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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

999 replies

Mammanat222 · 23/11/2014 17:34

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

OP posts:
TheVioletTinsel · 24/11/2014 20:30

Yanbu to not want muddy shoes on your carpet but yabvu to be gloating online that your friend,s partner calls his three year old a spoilt shit.

MrsMarcJacobs · 24/11/2014 20:35

Trying not to judge her partner for saying that but why does he think it is her fault. Sounds like she doesn't have his support which is a very tough situation to be in. Hang in there OP, she needs you.

FloatIsRechargedNow · 24/11/2014 20:35

I'm a bit on the fence on this one. The decider depends on:

Were the boots actually muddy or just wet?
As the 'story' is set in London on a wet day is it just feasible that the boots were merely wet and not caked in mud as some posters seem to envisage? If so, possibly a wipe down may have averted so much angst. Just curious.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/11/2014 20:36

Violet has it exactly.

It's not about whether the child should have been allowed to wreck the carpet.

It is much deeper issue than that really.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 20:37

TBH I think one persons caked in mud is different to anothers, we live in country and our boots are not truely caked in mud.

even if they were in special london mud Confused why not let her up to the kitchen = get her in the house, make her feel welcome and then deal with the boots.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 20:38

I actually think cream carpets should be banned Grin

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/11/2014 20:39

Why are people so black and white.of thinking.

Just because we think it's crap the OP.and others have been laying into a woman struggling with parenting and that the OP has been encouraging a public flaming of her friend of 20 years we must suddenly all think that the child should be allowed to walk on the carpet with muddy boots.

Why can't people think a bit more deeply about it?

usualsuspect333 · 24/11/2014 20:39

I don't think she needs a friend who cheerfully slags her off on MN.

The wellies were CAKED IN MUD!!!!

Well they were by about 3 posts into the thread.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 20:41

Hang in there OP, she needs you. Shock

I think the last person in the world this poor mum wants is this snake in the grass so called friend.

the crimes - one, boots on carpet the other......telling all and sundry about what her partner said about her child Shock + intimate text details etc etc etc etc.

eeyoreeeyoreoh · 24/11/2014 20:45

Did she? Blush

Only read about the first 200 posts.

Well obv it's not very nice to slag off your friends --but most of AIBU would disappear if people stopped doing that.

Going to re-read thread, but I maintain - shoes off out of respect.

I have cream carpets, a dog, 2 kids and don't expect people to remove shoes btw.

eeyoreeeyoreoh · 24/11/2014 20:48

Ah, I see.

Dripfeeding NEVER pays OP ;)

clam · 24/11/2014 20:49

I think the husband and the way the friend is bringing up their son is besides the point.
Is the OP being unreasonable not to want a toddler (or anyone, for that matter) treading on her new carpets in muddy boots? I simply cannot believe that there are this many people who are say they'd be fine with it. Or do they all live in cow-sheds?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/11/2014 20:50

Noone said they are fine with the mud on carpet.

Jeeze Louise.

eeyoreeeyoreoh · 24/11/2014 20:53

Yes, clam, it's not about the mud on the carpet, you see. There's an AIBU tangent going on to take the OP apart from something other than the actual issue she's posted about.

You know the drill, this is AIBU.

"AIBU for expecting Starbuck's to serve my coffee hot"

"yes of course YABU! Wtf are you doing Starbucks? Have you no morals? No ethics? how do you sleep at night? You're an abomination"

and so on.

clam · 24/11/2014 20:54

Well, going along with the friend in allowing him to keep them on means it's kind of inevitable, I would say.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/11/2014 20:54

That's right.

All the OP asked was "AIBU to not want mud on my carpet ".

Hmm
usualsuspect333 · 24/11/2014 20:55

The OP brought up all the other stuff.

She posted the bloody texts and emails on here to be bitched about.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/11/2014 20:55

There's not going along with the friend and then there's telling her to fuck off and ripping into her and having pages of people calling her a shit parent.

usualsuspect333 · 24/11/2014 20:56

We didn't make that bit up.

clam · 24/11/2014 20:56

"The OP brought up all the other stuff."
Only in light of all the questions she was being quizzed on about back-stories and so on.

eeyoreeeyoreoh · 24/11/2014 20:57

Yes, you've made that point several times now Fanjo

MrsMarcJacobs · 24/11/2014 20:58

wow, I just think OP was initially venting - she did not know the whole situation at first.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/11/2014 20:58

Well some people appear hard of understanding eeyore.

Which makes it doubly annoying when they patronise and pat me

eeyoreeeyoreoh · 24/11/2014 20:58

Sorry Fanjo and Usual, I meant

usualsuspect333 · 24/11/2014 20:58

If she didn't want any comments on the texts etc she should have kept them private.