to wonder why people struggling with one under 2 get pregnant again so quickly?

[inconceivableme]

Sorry if this sounds harsh!

Disclaimer: I'm in my late 30s and I have a two year old and know all too well the challenges that some days - and nights! - bring....and who would like a second soon-ish (fertility issues allowing!)

BUT I am constantly genuinely surprised by how many female friends and acquaintances who are clearly finding their only toddler a real challenge (sleep, behaviour, allergies, general chaos in daily life etc) and/or have PND and/or are clearly frustrated (judging by their real life and FB comments) with either being a SAHM or combining work with motherhood still get pregnant when their current, only child is still around a year old. Two under 2 is notoriously hard. Would it not be better to leave it a bit longer for your own mental health?

Sorry for your losses Always. I miscarried recently myself

Sorry for your losses always. Just see how you go, that is all. I have 4 so no its not that bad mumbles about pre teens and teenagers

Sorry for your loss too op

We're shortly due to have 2 under 2. I had, and still do have horrific pnd and was just about to go back to work ft when I found out I was pg again. It wasn't planned. We had sex for the first time in months and given it had taken over a yr to get dc1 honestly didn't think it would happen as it wasn't at an ideal point in my cycle.

Yes I'm struggling with dc1, yes I'm still suffering with pnd, yes I'm terrified it's about to get a hell of a lot harder.

Not much I can do about it now ( abortion whilst I will fight for the right to have it and fully support anyone going down that hard route, was not a viable decision for us at the time).

I have two with an 18 month gap between them - honestly until DD was about 6/7 they were best friends. It was fabulous to watch and I loved the closeness of them.

DD came along a bit earlier than expected while I had just gotten back to work after some PND and I was terrified of g going through it again but it really worked out for the best.

Thewrongmans some were quite tearful when telling me this, so it seems rather extreme to think they were feeling sorry for me and faking it just to be nice. I'm sure none of them wishes their children away of course.

My three had 3 year age gaps between them - it was great.
Eldest was at preschool when 2nd was born ( and 3rd)and so we had mornings together which was lovely and I could just drop off and go back to bed with the baby

I didnt want to get the baby years "over with" I wanted to enjoy them.

I had 2 under 2 for 3 months. I was 35 when #2 was conceived and for some reason had convinced myself that I would have problems conceiving again. Plus, I guess my heart was ruling my head a bit and I was dreaming about a new baby! It's hard work but probably only initially, as you reduce the total of baby years, it's less time before they're both at school so you can return to work earlier without massive childcare costs, and they entertain each other which is nice.

My mum had me and my sister 11 months apart lol i dunno why though unexpected pregnancy?

Got 20 month and 3 monther.

To get it over and done with.

To have two to entertain each other in a year or so time .

It's been ok so far. Oldest sleeps through, currently breastfeeding little one and he will sleep til 2 give or take an hour. Quick feed then back down. It's not that hard really and my pregnancy and sleepless nights are done nearly. And I can get back in shape. Hopefully

Short term pain long term gain. I have a gap of just over a year between my two. It was hard for a while but I now feel a teeny bit smug that my baby years are behind me, compares to those who have children the same age as DC1 and have just had no. 2, even if their cute little babies are making me a bit broody.

Honestly though OP you do sound awfully judgemental about what other people choose to do when it really is none of your business.

DD is 19 months and I'm due in March. So there will be 23 months between them.

For me personally it was pretty much everything that's been coveted. I wasn't a fan of the newborn stage and wanted to get the sleeplessness, breastfeeding and colic over and done with again as soon as possible. We're only having two children (probably) so the thought that that will all be finished in three years is really appealing to me.

It's about my career too. I'm part time now and it's taking a financial toll. The hope is, again, that in 5 years I'll be able to go back full time and will only have to have taken one, albeit long, career dip.

I personally can't imagine getting to a point where everything has got much easier and starting afresh again. Once it's all done I want it done. Barring any surprises of course!!

Yeah I don't get it either, I don't think the hard times end once they hot school age. My parents had two close in age twice (5 years between the pairs) and the last two were at daggers drawn until they were late teens. Sure they are great friends now but it was bloody hard work for years on end. My mum said if my dad hadn't been able and willing to take the 2 year old to work with him for days on end she would have cracked up, and this was a very patient woman with years of experience of parenting.

I don't understand (well I do really, I just wouldn't want it myself) why people wait until their first is at school then have another. The idea of going right back to square one with babies again after 5 years, argh! I only had 2 under 2 for a month (23 months between them). I was very glad to get the baby stage done and dusted, and they are brilliant friends now.

And I have a friend who is in exactly that situation. Young baby, mental health not great, child is very hard work, high stress job, pregnant again. I think she's mad but hey.

I second sex reputablebiscuit

I honestly think a lot of people do it because everyone else is.

And I don't understand this "getting the baby stage out the way" thing. I love the baby stage and really wanted to make the most of it each time.

HOW is it hard to understand that other people prefer different things??

You love the baby stage but others find it a bit of a grind and are happy to move on to toddler stage. Perfectly understandable.

I was just about to say exactly the same Bertie. 'I don't understand people who' is such a ridiculous thing to say. Hmm, because everyone is different?! Some people like the baby stage, some don't. Some people want small age gaps, some don't. What is so difficult to understand?!

inconceivable, I suspect you're wrong about "most" women being able to decide the timings of their pgs - I suspect that's becoming harder and harder to do.