These things annoy me, but can't admit out loud without sounding like a w*****

[1wokeuplikethis]

Not exactly 'oh I won euromillions and have too much money' but the following things really annoy me and I can't tell anyone for fear of sounding like a total douche;

1. my legs are too thin. They aren't knobbly twigs, they've got a great shape but are probably a size 6 while my waist is a 12 so any jeans that fit my amazing legs won't do up and I need to let my belly hang free.

2. my expensive Clarins hand cream is shite.

3. I spent £40 on an amazing lancome toner only to realise after opening that it's the wrong one. So I had to spend £20 on the one I meant to buy.

4. after losing 4 stone in the last year none of my winter coats fit and I can't afford a new one -because I spend all my money on ridiculously expensive toiletries- so I basically look like a winter turkey with my giant coat and stick legs.

Am I allowed to be annoyed by the above? Am I alone in my self indulgent tragedies?

We had a friend stay last night. Following a drunken conversation last night, we all went out for a late breakfast this morning, then a late lunch. I ate so much at both meals, I felt sick.

But not so sick I couldn't toast some marshmallows on our back garden fire an hour ago (burning branches our gardener cut down). So now I feel really sick...

One of the smoke alarms has started beeping. The house is so big, with at least one alarm in each room, it will taking forever to find which one is beeping.

I'd moan about having to clean FOUR bathrooms, but we have a cleaner for that so it doesn't irritate me, unless one of the cats starts peeing in the sinks. There are 9 sinks in this house, so the cats can really go to town before we realize that one of them has a UTI and has started peeing in the sinks.

Hmm mine are:

Thick long hair takes ages to dry.

Size 10 waist and 32E boobs but
size 12 hips and legs means dresses too big around waist and jeans fall down

Miss Dior hand cream too highly scented and gives me headache

Have to look busy or make myself scarce when the cleaner comes.

Can't wear my Tiffany bracelet because the baby wants to play with it all the time

Four bathrooms to clean is annoying.

My house is so big when I shout the dc they can't hear me.

I convertible car needs to go into storage for the winter, I'll have to drive the Range Rover instead, soooooooooo annoying.

Our income has outrun our appetites and free time, so we sit glumly contemplating the money we haven't the time to spend. DD makes an effort, but she's run out of wardrobe space.

My weight loss also means my trousers fall off, or gather repulsively about my withers and give the impression my colostomy bag is full.

Badroly, I feel your pain

I have very good breasts but almost permanently erect nipples. They're not too noticeable in the winter, but it's really hard to find summer clothes that hide them, and I'm far too old for peanut-smuggling to be a good look.

I have 4 bathrooms....it's not even a big house. Pissing townhouse. Pissing stairs. Cleaner on a Monday. Which means by Monday evening all 4 will need the seats put back down and/or flushed.

My underfloor hearing switch has broken in the kitchen. My feet are cold.

My princess cut engagement ring snagged my tights and I muttered something unladylike.

Researched the price of some of my bags to put on eBay. Found out one of them has retained its price, even second hand. And mine is in mint condition. Can I be arsed to stick it on eBay? Even though I could really do with the money? Urrrrrghhhhhh who can do this for me? For free obvs....!

1. I am the youngest child so when my family visit - as they did today - they spoil me. My sister bought me a DVD but I accidentally picked up the blu-ray instead so now I can't watch Frozen tonight. FFS.

1. I don't have children so I can spend my Saturday nights getting sloshed on wine and beautifying myself. But I can't be BOTHERED painting my toenails and they look awful. WOE.

1. I look a lot younger than I am, so I have to look flattered when 21 year olds tell me, in wonder, "But you're old enough to BE MY MOTHER?!" Um, thanks?

1. I have amazing lips so I spend more than I can afford on lipstick because it makes me feel pretty. BOO.

Ooh, that feels better.

I am very tired because I went to a party tonight and I was out drinking last night til late. I am just sooooo popular and it's tiring.

Underfloor hearing??? HEATING. Stoopid phone.

They've stopped selling organic milk at the Co-op that's just across the road, so now I have to walk another 100 yards to Booths to get it .

My mum is coming over tonight to look after DS for us tomorrow (for free) so now I have to clean the kitchen and bathroom so she doesn't realise what a slattern I really am.

Someone has linked me to blog that I'm really enjoying, but I've also got a newspaper and a book and the whole of the internet and I can't decide!