To want to know the honest truth about how much your DH does around the house?

[ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks]

Because I am so tired of mine being shite at housework. To clarify, he works 9-5.30 in a very physical job, leaves at 8.00am and gets home at 6 so he is tired. He generally works 5 full days a week...and he does jack shit in the house.

I work from home on average about 3 hours per day. I do the school runs on public transport with 2 dds. All the housework and all the basic stuff for the DDs such as taking them to their dance lessons on weekends doing their homework with them and most of the shopping and all of the cooking.

DH does a supermarket run once a week and the DIY things. He does take the DDs swimming or to the park on a Sunday and he really enjoys that.

He mucks in a tiny bit with bedtimes sometimes.

Is this fair? He had a go at me this morning due to the recycling not being sorted into their tubs ready to go out. I maintain that he should do that as I do ALL THE OTHER STUFF and I hate doing recycling. I put it outside in bags....he could then put it into the correct tubs and carry them out but he thinks I should sort them into their tubs ready for him to put out.

Is he a lazy fuck or am I being overly demanding given that he works 6 days a week? I don't mind doing the cleaning and cooking as to be fair, 3 hours work per day at home is hardly back breaking and I'm here anyway aren't I? But surely he could do the recycling!?

Jack shit!! He empties the bins. He pays for a cleaner though so I don't mind doing laundry and cooking as long as he sorts all the bills etc, I enjoy cooking anyway.

I never said DH pays for a cleaner I said we have a cleaner. We have a joint business, he works the farm, I work as well as have a horse livery business we both draw a wage, we both pay for a cleaner. I LOVE cooking, it's MY kitchen. I designed it for ME not DH. Is it so wrong to enjoy cooking? It's not hard throwing clothes in the washing machine either. You clearly don't understand what's involved in running farms. 70 hour+ working weeks are normal but that's ok I'll sit on my arse and expect him to come home freezing and wet in winter and cook my dinner shall I? Actually, he doesn't empty the bins he takes them to the end of the road, the bin men empty them!

I don't think vanitas was responding to you, fabulous, she was just answering the ops question.

We live overseas, so have a full time cleaner (live out). I know we are very fortunate. She does everything and cooks 3 times per week.
Dh cooks 1-2 week, clears the table after dinner ( for cleaner to wash up in the morning), cleans up toys in the living room while I do bath time / get dcs ready for stories/bed, makes breakfast for dds
I do nighttime parenting, bath time, school bags, organizing dcs, more general tidying.
We do an equal amount of shopping, and homework. We also work at the same job, although I do slightly longer hours. I think it is pretty even.

Anyone who does significantly less housework has no right to complain if things aren't done the way they want them to be.

I have a bf he doesnt live with me but i do cook and clean for him. Im a traditional type of girl tho
If it bothers you, you should say something

DP only really does stuff when I ask.

I don't mind the physical housework being all mine to do (sahm) but I do resent doing it plus all the "thinking" work- planning meals, researching car seats etc - and all the trawling round finding clothes for kids, taking them to appointments and clubs etc. It feels like every spare moment is spent doing stuff for the house/family etc He works 4 days a week and basically spends all time at home watching tv unless I've asked him to do something in particular. I'm trying to "train" him as his parents have more traditional views ( he grew up on a farm, and laboured on it. But thought its fine to leave everything at his arse for a female to pick up.) 18 months in and I'm still feeling frustrated!

In my view, it doesn't matter what hours a man (or woman) works; both partners should do 50% of the housework. Housework is tedious and unrewarding, and if one partner works from home - either in paid employment or in parenting work - it doesn't mean they should take over all the cleaning and cooking and laundry as well. If one partner is working such long hours outside the home that they feel they can't contribute to the housework, maybe they should reduce their hours in employment and spend more time at home. (I'm on a rant...)

DH does all the cooking and meal planning and most of the food shopping. He arranges the holidays and is first call on financial matters. He does DIY and the veggie patch. He walks the dog twice away.

We both stack and unstack the dishwasher and keep the kitchen counters clean. Both take stuff to the bins.

We pay DD to do the ironing. Everyone takes mugs and plates they've used to the kitchen. Everyone tidies up after themselves in the common areas and put clothes for the wash in laundry baskets.

I do all laundry. I hoover and mop floors/clean bathrooms once a week.I do the non-veggie gardening. I take the wheelie bins out onto the nature strip every week.

We both work full-time outside the home.

I'm on mat leave so do more housework at moment simply because I'm home more, DH works a long and tiring job but he:
Does all rubbish and recycling
cuts grass, attempts DIY
Always takes an equal share of childcare
Baths both children, does bedtime for DS1 while I feed DS2
Cooks dinner if I haven't
Washes up
Hoovers etc
Loads and unloads dishwasher
Does washing including cloth nappies
Does everything I also do basically (except feed the baby as I'm breastfeeding), we take equal responsibility

We share it, although he always does certain things and I always do certain other things. Laundry, shopping, cooking and cleaning are split fairly evenly. He does the bins and the gardening; I do the bills and budgeting and admin. I probably hoover a bit more than he does. We cook for each other on our days off which never overlap, because we like coming home to a nice meal and it means all three of us eat together. For example, I'm off on a Monday and he's at work (leaves at 7.30am, returns at 6pm) so I will have dinner ready for when he gets in - and vice versa, if I'm on a day shift when he has a day off. He does dd's bath when he gets in. Two days a week he collects her from nursery and does bathtime and bedtime while I am on a late shift. Slow cooker is a godsend as is the freezer and batch cooking.

DH is out of the house 13 hours a day, so not much housework. He will do things if I ask, but doesn't have the awareness of what needs doing to run a house. He is brilliant at DIY and outside jobs though. Oh and he does the bins every week and cooks at weekends.

I'm a sahm so overall I do more in the house than he does but once he comes home from work then he mucks in and does whatever needs done. He always does the washing up after dinner, sticks a load of washing in the machine if it needs done. He just does stuff when he sees it needs done, if I haven't got there first and done it.

It always makes me for other people when I read these threads and see how many women are expected to do it all themselves.

well, actually I worded that badly. I'm thinking more of couples where both work similar hours but the woman is still expected to do the house stuff. As a sahm I expect to do the majority of thr house work as I see it as part of the arrangement.

I agree totally treaclesoda, when I see threads where women complain about how exhausted they are because their partners do sod-all around the house or with the children, I wonder why they put up with such useless feckers? There seems to be a mindset in some of "oh they're men, you can't expect men to know those things" etc etc, but why the hell not?

"In my view, it doesn't matter what hours a man (or woman) works; both partners should do 50% of the housework. "

I disagree sorcha.

Working long hours means that many parents just don't have the time at home to do as much housework, and they often are contributing financially more too.
When my kids were young my OH contributed 80% of the family income and I contributed 80% of the domestic work, working only part time and looking after the kids gave me much more time to do housework than he had.

Yes I disagree too sorcha

I wanted to be a SAHM. DP works 8-8pm and is starting up a new business mon-fri. Saturdays he works with his dad which is hard graft. He brings in 100% of the money in to this house and is shattered by Sunday in which he will then help out with gardening ect. He works bloody hard to get cash in to this house

I don't mind doing 95% of the home up keep. I find being a SAHM easy.

DH and I both work full time but he works from home 2 days per week.
Dh walks the dog 90% of the time and does the majority of animal care. He probably does 80% of the cooking and clothes washing and all of the ironing. He does the bins/ recycling and collects Ds from the CM. He helps kids with homework. He does the majority of diy and garden. Maybe 30-40% of the food shopping.

I drop DS at CM every day.
Organise ds school bag pack lunch etc
Probably 60% of the dishes
All cleaning and the remaining percentages of the stuff listed for dh.

He's doing far more than me at the moment as I am working very long hours. Once I break up I will do more. ( teacher)

I completely disagree sorcha.

Who does what in our house is fluid, the only real rule is that we get equal leisure time. So if our daughter naps in the day I get a few jobs done, if not then we get leftover chores done after the kids are in bed (or leave them for next week!). It does take a reasonable amount of negotiating, and occasionally questions such as "Do you want to do the bins or load the dishwasher?"

From the OP: "He had a go at me this morning due to the recycling not being sorted into their tubs ready to go out." What is he? Your boss? When he's at home the house is equally his responsibility.

No YANBU

We both work but I only do 4 days a week at the moment. We have a cleaner who does bathrooms, floors and vacuums. I do most of the cooking, food shopping and the washing, DH does DD's bath time and we split feeds/ bedtime / other care equally. He does bins and all his own ironing, then we split tidying, kitchen and other general stuff pretty equally.

Fortunately we are able to have a cleaner and we have similar expectations of how we'd like to live. This is honestly not a judgement on anyone else but I would not be here if DH expected me to clean up after him. The odd few times he has behaved that way I get really rather cross.

my DH works 12 hours a day in the week plus he has a second job as a session musician so has to learn songs and rehearse etc in the week

he doesn't do a lot in the week chores / housework wise. but does all the DIY as needed, ie he has fitted our kitchen, put in a new bathroom and also laid floor tiling and wooden floors so he is great at DIY. plus he does all the stuff like painting walls, hanging pictures up gardening etc all of which i am rubbish at. He also does a clean at the weekend and does the laundry

so i do the majority of the cleaning etc in the week, i do work but only part time

but he always puts the DC to bed as by that time i have had enough lol

what DOES annoy me though is when he does stuff round the house its like he expects praise, fucks me off as no fucker notices when i clean and whatever let alone thanks me for it

Not much at all to be honest. He works 6 days a week, often not finishing until gone 7pm, and I am currently a SAHM and also due to give birth in 2 weeks.

He empties the bins and takes them out on collection days, offers to do the dishes but never actually gets around to it, he takes DD to school and after school activities if his day off falls on those days, he will help with any odd bits around the house I can't manage but to be honest I pretty much do it all. And it works for us, I don't feel massively hard done by at all I am just used to doing it now and to my standards. He has absolutely none, he would live in squalor and survive on cereal if he was living alone again like when we first met