To want to know the honest truth about how much your DH does around the house?

[ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks]

Because I am so tired of mine being shite at housework. To clarify, he works 9-5.30 in a very physical job, leaves at 8.00am and gets home at 6 so he is tired. He generally works 5 full days a week...and he does jack shit in the house.

I work from home on average about 3 hours per day. I do the school runs on public transport with 2 dds. All the housework and all the basic stuff for the DDs such as taking them to their dance lessons on weekends doing their homework with them and most of the shopping and all of the cooking.

DH does a supermarket run once a week and the DIY things. He does take the DDs swimming or to the park on a Sunday and he really enjoys that.

He mucks in a tiny bit with bedtimes sometimes.

Is this fair? He had a go at me this morning due to the recycling not being sorted into their tubs ready to go out. I maintain that he should do that as I do ALL THE OTHER STUFF and I hate doing recycling. I put it outside in bags....he could then put it into the correct tubs and carry them out but he thinks I should sort them into their tubs ready for him to put out.

Is he a lazy fuck or am I being overly demanding given that he works 6 days a week? I don't mind doing the cleaning and cooking as to be fair, 3 hours work per day at home is hardly back breaking and I'm here anyway aren't I? But surely he could do the recycling!?

I must be in quite a unique position as a person that worries that my dp might be doing too much!

He works f/t in a job that means he's standing and active most of the day, I work p/t with peaks and troughs, mostly around childcare.

My dp does most of the laundry, he does his own ironing for work clothes and the kids uniforms. I iron my own stuff when I need to and our dc's clothes for out of school or trips etc.

I keep on top of organisation, tidiness and cleaning, but if I don't manage the hoovering or d/washer, he will take the initiative and do it. He is not a great organiser and I don't have a problem with that, as I enjoy it and he appreciates it.

He disposes of all the recycling and empties the bins. We both organise the recycling as we go along -- we have somewhere to put it so it just needs taking out.

He packs his own lunch and the children's lunch in the morning. I have regularly offered to do it but he insists that he doesn't want me to.

I facilitate dc's h/work with them, organising costumes, presents for everyone.

I take care of all the household finances (insurance, mortgage, etc.), repairs, household purchases, etc.

I'm pretty good at diy myself and usually initiate that and ask for help if essential. I've sanded floors, painted rooms and plumbed in new sinks and toilets with out any help.

I'm the plumber and electrician in our house but he's more confident with drilling and electric saws -- he cut a cat flap out of a brick wall after I found a video showing how to do it. He's happy to diy if needed but I usually do the research on the best way to do it and I wouldn't ask if I thought he needed a rest!

I do most of the shopping and cooking but he has no problem doing it when I can't. When I worked f/t, he did most of the supermarket shopping as he left work before me. I do all the menu planning and cooking for entertaining too but he's usually on hand to help prep, chop and lay the table.

My dp is always so appreciative of what I do and I know he does as much as he can. I frequently find myself encouraging him to spend more time on himself as I get that more than he does when the dc are at school when work is in a trough period.

We try to treat one another fairly and review the tiredness factor as we go along.

I wonder if being considerate, appreciative and willing to chip in is more important than an audit of who does how much and how much time they have to do it?

I am SAHM, DH works in an office 9-5. My DH gets up with the kids 3 & 11 months and gives them breakfast, changes baby's nappy, unloads and puts away dishwasher stuff, tidies up breakfast things if he has time and takes out rubbish.

My baby doesn't sleep well and is in bed with me most of the night and on me most of the evening at the moment, so this is why he does all the mornings.

When he gets in we both muck in getting the house tidy and getting the bedtime routine started, he usually loads the dishwasher and cleans the kitchen after dinner as I make it. He vacuums the sitting room as I still can't use a vacuum due to spd. He usually starts the bath and I have 20 minutes to myself until he hands me a clean, dressed baby to get to sleep (this doesn't always happen but it's the plan!) I then do bedtime stories etc with the 3 year old while he gets 20 mins.

I do all laundry but he hangs out/puts away if he sees it and there's a backlog, he irons his own shirts, bins we both do, I do most cleaning except for vacuuming, but we both have a blitz at the weekend if it's been one of those weeks.

He interacts with his children a lot during all this as he is their father and doesn't need to be asked to, and at weekends he makes lunch and one of the dinners.

When I was getting more sleep and was in less pain between babies I did more. In your situation, if he were to work 6 days and both kids were in school with 3 hours home work, I would expect to do more, but still have a sense we were working together. I think arguments about housework are petty and we generally try not to get on at each other about who should have done what and just get on with it, but then we are a team so don't approach it as though it is a competition.

I think he probably should have just done the recycling rather than making an issue of it with you.

Absolutely zero.

He does loads - washes up, cooks, does bath/bedtime, cleans, puts bins/recycling out, shops, plays with kids, takes them places, mows the lawn...as do I, we split things quite equally without ever needing to discuss it much.

He works ft with a longish commute. I work ft with a short commute. But he did all this stuff when I was a SAHM too.

Why? Because he's a fucking grown up.

We both work full time (I also have a part time evening job). He gets days off here and there in the week. We mainly split it but I do feel the onus is still on me to make it all happen. I am not happy about this but it's so much better than it was, and if it doesn't improve further then I will eventually feel so resentful I will fall out of love with him and he knows this. Things are vastly improved from 6 months ago. Until this year I only worked part-time or was a student so it has taken some time for us to adjust to me being out of the house more than him.

If he has a day off in the week and packs DD off to nursery I would expect all the weekly housework to be done. If he keeps her off so they can spend some time together then we all chip in at the weekend to get everything done. Tidying falls to whoever is home at the time. I do think if I died tomorrow my poor DC or DP would never have clean bed sheets again.

We tend to sit down at the same point in the evening, so if something is still needing done the first person free does it. Usually the person putting the toddler to bed does the washing up as it takes less time than putting the baby to bed. We just kind of muck in until everything is done, no lists or anything. He knows I will have done laundry etc if there is a chance in the day, so wouldn't dream of claiming he is busier because he goes out to work. I would hate sitting doing nothing while he did housework, better to do it together and get it done sooner. He feels the same, I don't understand the tit for tat relationships, they kind of assume every day of childcare is the same with the same free hours. One snotty clingy baby day and of course there is more to do at bedtime, that doesn't mean I actually did less that day.

This is like Groundhog Day. DH and I had a lengthy row last night about exactly this, kicked off by an impasse over the bloody recycling. DH wants me to put any overflow onto the kitchen counter (yes, he wants me to put rubbish onto food preparation surfaces ) to make it easier for him to divide it up and/or take out less frequently. He refuses to acknowledge that if I do do this (which I won't) it stays there for two or three days going mouldy before he takes it out to the bins.

I'm currently on mat leave with a non-sleeping EBF 16 week old who will only nap on me. We also have a 2.5yo whose sleep is also going slightly up the spout as he's feeling a bit dispossessed over his new baby brother stealing his only child crown. He goes to nursery on weekdays. I normally work FT, as does DH, and my household duties don't change when I'm at work. DH also has his own small business that takes up a lot of his time at home, so I do the majority of the housework (DH does not agree that I do - bollocks) all night-wakings with both boys and will often take both boys out by myself at the weekend so DH can work or (yes, I'm a mug) have a nap. He has never looked after both boys by himself.

In terms of housework, I do:

• all of the mountains, and mountains, and mountains of laundry
• all cooking and meal planning
• all shopping (I prefer online shopping but am currently doing a combined Aldi/Tesco shooting save money)
• afternoon nursery run
• most bedtimes for both boys
• I look after my mum who lives in an annexe by our house (a bit of picking up and tidying for her everyday as she's pretty immobile)

DH does:

• morning nursery run
• the dishes
• we share toy tidy-up although he'll usually do it in the evening so I can get an early night in preparation for 1-2 hourly wake-ups
• the bins once a week on bin night
• each week, he is supposed to change all towels and bedding, wash the dogs and pick up dog poo in the garden. In reality, he does these about once a month. I end up picking up the dog poo every day if I can (seriously, he would leave it for a month or more if I didn't) and turn a blind eye to slightly mouldy towels and skanky dogs and beds.

He thinks I have a much easier life 'because I'm at home all day and get to watch TV'. That nearly got him a punch in the nose

This is like Groundhog Day. DH and I had a lengthy row last night about exactly this, kicked off by an impasse over the bloody recycling. DH wants me to put any overflow onto the kitchen counter (yes, he wants me to put rubbish onto food preparation surfaces hmm) to make it easier for him to divide it up and/or take out less frequently. He refuses to acknowledge that if I do do this (which I won't) it stays there for two or three days going mouldy before he takes it out to the bins.

I can't imagine a worse idea.

I know. Thank you.

Not much at all - I do all of it.

It doesn't bother me most of the time. We leave in a small flat with no DCs so it's not too onerous and my standards are higher than his.

When I do feel cross I remind myself how much I'd hate to live with a neat freak who nagged ME for things, and that calms me down.

He will do his washing up when there are no clean plates left and sometimes cooks.

I went on holiday for 2 weeks in the summer. When I got back he hadn't even put the bin out for the binmen so it was overflowing!

We both work full time but very close to home so are only out of the house 8-5ish.

I often have alot of gripes, but at the moment our housework is split me 90% or more and DH 10% or less. But he is working crazy hours right now, and is mostly away from home. Back late friday night, leaving Sundays. So when he is home I just let him do whatever he pleases (he is on leave this week and is spending it doing admin). I do insist he reads a bedtime story each night, but he is usually so knackered and although I also work (but not quite full time) I have just picked up the vast bulk of it. That is fine for now, but when his situation changes (his work is a bit off and on) then I expect more in the house. When I am stuck on work projects he usually takes time off and does everything. Give and Take. I have had serious arguments in the past, but we now have worked out a really good way of working I think...has taken 10 years though!

I've just got to the point where I feel we need to explicitly say what both of us are responsible for, and agree what's fair.

I think it's just part of how we have been brought up that a lot of women do the majority of the housework, when we are also working. It's something I need to change in my relationship as I'm feeling overwhelmed at the moment.

I can't comment on your situation but it doesn't sound fair at the moment.

I'm on maternity leave atm so I do the bulk of the childcare but DP does his fair share when he's at home. We aren't particularly houseproud but we've pretty much always been 50/50 with cooking and household chores.

I don't want to say I'm "lucky" because as I see it, a relationship should be an equal partnership. Tbh I'm always a bit gobsmacked to see how many MNetters are with blokes who don't lift a finger around the house or help with kids. Why would you put up with that? It isn't 1955!

My DH does a lot of the shopping (and always forgets things or gets the wrong thing even with a list grr!) He does a quite a bit of the cooking but no housework. He works full time and I don't work now. So I do wish he'd tidy up a bit more. He says he does but he doesn't really.

when he lived here... he worked 8 hours per day and had about 15 mins commute. me: sahp

he looked after the children while I made tea. he put one of the children to bed whileI fed the other.

he put his own washing away.
occasionally washed up badly.
sometimes took the bins out, though often forgot and got grumpy/agressive about it.

he still takes the bins out when he comes to visit the children. it is the only way he can get in the door. (literally)

his attitude to housework was that it was not important. he rarely saw what went into it. often said things like I can't wash up and look after the children... and it is boring looking after the childern on my own.

there is less to do now he has left and it is easier as he is not aroundso much messing things up using every bit of crockery and cutlery in the kitchen.

I'm a SAHM at the moment. DH does Mon-Friday, 9-5.30 and rarely has to work late. He is abroad a lot on business, so we don't have a routine as such as I tend to end up doing everything and he doesn't immediately fall back into doing stuff on his return. When he's here, he fills the dishwasher if he isn't 'too tired' and will empty it (with much grumbling) if I leave it. He is meant to take the bins out each week but in practice this happens once a month and the recycling bins appear to have a cloak of invisibility over them (left to his own devices he bins EVERYTHING and I have to go and fish things out the main bin). He does his own washing (nobody irons in our house unless it's a special occasion).

If I ask, he will bathe DD. I'm out 2 nights a week with my theatre group, he puts her to bed those nights but this often means she goes to bed in her vest/pants/whatever she was wearing without teeth cleaning. He is meant to do his side of the family's birthday cards and presents etc since the great SIL debacle (a thread in itself), but again in practice I have to remind him and end up buying the cards and gifts.

If I ask him to cook he buys take out. However, he does pay for everything at present and I don't mind cooking. The rest of the housework, however.... also if I went under a bus today, he would not have a fucking CLUE about DD's school routine/clubs/hobbies etc.

Dh out of the house 12-13 hours and I'm a sahm to a 17 mth old. He bathes dd 3-4 times a week, reads and dances to katy perry with her every night and shushes her to sleep at bedtime and weekend naps. I do night wakes which is just a quick cuddle (co sleep). I'm crazy busy 5-8 but must admit I have lots of sitting around during the day. I know his job is full on from start to finish. Come May and arrival of new baby he's going to have to help batch cook and de-scum at the weekend.

Mine does lots and works twice as long as I do. I prefer to cook each evening but if he's home around 7pm he does the washing up,mid he's not back till 10 then I do it. He puts the washing out, the bins out, does the garden when it's needed and when it isn't , fixes all our bikes and car when necessary, isn't adverse to putting the Hoover round or cleaning the loo. It's a partnership, thankfully.

He also spends time at work browsing MN so will probably see this and be quite smug.

I would say it doesn't matter what each of you do. The tester is, do you each have the same amount of free time to relax/pursue hobbies etc?

Is the time after 'work' be that out of the home or sahp shared?

Should have added - the most important bit is that he doesn't expect me to do everything either.

He takes the bins out. Nothing else at the moment. (Because he works two jobs. His day job from 9 to 6pm, then he works at home from 8 pm till 1am), plus a couple of hours on Saturday and Sunday morning. It is pretty insane. He also cleans the pond and deals with the fish.

I work part time, and study part time, so I feel a bit stressed at times. We have two children, 1 in primary and 1 in secondary, so I deal with everything related to the kids too, school runs, activities, house, cooking, cleaning, garden, etc. We have a cleaner once a week though, I wish she could come every second day.....

When he's home, he's 50:50 with the kids and housework. Sometimes he does more than me when I'm in pain or fatigued.

He does:

All of the cooking
The hoovering
Cleans the bathrooms
Bins
Sweeping

I do:
Dishwasher
Washing
Beds
Cat litter

DH has a long commute (out 5.30 to 7.30) so doesn't do anything in the week. At the weekend he does diy stuff and physical jobs I find difficult, eg hedge cutting. He's a bit rubbish at housework but is quite happy to take responsibility for 18 month DS so I can get on and do it. I'd say that at the weekend he takes over as primary carer.

Mine gets up at 5:10am leaves the house at 6:20 and gets home at 6pm 5 days a week. He has a responsible job, it's quite physical and he is in charge of a team of people. He, also, goes away a lot.

He empties the dishwasher every morning before work.
He makes his own pack up.
This week he's put the washing machine on before leaving.
He cleans both cars.
He does the garden
He does all the hoovering and mopping floors
He cleans both bathrooms
He empties all bins
He puts the re-cycling out
He puts the wheelie bin out
He cleans the fish tank out and the hamster out

I do the cooking, dusting and cleaning the kitchen. I usually do the washing and ironing. I'm disabled and in a lot of pain. I do as much as I can, if I can't DH does it, or DS2 (DS1 has moved out). If they didn't do it, it wouldn't get done and none of us want to live in a shit tip.