to wonder why people struggling with one under 2 get pregnant again so quickly?

[inconceivableme]

Sorry if this sounds harsh!

Disclaimer: I'm in my late 30s and I have a two year old and know all too well the challenges that some days - and nights! - bring....and who would like a second soon-ish (fertility issues allowing!)

BUT I am constantly genuinely surprised by how many female friends and acquaintances who are clearly finding their only toddler a real challenge (sleep, behaviour, allergies, general chaos in daily life etc) and/or have PND and/or are clearly frustrated (judging by their real life and FB comments) with either being a SAHM or combining work with motherhood still get pregnant when their current, only child is still around a year old. Two under 2 is notoriously hard. Would it not be better to leave it a bit longer for your own mental health?

My age was the main reason

DS was born was DD was 17months old. So had 2 under 2 for a good 6 months. It's actually harder now. DD just turned 2 and baby is 7months and getting more demanding. Also, DD is more jealous now, won't let her brother touch her stuff etc.

About to potty train DD and this is where it gets messy! In hindsight, it would be best to wait until your first born is done with nappies before introducing another one!

However, I am also very broody for no 3

Me too Lucky
It makes me quite sad to hear the "getting it out of the way" - they are so gorgeous you can put them in one place and they stay there
My SIL was like that - she had 44 quite quickly and seemed to hate having small DC.

I don't understand the sad face. It's not like people are wishing their kids away, they're just admitting that they have more enthusiasm for the stages of childhood that come after babyhood.

well my SIL really wasn't that nice regarding her DC so it was sad.

Dooble - and you and some others sound v self righteous. Are you honestly saying you have no opinion (whether voiced or not) on what other people do and never ask questions cos you know it all already? Yet you're on MN!

alpaca - please tell me that 44 is a typo??!!

Exhausted - I mean 'deciding' in so far as being actively trying or at least not actively preventing when they conceive. As I said in my OP I know from my own experience that you can't always plan when you conceive.

But I guess you're meaning re: having babies later and general fertility reportedly declining...!

Exhausted - I mean 'deciding' in so far as being actively trying or at least not actively preventing when they conceive. As I said in my OP I know from my own experience that you can't always plan when you conceive.

But I guess you're meaning re: having babies later and general fertility reportedly declining...!

Obviously I UNDERSTAND it on an intellectual level, I just don't get it - as in that's not my experience. I was just counterbalancing all the zillions* of people who wanted to get the baby stage out the way up thread.

*not literally zillions of course

breastfeeding and wasn't having periods so I thought I was safe but it worked out fine, 19 month gap.

Not surprised with 44

There's 18 months between my two, who are now teens. It was hard at the time, but for us, I wouldn't have it any other way.

While at primary they did a lot of the same activities. Holiday care was easy, and now, doing stuff together works well too.

I have one of each, they are closer now than as young DC, when they bickered. Now, they discuss homework, exams, mates etc.

Hahahahaha! yes sorry !
Only 4
Ive come to the conclusion Im not good with 3 small DC and all the multiple demands and better with older DC ( at nursery) and one baby at a time.
I can see that fertility/careers can impact on how you choose to space them out.

But it was exhausting at times I must admit, short lived though, in hindsight.

Because it's short term! Long term it is the perfect age gap. You may be tired, busy and stressed at times but if you have one, may aswell have 2 ! The jump from none to one is the biggie as your life and priorities completely changes. But when you're a parent, you're a parent. Maybe not a great idea if you have pnd....but you could wait and get pnd again anyway.
The long term benefits of 2 close in age far far outweigh the hardships in the early years. Mine are 9 and 7 now and so glad we planned to have 2 under 2. They have really grown up and experienced early childhood together.

I was old. 42 with number 1 with IVF, needed to get cracking. 43 with number 2. Result!

"Long term its the perfect age gap" coughunifeescough

For me it was the years of problems, 6 miscarriage before my first was born. And miscarriage after my first born.

My body doesn't like being pregnant.

We decided to have another go at concieving, rather shockingly to my husband we fell pregnant on the 1st (drunken) shag. It was touch and go at the beginning lots and lots of bleeding/threatened miscarriage but luckily it stuck. I have 2 amazing kids with a 2 year age gap.

I don't find the baby stage partically hard I enjoy it. They are very cute with each other at the moment.

If things had gone to plan we would have another due shortly but again i miscarried at 12 weeks.

I will admit it's been hard some days, but now I am appreciating having a smaller age gap, my baby making days are over and I'm glad I had them when I did.

It's personal choice really! There are hundreds of reasons why other people have a small age gap or a big age gap. A friend of mine has a 12 year old and 10 month old. She thought it was the menopause! Another friend just wanted the baby days over with.

Actually I think long term the age gap is irrelevant. Ok in childhood it makes a difference but that's only 18 out of say 80 years.

I never think "gosh my little bother is only 32" - we get on as well as I get on with my siblings closer in age. Because 6 years = nothing when your in your 30s.

Remember folks siblings are for life not just childhood!

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

I had a 21 month age gap between my two. It was not easy; DS1 was a non sleeping baby and I'd had PND after his birth. I coped OK though. He did sleep by the time I'd become so pregnant I needed to rest in the day and I slowed to his pace and kept his hours. We muddled through.

I got pregnant again (unplanned) because of lots of things. I was afraid I'd not conceive again, I was unhappy at work, I wanted to be at home with DS1 and, frankly, as some posters have said - sex!

But I did need my friends for a moan, to get the bits I needed to whinge about off my chest. I know you say upthread that you had someone specific in mind as you wrote the OP. Perhaps that is one of the functions that your friendship serves for her? To let off steam a bit and things are not actually as bad as she's making out to you?

FWIW, I don't think there is any perfect age gap. This fence is pretty comfy to sit on you know!

I found this post on the various gaps interesting.
www.thealphaparent.com/2012/07/what-no-one-tells-you-about-child.html?m=1

Er Who said anyone values tiny babies over toddlers ?
I just wanted to enjoy all stages of my childrens development rather that "get it over with "

I wanted the baby stage 'out if the way' in the sense I prefered to have a couple of years of 2 in nappies, and need a double buggy for a bit and have to cart a change bag around for the shortest time rather than have one walk, weaned and potty trained then start all over again. Not in the sense of not enjoying their baby days and wishing them away.
Lots of people assume my second was a contraceptive failure, he wasn't. We had in fact gotten pregnant (again planned) when dd1 was 4 months, but I miscarried at 12 weeks. We very much wanted a small gap for lots of reasons, to us it made sense to have the children in the same kind of childcare setting for as much as possible. Matching up childcare for a school age child and a baby is really difficult in this area.

Luckily my DC1 was a very easy child so I wondered what all the fuss was about and got cracking onto the 2nd, them DC2 arrived and the shit got the fan! If I'd had them the other way around I wouldn't of coped!!

I agree with you OP - of course I understand on an 'intellectual level' why people have children so closely together but I do think (to myself, obviously I would never say anything) on occasion, 'why on earth are you putting yourself through all this so quickly'. And I think it is the saddest thing in the world when someone says 'to get it all over quickly' . There is no Law that says you have to have more than one child.

We have just one child, I did (and do) find being a parent very, very challenging and made a conscious decision, knowing how hard I found it, not to have another.

It is a bit like all the threads when people complain about how little housework/childcare their partner does and then go on to comment about how they are pregnant and/or planning another child with the same man - knowing how difficult it is already.

And yes, perhaps these comments do sound judgemental but it's hard to be on a discussion forum without expressing your own opinion - and hopefully learning from other peoples' points of view. .