To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

[Mammanat222]

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

Not Daily Mail - Mumsnet

I would say society is not improved by nambypampy parenting expecting your child to run amok everywhere.

(Parent of three +two dogs and cream carpets)

Yep. I'm taking a wild guess here that the op's friend belongs to the namby pamby school of parenting.

I would guess that some posters here belong to the smug school of parenting, possibly because they have never had a challenging child.

A friend turns up, having hard time, stressed with a difficult 3 year old boy...she wants to pop in. and is stopped by you being prissy at the door, the last thing on her mind is your carpets and the new life changes involved in keeping them pristine.

AMouse, she wasn't stopped, was she? She was welcomed in. All that the OP asked was that she take a minute to remove her child's muddy wellies, something that she should have volunteered to do anyway. The only person that stopped friend going in was the friend.

Amen to that, Fanjo.

Mnetters just love a thread to slag off some poor buggers parenting.

Well depends what you mean by a challenging child?

Would you really think it was ok to allow your kid to walk muddy wellies into another persons carpet? Really?

I freely admit my older dss were as naughty as fuck but at the end of the day you do have to bloody set the rules and they have to obey.

Working in a school for a whole you do get sick of the parents who say things like but he won't walk for me as they are in awe that their kid has managed to walk a few miles On a school trip.

Well fucking make him then!

Discounting all special needs and sensory issues incase they are trotted out.

Aermingers so now the OP is meant to put the child on her worktop and put his dirty wellies in her sink and spend time rinsing them off rather than have the mother simply pop them off?

Come on usual and Fanjo have read posts by both of you slagging off other parents. Have you suddenly seen the light?

I would guess that some posters here belong to the smug school of parenting, possibly because they have never had a challenging child.

Or you could read the thread. Lots of people have said they do or did have a challenging child, but that nonetheless there are some things they wouldn't expect a friend to put up with and one is muddy shoes all over their house.

I hate this "oh you've never had a difficult child, oh it's so easy to be perfect" silly playground argument. Yes I have had a challenging child, very challenging, and I know other people who have had even more challenging ones but guess what, still don't think the world should revolve around their child's whims. Yes even children with SN.

Good grief, Mouse, that's some drama you've worked out on the basis of no evidence at all. In your mind friend turned up on her knees with exhaustion, begging and pleading to be let in, only to be spurned by OP who of course wasn't heavily pregnant and in major pain and turned friend away rather than risk a speck of mud on her carpets. Only that isn't what happened. OP welcomed friend, was happy for her to come in but made a reasonable request that her son remove his mucky boots, friend refused even to try. It's been explained several times that keeping son in the kitchen wasn't an option, and wiping his boots wouldn't have worked. You have then decided that, despite refusing to contemplate taking child's boots off, friend would have been happy to wrestle him under the kitchen tap and rinse off the boots there - although friend never so much as suggested that as a possibility.

If friend came on here and complained about how unreasonable her heavily pregnant friend who is in constant serious pain had been in asking her to take her child's muddy boots off before coming into the house, would you seriously have supported her quite so passionately?

MuddyWellieCarpetSlaggingOfDaftParentingGate

He didn't get any mud on the special cream carpet,because the OPs friend left.

By the end of this thread the wellie wearing child will have caused world war 3.

I wasn't targeting anyone in particular.

Just a bit sick of all the frenzied judging and slagging off of parents that goes on on MN. Especially of struggling parents.

Seems I hit some raw nerves accidentally though

Well quite icimoi

I hope the OPs mate never comes on MN for parenting advice.

I don't think being called a prick etc or a crap parent would help her much.

Smugsnet.

I must admit to being frankly unhinged about my carpets when they were new though.

If anyone had got mud on them it would have been WW3.

It's just that it's not black and white. Thinking that a parent is pandering ridiculously to their child does not make you smug, it does not mean you think you're perfect, it does not mean you've never experienced difficulty, why would it? It just means you have a view on the situation.

If you've "touched a nerve" , OK the reason I really hate that stance is that it stifles a reasonable discussion. It's like you're saying you dictate who gets to have an opinion. But someone who refuses to control their child is someone who refuses to control their child, they aren't that much of a rarity, I've met loads and no they aren't all struggling with children with SN, or even particularly challenging children. If they're allowed to do it, I'm allowed to think it's a bit crap.

OP, I think this could be a bit of a lucky escape for you actually. Whatever happens between you and your friend, it may well mean that you don't have to tolerate her bratty kid any more.
If you feel you want to continue the friendship, then maybe you could meet as adults every so often without the children.
Personally, I think she sounds like very hard work, and I would be happy to let this particular friendship go, but if you feel you would still like to see her, than this could be the way to go.

I hope the OPs mate never comes on Mumsnet for parenting advice
Think it'd be a good idea actually. What this women needs more than anything is a reality check. She is delusional. Just wait until her son starts school. His behaviour won't be tolerated or pandered to there.
She's not going to know what's hit her.

The risk with friendships is that sometimes people let you down. Seeing as the OP described her friend as 'normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character' I think it would be a bit silly to chuck her over this before even having a calm discussion a couple of weeks down the road.

Some people give such teenage advice.

I think OP should get her friend on the Jeremy Kyle show, to give her a proper public kicking!

I suspect many posters would watch.

Haven't RTFT but agree your friend was V unreasonable, OP.
I've just had a whinge on here today about my dumb DH not keeping the spewing cat in the kitchen so she's thrown up in my lovely (cream) lounge carpet.
I appreciate houses never stay pristine with kids and pets but feel miffed that the smartest room in the house is now spoiled by a very obvious mark on the carpet!!