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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

a ask for a breakdown of the costs for a hen weekend that costs 380

90 replies

fruitloop13 · 28/11/2014 18:29

Had an invite to a hen weekend, really want to go but its apparently 380 for the two nights plus I have to pay to travel to Newcastle.

I have the money, I just don't like wasting it and can't for the hell of me see where it is going - we are staying in Travelodge.

Aibu to ask for the costings of everything?

Although everything is just hotel for two nights, a walking tour, wine tasting and entry to a spa.

I'm worried that the bridesmaids are profiteering.

OP posts:
abigamarone · 29/11/2014 00:02

I've been to Venice for 3 nights for less than that each and Crete for a week including car hire for about that per person. In the summer holidays. No way i'd be paying the same to go to newcastle...

KnackeredMuchly · 29/11/2014 01:30

There are only about 7 people I would pay that for, including close relatives. Wow, an incredible figure. I'd be so tempted to offer to book it all cheaper!!!

It's almost a tenth of my wedding budget!

YouAreBoring · 29/11/2014 01:42

I wouldn't dream of going. I could afford it but it sounds a bit grim. Are they expecting you to subsidise everyone else's drinks.

PerpetualStudent · 29/11/2014 02:06

I organised my friend's hen do this summer & was scrupulous about giving a breakdown of all costs. Similar to someone else on here, it was a day of 'pick & mix' activities, so people could come to as much or little as they wanted. I also asked everywhere for a deal.
I was very much aware I didn't know all the hen's financial situations & didn't want anyone to feel awkward at any point.
It sounds like this group haven't given any of the same thought to it and it might well show in how well the weekend is organised
I think you're well within your rights to ask for a breakdown

Bogeyface · 29/11/2014 02:14

a walking tour, wine tasting and entry to a spa.

Forget the cost, dont go on the basis that it sounds like the single most boring weekend in the world. Ever.

Bogeyface · 29/11/2014 02:17

I should add...£380 on a weekend getting utterly trousered, fine. Thats what happens on hen do's.

That much on a stroll, one glass of wine served in spaced out dribbles and sitting in human soup at the spa? No thanks.

Inlimbo1982 · 29/11/2014 02:32

I wouldn't go. You will resent paying for it. And rightly so because I think you are not only paying for the bride but others who are taking advantage. Spend it on yourself not on paying for everyone else. I wouldn't pay that to go to a crappy travelodge. Like one poster said it's "depressing" you could do so much more with that money or buy yourself something nice. Go to the wedding but decline the hen do. Make an excuse.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 29/11/2014 02:55

Could you ignore the request for money, or say you can't afford it but say how happy you are to be able to meet them there as you've sourced a room and entry to the spa to suit your budget on the right dates, and that you'll just pay for a few drinks and bit of food for yourself as you go.

Don't see how they can object (without revealing their profiteering ambitions) and you all get to enjoy the hen weekend. Plus, you get your own room :)

Cerisier · 29/11/2014 05:32

All that money to share a room in a Travelodge and go on those activities?

By goodness they must be good friends of yours if you are thinking of actually going.

MrsJamin · 29/11/2014 06:54

You can't go and be able to hide your feelings about the money, just decline.

Original poster
fruitloop13 · 29/11/2014 07:49

Decaff I was thinking about doing that, but would totally be outside the group and would be a bit weird if they all go wine tasting and I'm like I see you afterwards.

I still plan on going as she's is a reasnob!y good friend and don't see her that often bar the twice a year she stays at mine.

OP posts:
paperlace · 29/11/2014 07:56

I understand people's shock at the cost, but what is it with Mumsnettter's anti wedding/hen do stance?

I'm sure this poor woman organising it isn't trying to 'take advantage' ffs - she's just organising the weekend she thinks the bride will like!

Fine if you can't afford or don't want to go but to sneer and judge is so miserable of people on here.

And also only on Mumsnet would anyone actually advocate getting a run down of costs. How rude! Just say you can or can't afford in polite way and make your own decision as an adult (that's not actually to you OP but to the posters who seem to think it's an absolute affront to be invited to anything related to a wedding).

KnackeredMuchly · 29/11/2014 08:15

It wont be weird to skip the wine tasting if you don't drink. I'd skip it.

Chandon · 29/11/2014 08:15

Sounds like the factored in loads of booze

Bummer if you don't drink

But you can't really do anything, can you?

Don't get people panning the plan though. That could be a fun weekend, with the right people and the right atttitude

FoxSticks · 29/11/2014 08:38

I don't mind small ones but I am bored by big weddings where there is a lot of fuss and lots of money spent. I never go to hen nights and I didn't have one.

What about small expensive weddings? Is it the size or the cost you object to?

Tinkerball · 29/11/2014 08:47

I think the only way this can be right if it's loads alcohol, so if you don't drink much you will be paying for their booze. No way would I do that.

LuluJakey1 · 29/11/2014 10:32

Both. I just think it is a waste of money, and it is so boring. I stopped going when a university friend got married and invited us. There were 200 people, at a ludicrously expensive country house in Kent. We were expected to stay, to arrive the night before and stay the night of the wedding- there was a 'deal' two nights for £400. The wedding took the whole day from breakfast until whenever the evening party ended. We worked out that including travel, outfits, present, spending money, accomodation and the day off work on the Friday to travel down to Kent from Northumberland, it would cost us about £1500. Ridiculous!
Then the thought of all of the driving, losing 3 days, hours of photographs being taken, speeches, making small talk with people we hardly knew. Just can't see the point. No doubt it was lovely for the couple but would not have been for us in any way.

Whocansay · 29/11/2014 10:39

It very much sounds as if they are using you to subsidise their weekend.

I cannot see why you wouldn't just arrange to do something else with the bride another time, as clearly you would be paying for stuff that you would not benefit from.

Pelicangiraffe · 29/11/2014 11:04

You are probably paying for the bride.

Can you just explain that you are a bit surprised by the cost as you were expecting it to be about 250 max

Pelicangiraffe · 29/11/2014 11:06

Can you go read a book over a cuppachino during the wine tasting

MissBattleaxe · 29/11/2014 11:44

And also only on Mumsnet would anyone actually advocate getting a run down of costs. How rude! Just say you can or can't afford in polite way and make your own decision as an adult (that's not actually to you OP but to the posters who seem to think it's an absolute affront to be invited to anything related to a wedding).

It's not an affront to be invited to a meal or something affordable to have a nice time with the bride to be.

It IS an affront that costs and pressure are skyrocketing, along with a new trend for trying stuff the bride never did anyway such as walking tours, wine tasting, salsa classes, cocktail making classes etc etc

It IS an affront how many poor women on Mumsnet ( and in real life in my experience) are saying "I can't afford it but I really like the bride and I don't want to upset her"

And the new trend for paying for the bride really, really IS a big affront.

Pelicangiraffe · 29/11/2014 11:46

I think it would have been normal for the organiser to show a general brake down of costs. OP shouldn't have to ask

MissBattleaxe · 29/11/2014 11:46

OP, if the bride likes you and you like her, I am very sure she won't go off you if you politely decline a £380 weekend where you wouldn't even drink anything. Saying no will be fine. Don't try and "please" her. She already likes you.

SolomanDaisy · 29/11/2014 14:12

I bet they have done it through a hen party weekend organiser. They sort out all the activities etc. and the costs might include transport between the events. Plus they charge a big mark up.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 29/11/2014 16:18

Not quite read the full thread but 380 and 12 guests comes to more than 4.5k!!! For a couple of days in Newcastle?? And no spa treatments included?

For my SIL's hen do, we paid less than that each for 4 days in a Spanish villa, including flights. And my holiday abroad this year is a week all inclusive in Spain for only a little bit more than you're paying to go to Newcastle Hmm.

I wouldn't go.