to wonder why people struggling with one under 2 get pregnant again so quickly?

[inconceivableme]

Sorry if this sounds harsh!

Disclaimer: I'm in my late 30s and I have a two year old and know all too well the challenges that some days - and nights! - bring....and who would like a second soon-ish (fertility issues allowing!)

BUT I am constantly genuinely surprised by how many female friends and acquaintances who are clearly finding their only toddler a real challenge (sleep, behaviour, allergies, general chaos in daily life etc) and/or have PND and/or are clearly frustrated (judging by their real life and FB comments) with either being a SAHM or combining work with motherhood still get pregnant when their current, only child is still around a year old. Two under 2 is notoriously hard. Would it not be better to leave it a bit longer for your own mental health?

I found the intensity of a 1 to 1 relationship unbearable. I found 2 under 2 easier after the hell of the first couple of weeks.

Ragwort

You give an interesting perspective too though MrSheen.

For me it was partly an age thing. I had DS1 at 30 so didn't feel like waiting too long for another. I also wanted two close together as my brothers are significantly older than me and in some ways were pretty much grown up when I was small. That said, the experience of two under two has been very tough and I now know I definitely don't want further children. I want to get this baby stage over and do some of the other things I want to do with my life.

My mate, who had her DC much younger than I did, also found motherhood tough when her DC were little but is now ttc another. The benefits of starting young include the sense of being able to defer further children till later if you like ;)

I think that the more children you have the easier it is, I am expecting number six. I found one hard, five are quite easy.

I'm a love the baby stage type so our 4 year age gap is great for me. Ds1 loves ds2 and he adores being given jobs to help with the baby.

All the women I know who have gone the 2 under 2 route had a rough time with their first baby and I suspect that they wanted to get the baby days out of the way.

I truly don't believe there is a perfect age gap.

I wanted the children to be close together in age. Now they're a little bit older its fab watching them make up games and play together. They're a real team, close enough in age that they can go to the same activities together, they have similar age related interests and they look out for each other too.

Because I was daft enough to believe you didn't get pregnant while breastfeeding. 11 month gap. Wouldn't choose to do it again but did get their daytime naps at the same time so I could have some sleep too which helped!

Today 16:04 BertieBotts

I would have thought the overwhelming thing would be because 2 year olds aren't 2 forever!

THANK FUCK FOR THAT!

I dont understand why it's sad that people aren't all hugely in love with the baby years??? I love the people my children are growing into, I much prefer the age they are now than the tiny baby stage. Why is that sad? I didn't have children to have babies, I wanted to see the people they became.

Precisely, Nobody!

Mine are a planned 23 months apart and I wouldn't have it any other way, most of my friends have 2 year gaps too. Adding a second baby was far less of an adjustment than having the first. They're 10 and 8 now and the benefits of being close in age are enormous IMO. So glad we didn't leave it any longer.

I don't know OP! I have 2.5yo twins so it's a question I ask myself when I see my first time mum cohort getting pregnant for the second time. Do they know what they are letting themselves in for? Having said that I had twins by IVF for some of the same reasons as people have their kids close together - wanting them to be able to play together, wanting to make sure I had two in the bag in case I couldn't have any more. But at the point I made the decision I had zero experience of looking after small children so it was a decision taken in total ignorance and with my eye firmly on the long term. If I'd known what was coming I might have thought twice - although for me as for everyone else, once you have them you wouldn't send them back (also the bulk of the baby/angry toddler stage is behind us so I'm quite happy with my choice - now!)

Funnily enough I've had my first experiences of singleton parenting these last couple of weeks as my girls got chickenpox, first one then the other, and were off nursery at different times. It's a whole other ballgame with one kid. I'd no idea they could be so quiet and focused. One of them anyway. I took the other on the bus and as usual it was 15 minutes of wrestling a small chimpanzee

No I don't have big opinions on how other people choose to live their lives, I find the different ways people do things interesting, but I tend not to judge what I find out as being the right way or the wrong way.

Every age gap has it's good points and bad points.

I agree with a pp, it's more a question of why have a second at all if the first is really hard.

My first is nearly 5 weeks and I definitely never want to do it again. I feel like a horrible person but I am wishing this stage away. I feel panicky and sick at the thought of being unable to do anything by myself for months (I'm breastfeeding). The thought of extending this is horrifying.

I wish I was a better person and mother but there it is. I love him but he's enough!

Completely agree Nobody. What's sad about preferring the company of a funny, engaging child who I can hold a conversation with to the drudgery of caring for a helpless newborn? Not to say I didn't adore my newborns but it's damn hard work and completely unrewarding at the beginning. I find DD easier the older she gets. Actually I want to freeze time at the moment, she's so lovely.

DS is 2 and I'm still breastfeeding, he doesn't sleep through, gets into my bed at midnight etc etc. My periods haven't returned (presumably I'm in the tiny minority of women who can't conceive when breastfeeding!) so it's looking like enforced 'natural' spacing for us. I would have quite liked 2 under 2 but it would have been hell with non-sleeping DS...

slendide it's a huge adjustment when you have your first and it can take quite a while to get used to the new lifestyle. Particularly when they're very young and feeding constantly. It does get easier when they start going longer in between though.

The second one is easier in some respects because you've already gone through the I'm a parent now adjustment.

slendide - you might be right, the baby years might only be something you want to do once. But you're5 weeks in, your baby will be totally different in 2 weeks, your hormones will have changed again. Don't worry that how you feel now is how the baby year is going to end up.

I had was feeling 'totally fed up' with life when DS was 6/7 weeks old.... And then he looked at me, and smiled. Oh how my heart grew. Indescribable love.

The best is yet to come, don't let sleep deprivation make you think you wont be ok. You both will

I will be honest, when I hear people saying the thing about "I really want to get the wretched baby stage out the way as quick as possible," part of me does feel that if I hated the baby and young-child years that much, I'd just stop at one kid, frankly. There IS something a bit joyless about such statements, somehow.

For me , it was simple.

There is an 8 year gap between me and my youngest sibling. I hated such a big gap. How ever many children we had were going to be close together in age, no matter how difficult for me, and we didn't want an only child. Third ds was born when eldest was 4.1.