to wonder why people struggling with one under 2 get pregnant again so quickly?

[inconceivableme]

Sorry if this sounds harsh!

Disclaimer: I'm in my late 30s and I have a two year old and know all too well the challenges that some days - and nights! - bring....and who would like a second soon-ish (fertility issues allowing!)

BUT I am constantly genuinely surprised by how many female friends and acquaintances who are clearly finding their only toddler a real challenge (sleep, behaviour, allergies, general chaos in daily life etc) and/or have PND and/or are clearly frustrated (judging by their real life and FB comments) with either being a SAHM or combining work with motherhood still get pregnant when their current, only child is still around a year old. Two under 2 is notoriously hard. Would it not be better to leave it a bit longer for your own mental health?

The question I don't get is why anybody struggling with one baby wants another one at all. I know objectively it's because they want more/ like it really despite the hardships, but I can't get my head round that mindset. I was knocked for six when DS was born and it's a no thanks from me on having any more.
But friends and family who had it harder than me are going for more. Each to their own!

Plumping thanks so much for the advice ?? I do have a play pen and Moses basket ready and will most definitely do that. I am most scared about the unknown, I know I am lucky to have a very good support network around me and maybe I would have thought differently if I didn't. I'm excited and nervous... I may have to come back to this thread in a couple of months to report back! We shall see!!

Morris, because they don't stay babies forever? DD has got easier and more fun as she has got older, and in the grand scheme of things the baby stage is so short.

Yanbu. The kind of baby you describe your friend has is a very very tough one. I would be very surprised indeed if it was a planned pregnancy.

Maybe your friend is just being brave and telling you it was planned?

Dec2013mummy you'll be fine. First few months are as bad as it gets imo or (looked at another way) it will only get better.

Your ds may still drop toys on your newborn in the basket, so I'd filter out the heavy ones! We used to find ds2 asleep under a light layer of duplo

Because some of us love this crazy toddler life, about to become a mum to 3 under 4
And they make great play mates which makes life easier!

Just to reiterate, I'm not asking why people have more than one child. nor am I asking why anyone would would want a certain age gap. I'm asking why those struggling beyond the average with their first would have a second so soon after. Yes, accidents happen and you can't expect perfect timing but that doesn't account for the numbers in reality.

Why is it only the women you're asking about? don't the men have any say?

I believe reproductive decisions in a couple are the equal responsibility of both parties (as in, both get to decide if and when there's another) so why are you focusing on the women?

Driveclub are you sure your friends are envious of you? Surely no one wishes their children away, I think they perhaps feel sorry for you and are just being nice?

Some of the replies were far ruder than the OP.

FrauHelga and others asking the same question. I'm focusing on the women cos they're the ones I speak to more, are generally the ones who do the lion's share of the childcare and are the ones who moan about struggling to cope....
As I said, regardless of the equality there should be in couples, in reality, the reproductive buck stops with the woman, so I assume that in most cases, if a woman's pregnant itself cos she wants to be?

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and when she's about 4 months old I'm going to get pregnant again.

My reasons are

1. I don't see any point in waiting 3 years just to start all over again, I might aswell have them close together

1. I want them to be close, my mum had us all one year after each other so she had a 2,1 and 0 year old. We're all really close :)

1. I'm planning on going to college and university and leaving it will be easier to have two babies then do my 3 years at college and then university

I know some parts of it will be difficult but it's only a few years isn't it. My mum managed, millions of woman before me have managed so I don't see why I won't.

Oh another reason, none of us ever got bullied at school because we always had 2 sisters. Maybe mine will get bullied but at least they'll have a sibling close by to help out :)

I don't think your OP was rude at all

Oops don't know how leaving ended up in my 2nd point!

Maybe instead of berating the women for having 2 kids so close together, you should berate the COUPLE for the decision?

Or maybe the answer is for the men in the couple (assuming hetero again) to step up? Why does it all have to be the women's responsibility?

FrauHelga - apologies for the hetero centric language?! Again though, no offences intended and it just reflects my reality ie I don't encounter lots of mums in same sex partnerships complaining because one is struggling to cope with motherhood yet is about to become a mother again so soon after their first.

FrauHelga - I completely agree with your point that men should step up more btw!

I find it really odd that people say when they are going to plan to habe future dcs when they don't even have any.

Was that comment aimed at my post FurCoat? And why do you find it odd? Plenty of people plan when their going to have their children

I think the point is everyone and every child us different! Dd was the most hideous sleeper and we decided not to try for another until she finally slept through at 22 months as the sleep deprivation destroyed me.

We consequently have a 3 year age gap which is more than I would have liked originally but the upside is that Dd coped very well with being a big sister when ds was born. By contrast Ds is a pretty good sleeper, but at 18 months is now a total terror, so if I'd had him first and aimed for a two year ish age gap as I originally thought would, I'd probably be sitting here relatively well stocked up on sleep but absolutely dreading how i would manage to protect a tiny baby from an absolute wildcat toddler!

No always, just general musing. Because until you have a child you can't possibly know what its like. As said by another poster they had a rough ride so stuck at one.

This was us. I really struggled with babyhood, and so we made the active decision to have a small age gap, and there's 18 months between ours. I didn't complain about it outside my very immediate circle, and certainly not on FB, but yes, I did find it very tough.

The small age gap has well and truly since come into its own.

My BF has just re-entered the baby fray, with a 5 year age gap between her DC.

To be perfectly honest, I find her decision about as incomprehensible as you appear the find the situation you describe in your OP!!

I think we both just have to accept the people usually have very good reasons for doing things the way they do them. :)

True Japanese.

Also, my brother and I are 20 months apart and grew up together as friends, with lots in common. We are still close. Often decisions are influenced by things like this.

Your right, but after my first baby dying two hours after he was born and then two miscarriages I'm desperate to be a mum and will have as many as I can. My friends have all had their children close together and although they have their bad days they all say its worth it.

One friend has a 2 year old and a 1 year old and their hard work at the minute, but it's all stages isn't it? Their not horrors forever

Interesting Japanese. But I'd add that larger age gaps may be explained by secondary infertility in some cases.