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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being mean and making MIL freeze

227 replies

40somethingwonderful · 27/11/2014 08:00

Lots of history with MIL who is difficult at best.

She is coming to stay for a week at the beginning of December and she already has been moaning to other relatives that her awful DIL will make her freeze, by this she means not whacking up the central heating to 21 degrees as she does in her own home.

My 2 dc's and myself so not feel the cold much and we usually only have the heating on for a few months when its really cold, dh feels it a bit more but quite happily wears a jumper in the winter months, myself and DD really struggles if it is too hot and when we visit MIL & FIL we can not stay too long as its too hot.

I do not want to make her feel unwelcome, but also can not stand it being too hot, so we usually set it for 18 degrees, (which is about the most I can stand) MIL will wear a thin top and a very thin cardigan and then complain she is freezing and asks for a blanket. We have bought her thick jumpers and thick cardigans for Christmas, but she does not bring them to wear.

Where MIL is concerned my views are very cloudy, she is not a frail old lady, she is early 60's and very active.

I have always been of the opinion you can add layers, so AIBU and am in fact ill treating my MIL.

OP posts:
SurfsUp1 · 27/11/2014 08:22

Could you get her an electric blanket?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 27/11/2014 08:23

She would like my dad's house, 25 degrees night and day - poor ds nearly passed out last Xmas, we had to strip him off so he could cool down. The first thing I do when we stay is crack our window open and turn our radiators off in our room and it's STILL too warm just due to the heat coming in under the door and through the floors.

I don't feel the cold but I do think 18 degrees is pretty low mid winter unless it's really, really mild. That said I don't understand people who don't at least put a warm jumper on.

SockDrawer · 27/11/2014 08:24

(And turn the heating up a touch, you can always open the window in your room and your dds room if that extra degree pushes you over the edge. )

OttiliaVonBCup · 27/11/2014 08:27

Being hot is even more unpleasant that being cold and when you cold you can put another layer on. Not much you can do if you're hot.

I hate going to my sister's in the winter, it's like a bloody greenhouse.

DollyMcDolly · 27/11/2014 08:29

My mum's house is always cold. I hated it growing up. It was miserable. 18 degrees is freezing to me in December. Turn the heating up.

redexpat · 27/11/2014 08:31

I have very little sympathy for people who dont dress appropriately despite knowing the place they are going to will be colder than what they find comfortable. So everyone i went to school with. But she is a guest so id see if i could find an electric blanket for her room, and heat her room a little more.

LegoAdventCalendar · 27/11/2014 08:34

On the contrary, dances, being cold for long periods is very bad for you, especially the elderly. Very outdated idea that central heating is bad for people.

grumpyoldgitagain · 27/11/2014 08:36

If it's only MIL then let her freeze she won't stay as long

Or send her round to ours for a night then she will know what a cold house is
Kids seem to not notice it and will happily draw on the ice inside there bedroom windows and just put an extra jumper on when it gets cold

We do have heating but even with the wood burner going full whack it never gets too warm, the joys of an old farmhouse with solid brick walls and draughty single glazed windows I guess

EveDallasRetd · 27/11/2014 08:36

My mum sounds the same as your MIL. She's coming up for Xmas but we will prepare by whacking the heating up for her (we haven't even got ours on yet as we have a real fire) and DD, DH and I will wear less - think sleeveless tops and TShirts. It drives me mad, but I figure it's only a week.

HicDraconis · 27/11/2014 08:37

She should come and stay with me - our house is 23 degrees without the fire on!

YABU, she's a guest and should be made comfortable, unless your ulterior motive is to make her never visit again in which case just tell her outright she isn't welcome.

I'd turn the thermostat up to 20 degrees and wear thin tops or stand by an open door every now and again. And possibly get your thyroid checked. 18 degrees is cold.

SunnyBaudelaire · 27/11/2014 08:39

I think you should turn the heating up in her honour tbh. 18 is really not that warm -

BrieAndChilli · 27/11/2014 08:40

Get her some furry slippers. I have some boot like slippers and makes a big difference, honestly it will be a revelation for her. I can be freezing but as soon as I put my slippers on I am fine even though nothing else changes

dancestomyowntune · 27/11/2014 08:41

But Lego, I know it is anecdotal, but I know my children are not ill anywhere near as much as their contemporaries and whilst the house isn't heated to tropical levels we are not cold. We were vests/layers and move around a lot.

Central heating/ warm conditions breed germs and bugs and is not good for the environment.

Only1scoop · 27/11/2014 08:43

Yabu turn the radiators up in the rooms she uses most.

Staying for a week wow that's a ling time....2 nights is the limit for my milConfused

Roseformeplease · 27/11/2014 08:44

You need to buy her a small, easily moved heater, for her room. Also, a jumper, thick socks and a blanket. Do not give them to her - they are to be kept at your house for her to use when she is there. Make a fuss of her and give her the extra clothes, show her the heater etc. She can't complain and the house (mostly) remains reasonable.

Cynically, though, will she just find something else to moan about?

Preciousbane · 27/11/2014 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pfeffernusse · 27/11/2014 08:45

Yes, you are being a bit unreasonable.

When you have guests you try and make them comfortable. Make sure it is warm enough for her in the living room and her bedroom - you could turn the radiators off in your bedroom and your dd room, so that you have somewhere cooler to retreat to, and make sure you dress for the heat.

Woozlebear · 27/11/2014 08:47

Sorry, I think you sound a rude host. I get it's complicated by otherwise difficult relations with MIL but I was brought up to put guests first. It's only a short while.

FinallyHere · 27/11/2014 08:48

After years when my parents how was always freezing, i know that the trick to layers is what you start with. Is there any chance you could encourage her to wear a thin layer of thermal long sleeved vest and long johns, the kind designed for skiing. I used to lots of sets with me, so i could wear them day and night, when visiting them.

Imagine, the first time i took now DH to visit them. They had put the heating on in honour of him and i sat melting in my thermals.

atticusclaw · 27/11/2014 08:51

Seriously, persuade your MIL to wear ski thermals?!

Just put up the heating to 21 if that's how she feels comfortable, stop being selfish to your guests and wear a sundress so that you don't feel too warm.

vitaminC · 27/11/2014 08:52

YABVU. Room temperature is generally considered to be 20°C. 18° is very, very cold for sitting around in, during the day.
I keep my thermostat at 20.5 during the day and 18.5 overnight.

To all those people saying it's easier to warm up than cool down: you really have no idea! I'm very sensitive to the cold and when the cold goes right through me it doesn't matter how many layers of clothing I add, I still can't get warm. A long hot bath usually helps, then wrapping up in blankets with a hot water bottle and a hot drink, but it takes a few hours to get warmed through again.

There's no way you'd get me to the dinner table at that temperature, however. My teeth would be chattering and my throat so tight I wouldn't be able to eat anyway. In fact I sometimes even throw up from being too cold for too long Sad

hackmum · 27/11/2014 08:55

I would be freezing at 18 degrees! This is one of those hopeless situations, though - I am forever turning the thermostat up, DP is always turning it down.

I think you could at least put the heating up higher in her room and ask her to wear warmer clothing/lend her a jumper.

whois · 27/11/2014 08:55

Yeah I think a compromise is best. Whack the hearing up to 19 or 20. Buy her big furry slipper boots and a nice jumper and seeding gown to love at yours. A heater for her room and a throw for the sitting room.

Then you and your DCs can wear thin trousers and a vest top to compensate for the extra heat.

It's shit being cold. One of my friends is as tight as fuck with her heating and she has a big old hoise, and the guest room is in a kind of annex thing which is abut 5 deg colder then the hoise. I know it's cold. I take thermals and slippers and gloves and everything. But it's still shit.

I'm not going to stay with her again in the winter months after I work up last winter freezing despite thermals gloves hat and puffer jacket on in bed...

MiddletonPink · 27/11/2014 08:56

18 degrees is miserly.

It's bloody December!!

Stop causing trouble when you don't need to.

whois · 27/11/2014 08:56

Oh, and to join in with all the smugers - we haven't had our hearing on yet. Oh so worthy.