To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

I think your friend is just being rude - it shouldn't matter whether it's a 10 day old carpet, or a 10 year old carpet if they're kept clean & you're house proud you should just take your bloody shoes off.

YANBU

Yeah I was going to say I think there must be something else bothering her. Seemed a bit of an overreaction!

Do you really want to ditch a 20 year friendship over this? All sounds a bit babyish, on both sides.

No matter WHAT colour my brand new carpet was........you'd damned well take your wet wellies off in MY house!

If it's taking her ages to get him dressed, and is frightened of taking his wellies off, then she is doing something radically wrong with her child.

I don't think yabu at all. I have very old carpets (which I am hoping to replace in the next year) and I have 2 young kids. Everyone takes off their shoes when they come in. If they can't take them off (in hurry, or just popped in) then they stand in the hallway, on the bit that people tend to wipe their feet on). Even people who come to do bits of work take their shoes off (unless it's dangerous for them to do so)!!!

I don't get this shoes in house thing. Never did. Never will.

I always take my shoes off in other people's houses unless they say it's ok. And even so...

You were not rude at all. Your home your rules!

Cream carpets? - just why really? That is all

And yes - gets furnishings that are fit for purpose

Rinkydinky that is a very very patronising reply and I think you'll find that the OP has got children if you read her opening post.

I too would be furious as someone who has recently had new carpets put in after 20 years of hideous old ones. Most people would totally understand in the circumstances.

I really feel for you though as a hard situation.

I cannot believe people are saying YABU. Its your house. I have wooden floors and I still wouldn't let a child in with their wellies on. She made the decision to leave. That's her bad, not yours.

Op isn't the one giving up a 20 year friendship over a carpet. The other one thought their friendship gave her the right to tramp through a cream carpeted house in mucky boots

You are not unreasonable. I think your friend must have something else going on and has taken it out on you

Just re-reading your thread title, it seems so over the top!

She's bonkers. Ffs it's horrendous outside. no none in the or right kimd would let their kid trample over carpet in soaking filthy wellies.

Bloody rude bint

She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed,

She's obviously having a difficult time, which are far more important than how much your carpet cost.

Maybe there are other issues at play with her little boy?

I live in a flat with wooden floors and am strictly shoes OFF. I would have no problems conforming to such a request from others although I gather I may be in the minority.

I can't imagine getting a cream carpet with two kids in the house. But that's neither here nor there. Presumably you'll be asking your own kids to take their shoes off indoors so you weren't asking friends child to do anything you won't be doing yourself.

Cream carpets?!! That's just not practical, whether you have kids or not. YABU. I reckon you're going to lose more friends if you insist on this palaver every time somebody comes to visit. You'll have a pristine cream carpets and no friends.

YANBU , I am going to be very strict when I get new carpet

Your house , your rules , her house , her rules

I would be mighty pissed off her criticising me as well , she should understand its new and you want to keep it looking nice

I am generally firmly in the keep shoes on camp but not muddy wellies.

But you are crazy to have cream carpets.

When will people start choosing flooring that can actually be walked on?

Oh, I was your friend once (though not so aggressive about it - I would have certainly done as you asked, even if it meant wrestling ds to the ground.) I have two muddy active boys, however, and my bf had a new house and chose very pale off white carpet.

We did/do go to see her occasionally and take off all shoes as she asks, but it is clear that we have very different lifestyles so our visits are short and neat, and our friendship has cooled off considerably. IME once you have children, you have to rethink friendships. People you were very close to can have very different styles of parenting and vice versa. I try not to get into a blame game, but just try to spend more time with people who we can relax with and do things our way, and let those who want to live differently do the same.

She sounds jealous.

Nobody is allowed in my home without taking their shoes off and I don't have new cream carpet.

YANBU

Cream carpets are gorgeous though and not that hard to keep relatively clean as long as everyone removes their shoes and they don't wander around the place with cups of ribena red wine.

There's a keep shoes on camp?!

Yanbu. Who goes round to someone's house and expects their toddler to wear their dirty wellies round the house?

However, if she's normally lovely then it's probably fair to say she possibly has something else going on that has made her go a bit loopy. Probably toddler related. Mine at 3yo were hard work.

God, I hate hate hate 'your house your rules'.

What about being a nice and welcoming host?

But still, small child should take wellies off.

I do wonder though as others have said if your friend has something else going on?

'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

That comment would really piss me off.

However ending a long friendship over a carpet doesnt to me make much sense.