To sincerely hope motherhood is not the best thing I will ever do?

[purplebiro]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant, recently announced on FB and an old school friend commented "congrats - it's the best thing you'll ever do". AIBU to really want to reply "I sincerely fucking hope not"?

I know she was trying to be nice and I am delighted about the pregnancy but I am also highly intelligent, ambitious and hard working - if the best thing I'm ever going to do is with my womb, I might as well give up now. AND I doubt anyone would ever say that to a man.

What do you think will be 'the best thing you ever do' purple?

Best thing I've ever done. By a mile.

yanbu and i am infertile and know that my life is meaningless and worthless. babies rock!

Yabu, of course it's the best thing you'll ever do. You'll realise that once you've had your baby and what your friend meant.

I know my DH feels it's the best thing he's ever done too, and we weren't even planning on a baby.

It's hard to explain.

But if raising a kid isn't the best thing, it's certainly the most important thing you are going to do. You're responsible for a life that's going to grow up and live their own life based on the values and lessons you taught them.

That's a pretty big task.

But it doesn't mean you're "Just a mom". Having a reputable career and children aren't mutually exclusive. You can do both.

People have said it as often to my (very high flying) DH. Just as they have said it to me. Our careers are important to us and we do very well in them, but it doesn't even compare in terms of sheer hard work required and the amazing rewards.

I'm sure this will piss the hell out of you OP but your post stems from ignorance. Being a parent is a bit like have sex, you can read every book available, watch lots of films of other people doing it or talking about it, but until you have fine it yourself you don't know what the hell you are talking about (sorry).

Save this thread into a word doc and make a note in your calendar to re-read in about a year. It'll give you a laugh, which you might need round about then.

If you are very brave come back and report!

Best of luck.

I've helped a lot of people in my working career. I'm highly ambitious and may I say pretty intelligent. Was not sure if I wanted children. However ...... They are the best thing I have done. You need to grow up!

when I was pregnant, I was all "I can't wait to get back to work, career progression etc etc". 9 weeks into being a mum I can tell you that this is harder than any of my qualifications, than the 11 years I have spent doing a job I love...but that if I could be a SAHM, I would grab the opportunity with both hands. I knew I would change but I wasn't prepared for how much. this is EASILY the best (hardest, most tiring, wee covered) thing I have ever done.

bowlers yes, I've got 2 DC.

Sorry I haven't rtft, sorry if this has been said already but I don't think the physical aspect of procreating/giving birth is the best thing I ever did, I'm fairly intelligent, have a good mind, a good degree and I'm ambitious too. However since having had children I can honestly that having children and doing my best at raising them has been the most challenging thing I've had to do and the best and most rewarding fullfilling thing I have done. maybe it's just my own opinion but having a child so reliant on me for everything (physical needs and helping prepare them for the world) has forced me to look at myself a lot and has changed me profoundly (for the better).

So yes for me it's the best thing I ever did but I wouldn't have known that during my pregnancy. I was prepared for how much it would change me.

Even if I won a nobel prize, looking back on my deathbed and thinking I could give up one thing, winning that or having my children, I know I wouldn't be wishing my children away.

What do you envisage as being the best thing you could do, OP?

Are you excited and pleased to be pregnant, or struggling to come to terms with it, for some reason?

At 12 weeks maybe it's all still a bit of an abstract concept. Are you worried about a loss of identity/autonomy once you have the baby?

I think your definition of 'best' might be quite narrow OP

YABU because it was meant so nicely.

However anybody who tells you how you will feel when you hold your baby or when your baby first gurgles or whatever are also being unreasonable. For many women, motherhood is a work in progress.

I felt nothing when I first held DS. At a year I was vaguely attached to him but still would have given him back if the hospital had offered.

I really like him now, he's 4. Some moments with him are amazing, truly amazing. But I can think of a load of other stuff I'm very keen on too.

Don't fall for the hype about how you'll become a gibbering heap of mummy love after b-day. Who needs the guilt when it doesn't pan out like that.

What the others said.

Obviously if you choose not to have kids or infertile then your life is not worthless.

I understand what you mean. I told people about my amazing new job (which sounds very prestigious even if you don't know what it is) and my pregnancy at the same time, I was irritated that there was far more excitement about the baby than the job. Tonnes of people do babies, my peers started at 15, hardly anyone does the work thing, especially at my age.

Now 9 months later I kind of get it. DS is the most amazing thing I've ever done, but probably the easiest. Even if conceiving is difficult, growing a baby is easy (even if the side effects are horrid), it's like magic.

YABU

My womb wasn't involved in the production of my two youngest children, but they are still two out of the three best things I've ever done .

The rest of my life is pretty darn fabulous too.

^^ bluegreenhazelgreen said it better than me. Right on the money imo.

There's not an iota of doubt that being a mother is the best thing I've ever done. By far.

Thanks for answering Petallic. I found your post a little sad.

I know of plenty of hardworking, intelligent and ambitious women who feel strongly that having children has been the best thing they have ever done. Not that is stops them being successful in other ways too.

Give yourself time, you may be surprised.

I am with the OP actually. Being a good parent is certainly a very important job but the "best thing"? That ranks alongside "the most meaningful" and "your life is meaningless without children".
As a school teacher I think that some teachers are doing a darned better job than some parents, we see the mess that some parents make and that's their best effort, the best thing they can do...really?

My life was not without meaning before children and I hope for my child's sake will not be without meaning once he has grown up - seems very sad and codependent to put all your existence in one basket.

clutchpearl I have a PhD and a 15 year career as a scientist behind me, and twin toddlers. There are loads of people who could do my job as a scientist, only me and DH who can parent our kids. And in terms of the challenge - parenting is FAR harder. I've often said if I'd put the same effort into my career as I've had to put into my kids I'd have a Nobel by now.

YANBU.

Surely it depends on your definition of 'best'.

Having a baby is not an achievement (despite what the Daily Mail or Telegraph might lead you to believe whenever a royal baby's conceived...) so in that sense, it's not the 'best' thing you'll ever do.

But in turns of your individual experiences throughout your life, it may well be.

I would be happy to die thinking that having my children was the best thing I achieved in my life.

Its got nothing to do with my intelligence, my education, how hard I work, my various jobs or anything else.