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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pay for my daughters diet?

145 replies

mytalentedv · 23/11/2014 10:05

She is 26, and wants to get married next year. Money is very tight for them.

She wants to try a diet that replaces meals with counselling but she can't afford it. I have offered to pay this. I think this will help her focus. However my husband has been tutting and complaining about it.

Aibu? (It's £45 p/w)

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 23/11/2014 10:07

If you can afford it then why not.

I think it's a lovely thing to do for your dd. The only thing I would say though is look into it all first to make sure it's not a con.

or maybe you can both do a class or go to gym together instead.

simbacatlivesagain · 23/11/2014 10:11

No you are not being unreasonable- do it. You might be saving her life in the long term.

I had a very selfish and self-centered colleague (imagine working with a toddler all day) - she did an expensive but effective diet with her daughter (they both did it). She lost a lot of weight (she was overweight but not obese to begin with) and told us her daughter had lost several stone. Her daughter had to stop as she couldnt afford it-I asked why she didnt pay- and she said she could only afford it (probably not true as as she was a high earner) at the time I thought nothing of it.

Then I met her daughter who was 20 and morbidly obsese- I was so upset as I couldnt see how a mother could not pay for her daughter (so if she could only afford 1 then why wouldnt she have paid for her daughter?)

Just do it

SavoyCabbage · 23/11/2014 10:11

What do you mean replaces meals for counselling?

Yanbu if you can afford it and it's a viable solution rather than a fad thing.

paxtecum · 23/11/2014 10:11

But you don't loose weight by missing meals.
You loose weight by eating small meals 3 or 4 times a day.

Have you more information about it?

avocadotoast · 23/11/2014 10:11

£45 a week?! I'd be dubious of any kind of "diet" that costs that much.

But if you can afford it, why not. It's your money, do what you want with it!

ApocalypseThen · 23/11/2014 10:13

Just make sure there are no additional hidden costs. Some of these places are really only pushing their own brand meal bars and stuff like that.

gobbynorthernbird · 23/11/2014 10:14

For £45 a week, I'd get my DD a proper course of counselling/CBT to address any emotional issues around food. Then possibly some personal training sessions once they were dealt with.

bakingtins · 23/11/2014 10:15

I think offering to help her is lovely. £45/week sounds exorbitant. Has she tried something more mainstream like SW or WW? Could you go together to give her some moral support? That would be more like £10 a week for the pair of you - maybe you could also offer to shop together for some healthy foods? It is more expensive to eat well than to eat processed rubbish.

MokunMokun · 23/11/2014 10:15

Why not pay for gym membership or slimming world? Something a bit healthier that she can do long term rather than a fad diet.

MarshaBrady · 23/11/2014 10:16

How does it work?

Whatevertheweather · 23/11/2014 10:16

mytalentedvi at 45pw I guess you're looking at Cambridge or LighterLife. Have a look online at slim and save. It works on the same principle but no weekly counselling and so is a lot cheaper. There is a very active Fb support group which is brilliant. I have been doing it since June and have lost 5st 4lbs so far and gone from a size 22 to a size 12/14. Lots of people on the group are at maintenance stage and keeping the weight off which is a big worry with vlcd's.

What a lovely supportive mum you are Smile

TywysogesGymraeg · 23/11/2014 10:17

replaces meals with counselling??

Original poster
mytalentedv · 23/11/2014 10:18

Gym membership isn't practical. She has two 2 year olds!

She did weight watchers before and lost 3 stone. However, doing weight watchers won't get the weight off in time for the wedding, and plus we have talked about it and she feels it will be effective (meal replacement diet) rather than cutting back and so on. I can understand that to be honest.

Plus, while exercise is great I personally don't find it helps me actually lose weight but it helps me to maintain a healthy weight if I do eat too much.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 23/11/2014 10:18

why not just teach her about proper eating and exercise, if she didn't listen at school? If it is a mental health problem, sugary milkshakes won't solve that. You can eat decent food for £45 a week and if she has a front door and can walk, she can exercise.

these ghastly fad diets never work, she'll learn nothing and just get fat again.

Mammanat222 · 23/11/2014 10:21

Replacing food with counselling is very dodgy.

You don't need to replace food to lose weight, you need to completely overhaul your life style and food choices.

Yes there are quick fixes / fads that will allow you daughter to lose a significant amount of weight but unless she does it the sensible way (IE gradually and with counselling alongside a healthy eating plan if need be) then she'll end up eventually putting all the weight back on.

I think something like WW or SW is the way to go, and maybe pay for her to join a gym?

Whatevertheweather · 23/11/2014 10:22

They can and do work. If you have a lot of weight to lose they are a very effective way of doing it. NHS now advocates them as well. Like every diet, sw and ww included, if you go back to eating the way you did before of course you will put the weight back on. For me it's been a total education and on the one I'm doing you have 3 packs a day plus a low carb meal and it does teach you to eat differently and how small changes can make a big difference to your calorie intake

Mammanat222 · 23/11/2014 10:23

Just read your latest post.

Hmmm, sounds like a lot of excuses to me - cannot do the gym / doesn't have time before the wedding to do SW?

By all means pay for her to have a quick fix (and of course she deserves to feel and look great on her wedding day) BUT also be prepared for this to be a short term solution and effectively - in the long term - a waste of money.

paxtecum · 23/11/2014 10:25

Meal replacements are crap and not the long term answer to loosing weight.
Your DD may end up bigger than she is now once she starts eating 'normally' after loosing all the weight.

I have a friend whose weight yoyoed for years with meal replacement diets. Each time she ended up bigger than before.

Gileswithachainsaw · 23/11/2014 10:26

Can't your dh babysit the kids?

Original poster
mytalentedv · 23/11/2014 10:27

Of course they aren't excuses. She is 17 and a half stone - she won't be able to lose that in the timeframe she wants for the wedding.

As for the gym as I have said, it probably wouldn't make much difference to actual weight loss and it's unlikely she'd be able to go much anyway - she has twin toddlers and works full time. I'm not sure that's making excuses personally.

How rude and patronising special. She is 26, of course she knows about proper eating but is finding it very difficult after a difficult few years.

OP posts:
Timeforabiscuit · 23/11/2014 10:28

Special subject - its the counselling which will help!

Op daughter has lost weight on diet programmes! Its not like she doesn't know how to eat properly - but counselling will help unpackage her triggers for overeating.

A friend of mine had a horrific secret binge eating problem, she worked irregular shifts in a very stressful environment (NHS) - didn't matter how many healthy meals she prepared when she got stressed she would eat the first sugary thing she saw, and just keep going.

Op it sounds like a fantastic thing your doing, but I'd talk it through with your daughter, maybe the counselling aspect would help more than the shakes?

Original poster
mytalentedv · 23/11/2014 10:28

Giles - no. We don't live locally enough.

I think after working all day she wants to see her babies in any case and I don't blame her. Especially as, as I said above, exercise doesn't seem to make a huge amount of difference to weight loss especially given she obviously isn't very fit at the moment.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 23/11/2014 10:29

This sounds like a terrible idea to me.

You can't just replace meals with counselling. Surely she has to eat something? And if it means they provide those silly shakes or pouches of powdered whatever and call it food then they can't be worth it. I have a colleague on this and she has a 300 calorie milkshake for lunch every day. My lunch of tuna salad and fruit comes in at a lot less than 300 calories and is actually tasty and satisfying and doesn't leave me feeling like I haven't had anything to eat and craving food.

If she has COE then counselling could help her achieve a healthy relationship with food and develop a sustainable weight loss diet. But these celebrity style fad diets (and this one sounds especially bad) are dodgy quick fixes that more often than not lead to mood swings and binge eating anyway.

bakingtins · 23/11/2014 10:30

As soon as you stop shelling out £45/wk she will pile it all back on, having learned nothing about healthy eating. In a year you could lose 50-100lb on a 'sensible' diet. I have a 6m old baby and I am doing 5 gym sessions a week (3 I take her with me which I accept wouldn't work with a 2 yr old unless they have a crèche, 2 evenings my DH has her)
She's coming up with excuses why only the 'magic' diet will work. There is no magic.

Original poster
mytalentedv · 23/11/2014 10:33

She is an adult - people do realise this? :)

I'm not doing it to teach her a lesson Confused Nor am I doing it because she missed out on some vital teaching at school (?) or because she doesn't understand how to make a tuna salad (??)

She has twins. Their childcare and saving for a wedding costs a lot of money and so they're short. I'm helping them out.

She is a professionally educated woman, intelligent and attractive - but has gained much weight recently and wants to get it off.

OP posts: