To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

I only slag off smug parents.

So Celtic, if a mum at the end of her tether posted for advice on MN, after all, that's what MN is supposed to be all about. You think she should be called a prick told her kid was a brat she was a crap parent?

Rightio.

Celtic I hope your kids never rebel

voyages completely agree. Some parents just need to grow some balls.

We are decorating our spare bedroom. Was going to just sand the floors, but I'm fancying carpet now

If a mum posted that she was at the end of her tether she would get immediate support and kindness as we have all been there at some point I guess.

If she retold the story I would certainly have advised her that of course it's hard but she couldn't really expect her friend to put up with muddy wellies on her carpet just up avoid a tantrum.

I would advise her that tantrums are part if the kid deal but you just have to deal with them as calmly and consistently as possible.

I would tell her she was being unreasonable and to ring her friend to apologise.

I would tell her we have all been there.

All kids rebel to a greater or lesser extent.

That's perfectly normal isn't it?

Celtic and plenty of others on here seems to think that being as nasty as they can about a clearly struggling parent is the way to go.

Doesn't show MN in a very good light, really.

Still this is AIBU, can't expect any kindness at all in here.

It's all about the nasty.

Rebellion is completely normal yes. That's why it's more important than ever thay you equip yourself with the parenting skills to deal with it, whether your child is six or sixteen.
Usual why don't you leave the thread if you find it so nasty

Gosh, this is still rumbling on!

Quite frankly there is nothing I have said in this thread that I wouldn't say to friend in RL. Posting here actually prevented a knee jerk reply at the time so probably did our friendship a favour.

I had no idea there would be such contention about it all though.

As I say friend has expressed contempt for MN on many occasions and I doubt she'd ever be on here for anything - specifically not for parenting advice.

I have taken on board the posters who had said that I was being unreasonable but I feel I have pretty strong counter arguments as to why I made the decision I did.

It's not because my carpets are more precious than my friendship, it's because a very simple step (shoes off) can easily protect something we've just maxed out our credit card to buy.

No exceptions.

Lets also not forget that my friend 'started' throwing the accusations of sub standard parenting about? She made a few very personal remarks about how I parent when her son didn't get his own way?

I have given some facts about how she parents and how it's affected our friendship and yes whilst I have divulged some email and text content it's hardly anything sinister and much of it wasn't word for word (I incorrectly may have been using " " and opposed to ' ')

I wouldn't want to upset my friend any further, she is clearly struggling but I have my own struggles too. I don't go round taking it out on other people though.

(I just post here !!! Which according to some is actually worse !!!)

I like to provide a bit of balance in a sea of cuntiness, Celtic.

Yanbu op, you did nothing wrong

She's not wrong in her contempt of MN.

Are you happy to see your friend get a public kicking?

Does it not bother you all the names she has been called on this thread?

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character

I just don't get how all the people talking about the op's friend as a useless, namby pamby, carpet destroying, she devil can square this with the op's words above.

How a friend post about their dear friend in this way is beyond me.

Mamma, I am curious, I asked earlier, whether you friend has any specific concerns about her ds's behviour? I ask because it does sound as though she isn't coping, and his behaviour sounds extreme - you seem to put this down to her parenting?

Good luck with it OP. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out the way you want. You have been nothing but kind and generous spirited towards your friend.
She seems completely self absorbed, and she is going to come to realise that not everybody is going to put up with her histrionics and demanding behaviour sooner or later. You have gone above and beyond what many of us would do. ‰

But then I would never buy cream carpets shudders. What I would certainly not do is have an argument with one of my oldest friends about it and then post the private details of it on an Internet forum asking the world to join in my condemnation of a friend. I would see any or all those things as rather ... Low rent.

Celtic, can I just remind you of the thread title....

To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

Heartwarming eh!

Oh FFS what a load of sanctimonious twatfuckery!

No one arguing the toss with the OP genuinely believes what they're saying, they just love a bit of argey bargey.

Your friend is a rude twat OP.

Aww I was so pleased to read "sanctimonious twatfuckery" then saw it was used in the wrong context.

LOL at all the posters on here who would welcome a toddler with wellies caked in mud into their house with open arms.

"Ooh, you've got soaking wet mud all over your feet! Don't want to take your boots off? Never mind, come on in..."

mouse
I'm searching for a holiday apartment to rent in London for a week next year, if the description says 'we ask guests to remove their shoes due to the carpet' then they automatically get struck off my list of potentials. I would of course, take my shoes off if they were wet and filthy muddy but a rental apartment that doesn't expect wear and tear of flooring suggests to me a rental apartment that is more high maintenance than I would be comfortable with.
They are not wrong to ask but I am not wrong to want to avoid them.

I'm late to the party here OP, but really YANBU.

I am generally of the view that people who ask EVERYONE to take their shoes off on all occasions are a bit precious - but a toddler in welly boots is a different story, really it is and the issue is more that she can't even feel she can facilitate this with her own child, and that is very much her issue.

My children's school has the usual fairly grim muted coloured carpet tiles that most schools have, and the children still HAVE to change their shoes if they've been on the grass at break time. Like it or not, its something her child will have to come to terms with eventually!

I've seen some inhospitable sounding stuff (its all a matter of opinion) on here, like not liking someone smoking IN YOUR GARDEN, not wanting a visitor to the house to use a toilet, not wanting a workman to use the main entrance, that kind of thing, but I don't think this is one of them I really don't.

YANBU. There are other issues here and they are hers not yours.

I think your post makes you sound like a rude twat, eeyor.

Ah no fanjo, the context was perfectly correct.

I don't believe FOR ONE MINUTE that people on here really think it's ok to let their DC trash someone else's carpets because they struggle to control them.

Not for one minute.

I think people just saw words " friend wouldn't take sons wellies off new cream carpet " then proceeded to say things like your friends out of order, selfish, blah blah without even thinking twice why she behaved the way she did.

Laughable really and quite scary that these posters are someone's RL friend.