Am I being mean and making MIL freeze

[40somethingwonderful]

Lots of history with MIL who is difficult at best.

She is coming to stay for a week at the beginning of December and she already has been moaning to other relatives that her awful DIL will make her freeze, by this she means not whacking up the central heating to 21 degrees as she does in her own home.

My 2 dc's and myself so not feel the cold much and we usually only have the heating on for a few months when its really cold, dh feels it a bit more but quite happily wears a jumper in the winter months, myself and DD really struggles if it is too hot and when we visit MIL & FIL we can not stay too long as its too hot.

I do not want to make her feel unwelcome, but also can not stand it being too hot, so we usually set it for 18 degrees, (which is about the most I can stand) MIL will wear a thin top and a very thin cardigan and then complain she is freezing and asks for a blanket. We have bought her thick jumpers and thick cardigans for Christmas, but she does not bring them to wear.

Where MIL is concerned my views are very cloudy, she is not a frail old lady, she is early 60's and very active.

I have always been of the opinion you can add layers, so AIBU and am in fact ill treating my MIL.

Sorry, some of us are cold blooded and would feel wretched even at 21 degrees in thermals. I can go running in sub-zero temps with barely a stitch on. But if I'm pottering or sitting my temp plummets.

I sleep with the heating on at 20 degrees (23 in the day), in fleecy pj's, thick socks and a winter duvet. If I'm still I'm cold.

Some people are cold blooded and others aren't. I stopped going to my stepmums house for xmas because it was too cold. When dad was alive he used to reluctantly whack the heating up, but I gave up when he passed away.

I think you need to turn the heating up for her over xmas.

It does sound like you're being a bit U, it really wouldn't hurt to turn the heating up a bit for a week. I think it's really your secret way of punishing her for being annoying in other ways, isn't it?

Couldn't cope at 18degrees. I am 70 and our house is 22 in the daytime and 17 at night. The heating is on from 7.30 am to 10.30pm with the option to turn off from 10.30am to 4.30pm but we usually keep it on all day from late November to April.
Since I turned 60 I feel the cold a lot. It is easier to be comfortable in a tshirt if you are hot than to pile on woollies if you are cold.

Send her round to my inlaws - they have their thermostat set at 32 degrees!! It's suffocating.

Yanbu.

Surely she can wear extra layers.

But then I'm a bit hard maybe... I've got an underactive thyroid and I feel the cold dreadfully but through financial hardship I've learnt to manage without the heating on apart from a 1 hour blast in the evenings. I just wear a massive fleece from sainsburys that is super warm and sit under a duvet in the evenings! Cheap and toasty warm.

We couldn't afford to put the heating on for someone who felt cold. But I know this situation isn't a financial one.

I'm with the OP. The woman's only 60! It's not as if she is a frail 85 year old with mobility problems who needs to be kept warm! She needs to move around a bit more because if you are sat all day doing bugger all, you do get cold.

As for those who have the heating on at 18.5 overnight, I would actually be ill with a thumping headache in the morning, we've never had the central heating on at night.

BTW I am actually a cold blooded person, I have an electric blanket, I wear layers when it's cold, I like a warm-ish house. However, I loathe the sort of house you walk in where the heat just hits you, it's stifling. I like an ambient temperature not an oven.

Actually, dances, people breed germs, and during periods of cold, tend to hang round together more in groups, this spreading disease. Not washing your hands frequently is a far more common carrier of disease.

We have our heating on all the time, my kids, ages 9 and 6, have seen a doctor all of three times each in their entire lives.

Personally I'd split the difference.

my inlaws used to have the house unbearably hot. I got zero sleep when we stayed over and dd didn't cope well either. We are talking almost full whack. heating and no windows open for ventilation.

It's miserable so I do sympathise and it doesn't help when people won't hep themselves and put a sodding jumper on.

get her a heater for the room. and maybe an electric blanket and make sure she brings her jumpers. oh and provide a dressing gown if you can.

I'd be cold in your house, and I'd be miserable. DH and the children don't feel the cold like I do so we compromise on the temperature I don't like wearing lots of layers though. I tend to wear slippers (makes a huge difference), and a body warmer - it leaves my arms free, but keeps my core warm which makes the difference.

So, YABU compromise on the temp, and buy her a nice gilet type of thing.

YANBU to not whack up the CH dial, as it wouldn't be fair for you and your DD to suffer from overheating to ensure she doesn't have to put on a jumper, but do get her an additional plug in radiator for her room, and an electric blanket. She's your guest and it's important to ensure she's comfortable.

Loving the competitive coldness on this thread.

Id purchase an oil filled heater for her bedroom, and keep the radiators in the lounge and her bedroom on high and then low everywhere else.

She is a guest, make her feel welcome and comfortable please.

fivepies - 32 degrees!!! Even I would find that too hot!

YABU.

It's Christmas, a time for comfort, charity and happiness.

Making someone rattle around a cold house in big jumpers doesn't sound like any of those things.

And it's a personal thing but I find people who don't the heating on miserly and thoroughly miserable. My uncle was the same and we hated going to his house.

Stick the bloody heating on.

YABU: She is a guest not a permanent member of the household, so you can at least meet her halfway by turning the heating up a bit.
I usually just take the jumper route myself, but when someone gets really cold - hands, feet and nose too - its miserable and a jumper isn't sufficient.

I would do exactly what you say ThinkI'vebeenbacked. I would let her have a convector heater for her room and if she sits in the lounge all day, I would have that room warm, but no way would I heat the whole house to 21.5. Our house which is really well insulated would be like a bloody sauna! Our thermostat is on 16... and the radiators are hot, and the house is warm! I turn it up when it gets colder if we need to.

No competitive coldness from me because I do feel the cold actually but I hate the stuffy central heating feeling.

Buy her a onesie. Dare you!

The problem with these discussions is that I guess that people are just going by the setting on their old analog thermostat when they mention their ideal temperature. Not sure how accurate these are. It's possible that OP's 18 is actually 21. (And MILs ideal temperature is actually 24.),

In my car I have the climate control set to 22. I'm guessing that is an accurate temperature because there's modern digital equipment involved. I believe an accurately measured 21 to 22 degrees are considered the optimum temperatures generally speaking. (On the air conditioning in BIL's flat on the equator, the allowed temperature range is 18 to 25, so 21 or 22 is exactly in the middle of what is considered reasonable, and 18 is considered the lowest any human would want.)

Sitting in the car, looking for a setting that can stay the same all the year around, I can feel a significant difference between 21 and 22. 21 is definitely sometimes to cold, 22 never is. So if people are three or four degrees apart in their ideal temperature, that is a massive difference.

Incidentally, my home thermostat is on 19, but I am not cold. Suspect the actual temperature is 22 or higher.

theres no point saying you havent had your heating on yet if you live in the south of England, its warmer down there we all know that

I suspect the miserable buggers who dont heat their houses and make everyone wear itchy wooly jumpers are the ones we all know with the kids who have permanently runny noses that the parents never notice, or wipe

Ni competitive coldness from me - just trying to explain to all those saying "just add more layers" that that really isn't sufficient.

Roussette if I let my bedroom get any cooler than that I would never get to sleep! I remember one time my hubby and I stayed in a guest house in an old chateau and he spent most of the night rubbing my hands and feet to try to warm me up. My nails and lips were blue. It was a very miserable experience!

Are you sure your house temp is 18degrees?
Sorry to be a doubter. Our thermostat is set to come on at 18 but the house the house is much warmer than that. I feel sick if its too warm tbh.
When we stayed with rellies when ds was tiny i feared for him at night due to the cold. It only dropped to 17 degrees most nights (i had a room thermometer) but felt very cold and his hands were really bloody freezing. 21 degrees would be considered a "healthy" room temp.
I would split the difference, put the heating up to 19.5-20 and provide her with nice comfortable shawl and slippers.

Oh, an Absence of central heating doesnt protect you against colds. In fact, the cold virus quite "likes it" if your nose gets cold. So more likely to get a cold with a cold nose.

We only have ours on for freezing mornings. You could compromise on say 20 and turn the radiator in your room off totally which is what we have done as our body heat warms the room up adequately. I can't sleep in a hot room and I also think it's unhealthy.

Yes fraidy x post.

This thread made me laugh. My MIL's house is freezing too. I'd go there more often if it was warmer. However unlike your MIL, I feel the cold there even though I wear a t-shirt, polo neck jumper and big jumper or cardigan and on my feet I wear knee-length socks, thick ankle-length socks and dolly slippers inside furry boot slippers. I suppose I could wear gloves and a hat too, but who wants to wear that inside? When I arrive I don't take off my coat until I've been there for ages! MIL's family all have an unusual tolerance for the cold IMO - SIL will go out for a walk on a frosty day wearing a skirt and thin tights and an open-necked blouse with no scarf! They all have an excess of personal insulation though. Unlike my skinny frame. They used to go on about me and my DS not eating enough blah, blah. That stopped when DS grew taller than them and would ask for second-helpings/ make himself a couple of sandwiches an hour after dinner etc

It's hard to relax when you're cold most of the time and if you have a cold or cough it takes much longer to shift it.

You do feel the cold more when you're not in your own home.

The polite thing to do would be to turn your heating up.

You could take lots of measures to keep your cool: wear a vest and shorts, have iced drinks, put a fan in your bedroom, go outside a lot......

If the cost of the extra heating is an issue that's another matter. I sympathise if your MIL is a nightmare and it's silly of her to not wear warm clothes - a nice blanket on her chair would be sensible, but otherwise I'm on her side re the cold house.