to wonder why people struggling with one under 2 get pregnant again so quickly?

[inconceivableme]

Sorry if this sounds harsh!

Disclaimer: I'm in my late 30s and I have a two year old and know all too well the challenges that some days - and nights! - bring....and who would like a second soon-ish (fertility issues allowing!)

BUT I am constantly genuinely surprised by how many female friends and acquaintances who are clearly finding their only toddler a real challenge (sleep, behaviour, allergies, general chaos in daily life etc) and/or have PND and/or are clearly frustrated (judging by their real life and FB comments) with either being a SAHM or combining work with motherhood still get pregnant when their current, only child is still around a year old. Two under 2 is notoriously hard. Would it not be better to leave it a bit longer for your own mental health?

Because in the hell of sleep deprivation, going back on ML, was more attractive than a FT job, and a non sleeping child.

It worked. By the time I went back to work after DS2, all were sleeping through the night (mostly)

I'm asking why those struggling beyond the average with their first would have a second so soon after

My eldest was a Velcro baby - that was my normal but to outsiders it looked impossible to cope with.

The shear number of people who decided I must be struggling and must have pnd over the years - including HV - who insisted I must be lying on the questionnaires they insisted I filled in.

Had a friend who was told her problems were pnd - finally turned out it was an underlying medical condition sapping her energy - they had a bigger gap them they wanted as they waited.

There were times I was exhausted - I had bad days and did on occasions mean but overall it was fine.

I did want to get the baby way out of the way - didn't want to prolonged over years and years but I did really enjoy it overall - as did DH. I think were in that baby mindset.

Sometimes I do wonder why some parents have more - when they seem massively uninterested in the ones they already have.

I did wonder about two different friends with serious though very different underlying heath issue than meant further pg were very dangerous to their long term health and were unlikely to result in health pg - in one case there were several miscarriages and further damage to an already damaged heart and other it resulted in still birth at 20 weeks - which was horrific and emotionally hard to both parents and the DC they already had. I do think in some case there is more than logic at play.

I don't know why your set of friend have done this - you could find polite ways of ask them rather than judging everyone who does.

Well, personally first time I had a horrible birth, nasty tear, a hideous time trying to bf, didn't bond easily, was lonely having moved to a new area, poss pnd. Lots of the things you mentioned OP. But, as soon as things started to get easier I was broody (6 months).

Second time I experienced childbirth (cs) in a wholly positive way, it was love at first sight and already having DD1 had got me started on local friends. No bf guilt this time. There's 17 months between my two, I felt DD2's first kicks on DD1's first birthday.

The first year was a doddle (baby in a sling). I'd say when they were 2&1 and 3&2 was really tough. They are 5 & nearly 4 now and actually lots of fun. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yeah YABU. Life with kids is full of minor frustrations and sometimes it's good to share so I wouldn't take people's fb statuses as proof of a struggle for a start. Clearly if people are a. Having sex b. Going ahead with a pregnancy I doubt they are struggling. Even if they are they clearly derive more pleasure than frustration from their children. In my case, (I am not struggling...yet) dc2 is pending and there will be exactly 2 years between them. Our reasons were threefold; we are all set up for babies- still have cot, pram, house is baby proof, we already get little sleep and have no social life and are used to it, in a few years we want to move house but I will need to be back at work full time, currently only part time, we need dc1 to be at school and dc2 to have those funded hours at nursery to make it worthwhile. So, mostly economical reasons, of course, we could not have any more but we would like dc1 to have a sibling to grow up with.

It took 2 years to conceive ds1 so when he got to 1 I thought it would be best to get cracking in case it took longer second time around one poorly timed shag later and we had a much smaller gap than anticipated.

4 years after that and that nagging broodiness would not relent, so now I have a 7, 5 and an almost 1 yo.

I'm with you 100%. I don't get it. Personally it's not for me. My siblings and I have five and ten year gaps and all is well. It meant my mum was able to give us each more attention in the first few years. Yup- I know what you mean. Crazy. But hey to each his own. My DD is 3 and am in no rush for DC2 but maybe in a year or two?

In the case of my best friend and her husband it was this ...

irish twins is also insulting. well i had a 2 year gap but wasn't struggling. I spent 2 years conceiving my 1st. So I couldn't hang around. Lots of reasons op.

incidently we now have a 6 year gap between 2 and 3 and that is much harder. Taking older 2 to clubs and school etc with baby/toddler is much harder.

I have a 10 month old DS1 and am 30 weeks pregnant with DS2. Do I find DS1 tricky sometimes? Yes, but I'm not overwhelmed by him - I am struggling with some issues from my past but those only reared their ugly heads after conceiving DS2. I wanted my 2 big kids to be close in age and am planning LO3 in about 3/4 years or so as 3 so close would be a bit much for me.

YANBU to think whatever you want - but don't think that FB statuses tell the whole story. My mate and I vent to each other about stress, but I think she's an amazing mum and I'm not too bad either. Everyone needs to let off steam sometimes, doesn't mean you're a permanent basketcase.

I often wonder if people are more likely to have two close together if they hate the baby/toddler bit, to get it over with. I have been lucky to have had three very easy going kids and loved the baby/toddler years, so actually went for longer (3-4 years) gaps in order to savour it!

Sounds like hell to me. Harsh I know but I never wanted kids close together.

DS is 6 and I am 3 months pregnant with my second.

Each to their own.

There's a fair amount of social pressure to have the 2year gap ime.

People start asking if you're going to have another, friends with babies the same age start announcing pregnancies, arseholes start making comments about only children, even bigger arseholes start asking your toddler wouldn't they like a little brother or sister .

Tbh, I always assumed there would be around a 2-3 year gap. It was what I had with my sibling, the gap most of my friends had with their siblings etc. Then dh was made redundant when ds1 was 18 months old so that put the kibosh on that.

Then when we were back on our feet we had 3.5 years of unexplained infertility. But the 6.5 year age gap is fine so alls well that ends well

If we'd had more money, and better fertility we'd have probably sleepwalked into a 2.5 year gap, and that would have been good too.

To get it out the way

I wish I'd had two close in age. I also found the 1-1 relationship extremely difficult. DS is now 6 and no sign of another (because of remarriage, not fertility).

However what has cheered me up slightly is that DH has been going on about getting a dog and I reckon it's a good reason to do it now, in the gap so to speak. I haven't had a dog before so it will be good to do it knowing DS is that bit more independent and reasonable, and the dog will be a good companion for him now whereas he'd have to wait about four years for a sibling to be any fun really. Good excuse to have waited, good excuse to wait a bit longer (which I want to do anyway just for my own headspace). And we'll go for the small gap next time. Eek!

Have had the same curiosity OP, obvs understand the rush if age, fertility
Etc not on your side but it's such a major life event, I know I needed time to embrace motherhood but then get back to me before even having headspace to think about another let alone the practicalities of two lots of nappies, night waking babies etc...just admire people who do it...

I've just had my very first 6 days ago and while I am over the moon with him, I would be horrified if I had a second within 2 years. Quite apart from how hard it would be (for me) to have 2 under 2, the thought of being pregnant again so soon is just awful. Life with a tiny newborn, recovering from a CS feels like an absolute doddle compared to pregnancy. Lots of my frinds have had their second within 2 - 2.5 years but obviously they didn't loathe being pregnant as much as I did. The 3 I can think of who've had a 2nd within 2years (or are expecting a second within 2 years) all had that gap with siblings themselves, so obviously see it as a positive they wish to replicate. They also all want to ha more than 2 kids so are cracking on with (we're all 33). My sister is 4 years older than me and we're pretty close so I don't see a bigger gap as a negative. I'm interested that several people have said they've gone for the smaller gaps to minimise career imact - for me, I'll (if things go as planned) be going for a 3+ year gap so that I can have a decent stint back at work, in order to minimise career impact that way.