To want to know the honest truth about how much your DH does around the house?

[ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks]

Because I am so tired of mine being shite at housework. To clarify, he works 9-5.30 in a very physical job, leaves at 8.00am and gets home at 6 so he is tired. He generally works 5 full days a week...and he does jack shit in the house.

I work from home on average about 3 hours per day. I do the school runs on public transport with 2 dds. All the housework and all the basic stuff for the DDs such as taking them to their dance lessons on weekends doing their homework with them and most of the shopping and all of the cooking.

DH does a supermarket run once a week and the DIY things. He does take the DDs swimming or to the park on a Sunday and he really enjoys that.

He mucks in a tiny bit with bedtimes sometimes.

Is this fair? He had a go at me this morning due to the recycling not being sorted into their tubs ready to go out. I maintain that he should do that as I do ALL THE OTHER STUFF and I hate doing recycling. I put it outside in bags....he could then put it into the correct tubs and carry them out but he thinks I should sort them into their tubs ready for him to put out.

Is he a lazy fuck or am I being overly demanding given that he works 6 days a week? I don't mind doing the cleaning and cooking as to be fair, 3 hours work per day at home is hardly back breaking and I'm here anyway aren't I? But surely he could do the recycling!?

I can understand why he is cross about the recycling. I don't see why anyone would want to sort it once it has sat festering in bags, not sorting it into the boxes is just laziness and causes someone else more work.

I have 3 boxes in the utility which it is everyones responsibility to fill with the appropriate rubbish and dd just empties these into the big boxes which go out for the bin men.

could you not perhaps put that sort of system into place?

Firstly, childcare is not housework so I count that seperately. We take everything in turn with DS; bedtimes, mornings etc.

Housework, DH cooks and washes up most nights. He usually does the weekly shop.

I do the laundry, paperwork/admin.

We both tidy, although I probably do a bit more of that because it bothers me more. It's always tidy before bedtime.

On the weekend mornings, I dust and clean the windows and bathrooms. DH follows me around and hoovers/mops.

I work 4 days, he works 5. He is a teacher though so picks up a lot of the slack when he's off. My day off is often used to run errands and I have DS to entertain on that day too.

If there was more disparity in the working hours I'd expect it to be split slightly differently.

DH works 6 days a week, often leaving at 8, getting in at 10. He is standing for parliament as well as doing his regular job.
Slightly shorter on Saturdays. Sometimes has to do work things on Sundays. If he is in on Saturday afternoons and Sundays, or any evenings he usually has to spend an hour or two doing work emails.
He does most of the washing up that doesn't go in the dishwasher.
He has to make his own sandwiches.
He sometimes takes the rubbish out.
That's about it.
I am a SAHM. I do all shopping, cooking, cleaning, childcare, school runs, DIY, gardening, washing, ironing, car stuff, kids extra curricular stuff, finance. In fact anything you can think of that needs thinking about or doing - I do it!
I'm hoping once the election in May is over we will see him a bit more (unless he wins in which case he won't be here most of the time) and he will then do a bit more when he is here.
But I do have 1 day a week when DD is at pre school which is my 'day off' to spend as I want.

So your DH works for 40 hours a week and you work 15 hours a week. You work 37.5% of the time that he works. Therefore it would seem fair that you do 62.5% of the housework and childcare and he does 37.5% of it. He has to commute so you could do perhaps 75% of the housework and childcare and he does 25%. How could he possibly argue with that?

(I work approx. 8 hours a week, mostly from home. But I do @95% of the housework. DH does almost no DIY. It's very annoying but I've resigned myself to the fact that he's lazy and won't change.) DH would say, if you don't want to do it, don't do it. As if that's a workable strategy.

DH and I both leave the house at 6.30 and get home at 7.30/8 ish. We both do desk jobs on full time plus hours. I do more house work than he does, a lot more, not because he isn't willing but I just don't think he sees what needs to be done and I like things much cleaner and more organised than he does. If we could afford a cleaner we would but at the moment we can't afford it. I'd love it if he were just a little bit cleaner so I don't feel like sometimes I tidy up after him and his child (my DSC) so much. I wish he would see what is needed and just do it. if we weren't so damn exhausted all the time I think we would be able to talk it through better but now is not the time in our lives to re contact over who does what and what needs doing, we just do what we can and survive with what we can't do.

Until recently I moaned (internally) that DP did no housework. Then, the more I thought about it, I realised I was equating housework with cleaning. When I actually looked at it I realised he does half the bedtimes, all the cooking, half the bathtimes, all the gardening and virtually all DIY. Particularly now I'm pregnant again.

When I stopped thinking of housework as cleaning it made things seem a lot more even :)

DH leaves at 7.15 am and drops eldest at the bus stop. He gets anytime between 8 and 9 and all he does in the week is wash up after dinner. At the weekend he makes an easy dinner for the kids, think pasta or fish fingers and he empties the kitchen bin whilst cursing at me for filling it too much. He usually empties the dishwasher once at the weekend. He hears youngest read once at weekend too

He's not bad at DIY and will put up shelves, build flat pack and go to the tip.

So all in all he does very little although he swears he does loads. I find it frustrating but his hours are longer than mine, I work 3 days a week and he's utterly exhausted. It gets me down sometimes but that's life. If I complain he tells me to buy in more help as we can afford it, we currently have a cleaner once a week for 4 hours who also irons , and not to be a martyr.

DH works full time but from home (so now commute). I work 4 days of school hours and 1 longer day but have commute (30 minutes a day) so our "working plus commute hours" are not that dissimilar.

DH: takes DC to and from school on my long day
takes them to/picks up from clubs (split about 50:50)
does all meals at weekends and dinner on my long day
regularly puts on washing and hangs out to dry
we take it in turn to do a blitz of the house each week (while the other takes the DC swimming)
he puts out the bins (and we sort the recyling as we go, I'm with OP's DH)
probably most of DIY
about half the gardening

I think we have a reasonable split of doing stuff though I am the main organising "brain".

If I only worked 3 hours a day and DH worked a 60 hour week, I wouldn't expect him to do much (maybe still the weekend cooking as I get so bored of it!)

DH works FT. I work 3 days a week currently moving to FT in the new year. Our salaries are equal with mine being the higher when I go FT.

At present I deal with the DC matters (nursery/school). DH cooks most nights and we share the rest of the household chores 50/50.

People are amazed at how we share everything but I believe it is testament to my wonderful MILs bringing up of her son to contribute in all ways.

I know our situation is pretty unique in our friendship circles, my friends DHs do far less.

Feck all!

Hmm....he does his own laundry and washes his own bowls and cups, mostly.
Once a month or so, he does the bins (but, to be fair, I usually beat him to it as I do it when I come home with the kids)
He occasionally, maybe twice a year, attacks the bathroom and he did clean some mould/mildew stuff off the kids' windows this year too.
That's honestly about it. He grew up with a cleaner more or less full time and a stay at home mum.

I work shorter hours outside the home so I can collect the kids and stuff so expect to be doing more than him but I do need to get on to him about a few things he could do to help when they bug me.

It sounds like your dh works very long hours so I don;t know if you can realistically expect him to do housework during the week. At weekends is a different story, though, and you should have equal child-free time at the weekend, and share jobs. He should also share bedtimes with you too, during the week.

If you work 3 hours a day from home you have no commute, and that gives you about 3 hours 'free' during the day to do house stuff before you have to get the dc from school. No?

Sounds like the recycling is annoying you, though (I hate doing it myself), so why not talk to him about it?

weeblueberry that is a really important distinction I think. I do bugger all DIY.... the joke in this house is that I break and DH mends. There is an element of truth.... he does ALOT of DIY. Just this week he has put up a mirror, replaced a switch, repaired a paving slab and a broken window etc. He also does all the sewing and clothes repairs. It takes time, but I see it as him 'pottering' sometimes. Mainly because he loves that sort of thing. To be fair, I quite like cleaning the kitchen... it's like meditation for me.

DH works FT but is self employed so has flexibility. He does some school runs, and in the morning makes the dc's packed lunches, gets breakfast sorted, does the dishwasher. He also helps them with homework.

I cook all the time, do all the washing, we share ironing,. He does the garden and the bins.

We both do bedtimes - or we take it in turns. TBH he is a LOT better now than he used to be! I have 'trained' him...

I work 15 hours a week. Dh works 50+ hours a week.

• I do most school drop offs and pick ups.
• I cook during the week, DH at weekends.
• I liaise with childcare providers
• Both of us empty the dishwasher
• Both of us put washing on
• DH does the bins
• DH does almost all of the ironing
• We both do the shopping
• I do the hoovering
• I change the beds (DH lost the ability to put a duvet cover on the day I moved in with him, twas very strange)
• I do all the tidying
• I do all the cleaning (for DH's ability to clean a toilet, see duvet covers above)
• We share bedtimes
• I do the DIY or find someone to do it for us
• DH cuts the grass
• DH cuts down bushes and lovingly tended plants in the garden
• I plant things in the garden
• I buy 99.9% of Christmas/Birthday presents
• I organise DCs parties
• I organise payment of school dinners/school trips
• DH does homework with primary DC
• I help with homework with secondary DCs

Hmm, we both work full time (similar hours), and he does practically ALL the cooking, and horrid stuff like bins. We both empty the dishwasher (him more than me).

I do all the washing. And deal with most of childcare stuff. He does morning chool runs as I start work earlier. We are pretty evenly split on DD's homework. I do all present buying, card stuff, mainly because I like it. But I don't count that as a chore.

We have a cleaner who does a thorough clean once a week. So I suppose we're lucky in that the balance is pretty even. Yet we both still feel hard done by and that we do more than the other. I am quite lazy, to be fair.

He does hard core garden stuff too, whereas I cultivate my herbs and deadhead roses mainly!

I am the only person apart from the cleaner who ever cleans the loo!

DH leaves for work at 7.30am and is back 5.30-6pm.

By 5.32/6.02 he is talking to us all and taking over any homework or reading I haven't done with our youngest while I do the ironing.

I cook most of the time but he will if I want a break.

He takes all the recycling. We have three big bags and they get filled with glass and plastic. I have separate bags but everyone else just chucks them in. DH has yet to pass out when finding glass and plastic in the same bag.

He does most of the gardening.

He cleans the bathroom and kitchen if it needs doing.

I do most of the food shops but he will get stuff when he buys his lunch.

I do everything I can in the day and he does what he can when he is there.

He takes the kids out at weekends sometimes while I make the roast dinner or get on with jobs/have five minutes.

We have our jobs sort of but both will do the others if they need help.

We are a team.

Mine does the evening dishes prob twice a week. That's it. Oh and very very occasionally hovers the rug in the front room (yes just the bloody rug). BUT he works ALOT of hours and I am a sahm with school age kids so I see it as my job as it were. I don't like it but there you go, I think it's fair.

Although now I think about it, when I worked full time too, I did it all then too. Hmm maybe not so fair!

Obviously DH pays the bills, DIY, garden, but in the home is considered my domain.

Dh and I both work full time.

We work as a team in the house - 50/50 running our home, including head space, 50/50 sit down time and nights out whenever we want. Which turns out to be rarely.

My parents worked as a team. Hopefully our dc will learn to have the same expectations of a life partner.

Who wiped their arses when they were single and worked full-time?

I work 40-50 hours per week on average. DH does 40-45. He also does 70% of the housework (the stuff that keeps things running day to day) and I do the other 30% plus any 'big' things (like organizing builders/getting the lawnmower collected for service, etc).