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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

a ask for a breakdown of the costs for a hen weekend that costs 380

90 replies

fruitloop13 · 28/11/2014 18:29

Had an invite to a hen weekend, really want to go but its apparently 380 for the two nights plus I have to pay to travel to Newcastle.

I have the money, I just don't like wasting it and can't for the hell of me see where it is going - we are staying in Travelodge.

Aibu to ask for the costings of everything?

Although everything is just hotel for two nights, a walking tour, wine tasting and entry to a spa.

I'm worried that the bridesmaids are profiteering.

OP posts:
tinkerbellvspredator · 28/11/2014 19:43

You could also say you're not sure if you can afford it, what are the costs of each element so you can think about whether you could economise - eg share a room, not have a treatment at the spa etc

Bambinho · 28/11/2014 19:47

Newcastle Travelodge is grim, I went to collect a friend who was staying there and the room and whole place looked so cheap and depressing. I don't think it's unreasonable asking what you're paying for, it's a lot of money.

Original poster
fruitloop13 · 28/11/2014 19:50

No spa treatments are included! I think you can use the steam and pool, but big deal I already pay for that in my local gym...

So I asked what did this cover so I can budget and some of the money has been estimated to cover some drinks and food....

I don't drink and doubt any of the food would be something I would eat.

I'm probably going to end up just paying it. I can afford it, but I recon we are paying list price for everything. And I'm the kind of person that always gets a deal. It is annoying.

She mentions about wanting to give her a good send off... All they are doing is having a party and getting a bit of paper. Theyve been living together for a decade. To attend that and the wedding and probably a present will be 500-600 just for me. Has the whole world gone mad?

10 years ago I used to spend a month in India for the same price inc the flights and everything!

OP posts:
Original poster
fruitloop13 · 28/11/2014 19:52

This is based on sharing rooms!

OP posts:
snice · 28/11/2014 19:55

you are covering all costs for the bride I would guess-and possibly the bridesmaids too!

Dangermouse1 · 28/11/2014 20:03

Fruitloop, you don't sound in any way happy for the bride or excited to be included in any of her celebrations, I suggest you think of a reasonabe excuse and decline politely before ruining both events with your resentent. Nobody is presumably holding a gun to your head and demanding you atend?

bloodyteenagers · 28/11/2014 20:07

Only some of it covers food and drink? wow.
Someone somewhere is taking the piss. Could be they mentioned hen do, and companies are whacking up costs

harpsichordcarrier · 28/11/2014 20:07

I agree with those who say you have to either grin and bear it and go, or politely decline on the grounds of another arrangement or whatever.
I think there is NO mileage in arguing about the cost, only bad feeling all round. Don't do it!

Finola1step · 28/11/2014 20:08

Yep. You're covering the cost of not just the bride!

Original poster
fruitloop13 · 28/11/2014 20:13

Oh I am happy for them, but at the end of the day it's just a party.

I will grin and go and won't let my resentment of the cost come out. That's why I'm getting it all out here.

OP posts:
Original poster
fruitloop13 · 28/11/2014 20:15

I best not be covering all of the bridesmaid's, there are 5 of them and 5 normal guests + the two mums!

OP posts:
HumblePieMonster · 28/11/2014 20:21

Newcastle Travelodge rooms start at £29.

VivaLeBeaver · 28/11/2014 20:22

Bet you they're a bunch ofpiss heads and have factored in loads of money for booze.

Hotel £100 tops for room sharing in a Travelodge.
Spa maybe another £70-100

So that leaves £180 unaccounted for. T shirt, some meals?, booze, paying for the bride?

Mammanat222 · 28/11/2014 20:36

I agree that you probably shouldn't go.

I wouldn't want someone to "grin and bear" my hen do and wedding?

You may think you are doing a good job of hiding your resentment but you could end up appearing to be a bit of a sour puss.

We get that you can afford to go BUT why should you spend that much money on something you are only doing for the sake of it? Save the money for something you actually want to do!

Are you saying the wedding and present is going to cost another £500-£600 on top of the hen do? How the Hell is that even possible

Original poster
fruitloop13 · 28/11/2014 20:53

Surely if everyone that didn't enjoy weddings didn't go then there would only ever be a couple of guests attending? I'm sure most people just grin and bae them.

Hen weekend will be fun, I can just think of much better uses of 400 quid.

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 28/11/2014 21:37

I absolutely would not go as I object to expensive hen weekends on principle.

For one thing, this paying for the bride stuff is ridiculous. It's the guests who need the money more than the bride! the bride is about to get a wedding, a honeymoon, loads of presents ans new white frock. The guests are expected to sue up annual leave, get childcare if applicable, and fork out for a hen weekend AND a wedding AND a wedding gift. It's grabby and greedy and an example of consumerism gone mad.

OP I wouldn't go because it sounds badly organised and poor value for money. Only "some" drinks are included? and no spa treatments? Don't go, make a pleasant excuse and save your money for the wedding.

People can decline hen weekends but there seems to be so much pressure not to do so that I think it's got out of hand.

MrsJossNaylor · 28/11/2014 21:38

We paid £120 for a room in the most central Newcastle Travelodge recently - it does get pricey on busy nights.
But that was for 3 sharing, so even then that's only £40 per night. The remaining £300 seems steep. I wouldn't go!

lavenderhoney · 28/11/2014 22:42

Don't go. And take the bride out for dinner somewhere nice. You don't drink, so that should be factored in. Do these people know you don't drink? I wouldn't expect a non drinker to sub drinking or share a room:) you know you'll be breakfasting alone?:)

It depends if you will be friends forever, close normally etc or you are a writer or stand up comedian needing new material I would say no now. Or you'll be the one looking after the bags ( looking at your watch) whilst everyone gets hammered and dances on your contribution.

Preciousbane · 28/11/2014 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/11/2014 22:56

Noway would I pay that, blimey hen party's are getting more expensive.

Delphine31 · 28/11/2014 22:58

Is it the bridesmaids who are organising it?

I often wonder in cases like this whether the bride is aware of the cost her friends are being asked to meet. Maybe the bride would be mortified if she knew!?

For all of my friends who have had married they have had one priority for their hen do that the bridesmaids had to stick to: make it affordable for all her friends to come and for no one to be priced out.

When I organised my friend's hen do I deliberately made the weekend up of different activities (including some free/very low-cost bits like an afternoon in a lovely park) and was clear that people could opt in to the bits they fancied.

I'm from the North East and I am struggling to imagine spending £380 in one weekend.

If you would never normally spend that sort of money on one weekend I think it's perfectly fair not to go. Depending on how far away it is, you could maybe join them for some of it.

I recently attended one day out of two for a friend's hen do. I could have scraped together money for the whole lot but knew it would be better to go along to one of the days completely happily than struggle to afford both. The bride was just delighted that I was able to join her for some of it.

manicinsomniac · 28/11/2014 23:06

Shock That is insane

I would go if it was a really close friend and I really wanted to be there. Otherwise, no way.

I've never been to a hen do where we pay for the bride - is that a thing?

LuluJakey1 · 28/11/2014 23:16

I don't like weddings. I don't mind small ones but I am bored by big weddings where there is a lot of fuss and lots of money spent. I never go to hen nights and I didn't have one. DH did not have a stag do either. Just don't get them. We live near Newcastle and it is awful seeing the hen and stag goers staggering drunk around the town in stupid outfits.
Mind you, just as bad are the ones that turn up in minibuses in our little village and pile into the tea room to do a cupcake decorating class and have afternoon tea. Then the locals can't use the tea room because the hens pay for use of the whole place.
I know, I'm a misery but I hate it all

Nothavingfunrightnow · 28/11/2014 23:20

You are a right Fruit Loop if you pay £380 for that. Apologies for offending proper fruit loops.

writtenguarantee · 28/11/2014 23:34

If I was the organizer I would have sent a breakdown.