To sincerely hope motherhood is not the best thing I will ever do?

[purplebiro]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant, recently announced on FB and an old school friend commented "congrats - it's the best thing you'll ever do". AIBU to really want to reply "I sincerely fucking hope not"?

I know she was trying to be nice and I am delighted about the pregnancy but I am also highly intelligent, ambitious and hard working - if the best thing I'm ever going to do is with my womb, I might as well give up now. AND I doubt anyone would ever say that to a man.

Oh no. Is this going to be a feature on the Wright Stuff in the morning?

I was thinking that bowlers. Still responded....

Hey, we've all been there!! When we thought that we would make our mark in some way on the world....
Come back in 5 years time OP and tell us your view then.

What do you think Sparkling. A lot of passionate replies yet nothing from the OP.

I don't think this thread has quite gone the way the OP wanted...

Really surprised that so many people can talk about it in such a detached way.

harrowgreen I'd just like to point out (although I think I made it fairly clear) that I was speaking about my own life/children/experience.

I often read the Guardian on Saturdays and without fail all the celebs who are parents in the Questionnaire answer the "What do you consider to be your greatest achievement?" question answer their child(ren).

Perhaps you think they feel obliged to post that but they don't really mean it .

I think you may change your mind once you've had your baby ....

Me too Halle, several times

While I think my DC is the best thing I'll ever do, I do think there are lots of people who will do better.

Some people touch so many lives that it has to outweigh the lives of their children. E.g. war heros, scientists curing diseases, engineers finding safer ways for people to perform tasks or get from a to b, charity and aid workers, campaigners stamping out various abuses, inventors, etc.

I'm sure few of them would sacrifice their child's life for hundreds of random others. But objectively, their child would not be the best thing they have done.

It would be nice to think it would be possible in life to touch more people than your closest family, and do something to make the world a better place.

But that's going a little deep into a pretty innocent comment.

I think I have seen on an ante-natal thread I'm on so don't think she's a reporter.

Bowlers I hope the OP does come back and tell us what the best thing is going to be.

It's a bit difficult to compare having a child to other achievements.

I agree with Athrawes. I didn't find life empty and meaningless before DD was born. I love her to bits but have found motherhood far more challenging and worrying than rewarding. I don't see having children as being the be all and end all of my life either, just a part of my life.

YANBU.

I never understand the "Proud" thing.

Any fool can procreate. When my DC are grown then I'll judge what sort of job DH and I and the myriad other people involved in their upbringing have done.

For now...I love them more than anything else but proud? Meh.

I am very proud. I have two teenagers, I am proud of them and of myself and DH.

It's likely to be the most fulfilling thing you will ever do OP. In that sense it might be the best thing you will ever do. I think I'm quite intelligent and I have a good job but my children give me far more fulfillment than that does!

As a pp said I would say the same to a man and I have done in the past.

Good lord, I don't know whether to reach for the sick-bucket or the anti-venom

Congratulations op , hopefully you've done the right thing and ran screaming from this thread

buildsite thanks.

Any fool can procreate

That will not go down well claw

Although I agree about the 'proud' thing to an extent. When people say "aw DS lifted his head of the floor for the first time I'm soooo proud" - of what exactly? Being a developing human baby

I'm proud too. There is a sense of achievement that without me these gorgeous young human beings wouldn't be here.

"if the best thing I'm ever going to do is with my womb, I might as well give up now"

I think they were talking about actually being a parent? Not giving birth?

ok I am a bitter infertile so clearly biased but from my limited perspective but;

• i know a lot of people who have put their all into their children only for the kids respond by shooting off with barely a backwards glance as they know see there loyalties as now lying with their own children etc.

-my SIL had a nervous breakdown because of her daughter (is it still the best thing she ever did?)

• if it is the best thing one will ever do, why didn't anyone tell me? because when as a enager sex ed didetc was all about prevention etc and, being quite not bad looking I could easily have got pregnant at a young age and perhaps continued the cycle of poverty in my family but instead i decided to sort myself out, create stability in my life, seek therapy, look after my younger sister, help my mother,be a mentor to my nieces etc. instead.

so i think that, while emotionallly nurturing a gorgeous little baby into adulthood must be amazing there must be some qualifiers? e.g. it can be the best thing you ever do (in terms of your own life satisfaction... but equally it could turn out to be pretty awful and a bad choice for the individual depending on multiple factors?

however having a child as a focus for affection must be fab as there is very little else to give life meaning. ...

ps sorry for the long post, being 'childless/childfree' gives me plenty of time to rant!

I often read the Guardian on Saturdays and without fail all the celebs who are parents in the Questionnaire answer the "What do you consider to be your greatest achievement?" question answer their child(ren)

I always read this and think they were obliged to say that. The word 'achievement' is an odd one, if they had asked 'what makes you happiest?' I would say my children, but my children aren't an 'achievement' in the conventional sense of the term.

If you read MN then you see that the majority of people are just ordinary and often quite unhappy, struggle with their weight, marriages fail, a good proportion will have mental health issues, family issues, other problems. Perhaps less than half would describe themselves as 'happy'- should all these parents consider themselves failures for having ordinary adult children instead of the happy, healthy, great job, lovely life children that of course everyone would prefer.

I am not my parent's 'achievement' though I am sure my mum, if asked, would say parenting was her most fulfilling role. Men rarely state this in newspapers (unless in the Guardian/Times touchy feely sections), at least not in the financial pages or the Economist- and let's be honest, Paul McCartney or whoever might think his greatest achievement is his children, but it's not otherwise no-one would be interviewing him at all!

Can you pass that bucket this way when you're done mrssmith

at the bucket passing.

Any fool can procreate.

My goodness what a horrible and untrue thing to say.

My son is 12 months and having him is the best thing I've ever done. I've got a degree and had a great job but so what? As PP said, pretty much anyone could be trained to do my old job but nobody can parent my son but me (and my DP of course). I'm now a SAHM. That doesn't take away my educational and career achievements, having a child is a different type of achievement.

I'm proud of my son every bloody day and having him is the most important and best thing I've ever done or will ever do.