget for everything else (ie food, booze, club entry etc).

PurpleCrazyHorse · 28/11/2014 19:19

I declined my soon to be SIL's hen do as it was likely to be expensive, involving spas and I really don't like being with people I don't know at all. I'm quite introverted and struggle with small talk, especially in a swimming costume!

I'd ask for a breakdown but phrase it like you want to know what you need to pay for on the trip/how much extra money you need to bring. If you've only just had the invite and therefore haven't yet confirmed, I don't think there's any problem at all in wanting more info.

clam · 28/11/2014 19:21

I wouldn't ask for a breakdown - that sounds as though you're accusing them of ripping you off. If you think it's too expensive (and I would!), then just say you're sorry but it's out of reach at the moment.

DaisyFlowerChain · 28/11/2014 19:25

That sounds likes its subbing more than just the bride. I'd ask how it has been made up of you want to go but there's no way I'd spend that on a hen do.

I paid for mine as didn't see why people should have to spend money on something I had arranged and invited them too.

lavenderhoney · 28/11/2014 19:25

I would write back and not mention the cost, just say " what does that exactly cover me for?" I think there is money in there for a gift for the bride, t shirts, entry to a spa- what treatments? Sounds like you have a lunch at a spa and if you want to have treatments it's extra. Check though. Might as well go to the leisure centre and use the sauna:) depends if it's a big treat to do these things.

It's a lot though. Plus additional spend plus " treating" the bride plus travel.

Do you get your own room?

SpinnyCappuccino · 28/11/2014 19:26

What jackie said.

There are ways of finding out how they have come up with this figure without causing any upset.

Summerisle1 · 28/11/2014 19:26

Truly, if you are already suspecting that the bridesmaids might be profiteering then I'd decline. Mutual suspicion is no basis for a good weekend away. Especially one that's cost nearly £400!

As for asking for a breakdown, I don't think it is unreasonable to check what is included in the cost on the grounds of knowing what extra money you might need to bring. I'd also assume you are covering the bride's costs. But my gut feeling is that you aren't going to enjoy this particular weekend especially if you are still less than convinced of what the real costs are.

Christina22xx · 28/11/2014 19:31

Ive been newcastle/spa/travelodge and i can tell you £380 is ridiculous. Yes theyre profitting.

Viviennemary · 28/11/2014 19:31

I wouldn't even entertain the idea of going for that kind of money. To stay in a Travelodge. I agree that the bridesmaids will be making money out of this. Not on. Or can you say you'll pay your own way as you go along.

ENormaSnob · 28/11/2014 19:37

Nearly 400 quid for 2 nights in Newcastle?

No way jose

PeppermintInfusion · 28/11/2014 19:37

It does sound a lot... I've been on a 3 day hen do in Europe for that, but it could add up to about that amount-
A travelodge in Newcastle is about £50-£60, I stayed in one there last year, though can't remember if that is per room or per person.
A spa could be what's costing the most- if it's a fancy place with use of the facilities, treatment and lunch type package that is probably around £100.
Wine tastings are about £40-£50 a person I think.
Walking tours? Hmm, a tenner maybe?
Then there is probably a tshirt, other hen tat, maybe some drinks/bubbly for the room before going out and maybe you are eating somewhere with a set menu.

Do you know the bridesmaids that well? I'd just say you need to consider how much you'll need for the rest of the spending money so just wondering what all is included for the price so you know what else to estimate for the weekend.

Purplepoodle · 28/11/2014 19:39

Could they be covering the brides costs and flights?

Littlef00t · 28/11/2014 19:41

Could you ask for a breakdown on the basis you Might not be able to Afford to participate on everything?

dottytablecloth · 28/11/2014 19:42

What spa treatments are included?

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