To pay for my daughters diet?

[mytalentedv]

She is 26, and wants to get married next year. Money is very tight for them.

She wants to try a diet that replaces meals with counselling but she can't afford it. I have offered to pay this. I think this will help her focus. However my husband has been tutting and complaining about it.

Aibu? (It's £45 p/w)

I was 21 when I lost 5 stone with Cambridge and I can assure you I have no loose skin whatsoever.

She's 26, the OP said, not 66!

You only have experience of what happened to you. Some of us have wider experience. If you don't believe that the majority of obese people need to change the way they use food then speak to a dietician, or an endocrinologist, or someone who works for a bariatric service.

Ditto re loose skin.

Sorry- I don't buy that the majority of those that are heavily over weight are just greedy. To become 17 stone you have more that that going on. Be it depression or an eating disorder or low self esteem or whatever. Those that are truly happy do not deviate from the normal weight range to such an extent. Being plump is one thing, clinically obese quite another.

So many 'experts' on here. As makemine says, you only have your personal experience unless you're in the field.

I did LL Feb '12 till Aug '12, when I started the maintenance part of the programme - the gradual reintroduction of food.

I lost 6st and remain stable. I still periodically attend the counselling sessions.

I found in the beginning the absentence from food a relief and the support from the counselling sessions was what made the programme work for me.

I think if you have never had an eating problem or significant amount of weight to loose, then it is very easy to dismiss those that do with a simple 'eat less, move more/go to the gym' advice.

The reasons we gain weight are not merely greed or poor diet. I will always be a disordered eater. I will always have to watch what I eat. Things do get better. I can cope.

Let's use an analogy...

If someone is addicted to alcohol, "just be sensible, and cut back, and use moderation" doesn't work. Almost always they have to stop completely.

If someone is addicted to drugs, it's almost always the same.

But when someone's addiction is to food, people just mutter about self restraint.

Frankly, for a lot of people with obesity (and especially morbid obesity) it really is that hard. And that complicated.

Imagine a recovering alcoholic who had to drink some alcohol every day. Odds of success?!

I'm actually not to keen on the major fad diets...but this one would at least let the dieter think of the replacement food as medicine, and thus have more chance of sticking to it, whilst using the counselling to try to get their head in the best possible place to maintain weight afterwards. It works for some people. And can get your weight down enough to actually feel remotely able to exercise.

But you can't live without food

You have to find a way to balance things.

Havnt clinical studies been proven that meal replacement diets are good for morbidly obese people to loose weight quickly as their weight is a danger to their health. There was a programme on tv (can't remember the name) a little while ago (clinical style). That showed meal replacement were good for quickly reducing weight of morbidly obese.

If you can afford it I would give it a go but it would be on the condition she sticks to it.

You've obviously already decided you're not unreasonable but if she put her mind to it she could lose a fair amount of weight on either WW or SW and still eat food. Encouraging her to live off milkshakes is going to help her in the long term.

I think it depends what she feels will work for her. I am probably a stone lighter, and not huge, a size 16 that exercises and doesn't eat enough
Too simplistic to say weight gain is caused by too much food. Also mention of bariatric? I definitely don't need a bariatric transport at my weight! Depends on height but I think people hear 16/17 stone and assume we are all shuffling around with massive rolls of fat

I think yanbu and can see why she wants to pose weight for the photos. She also has a huge amount to lose and 2lb a week diets won't really do that.

My understanding is that there is no evidence food is physically addictive like (some) drugs and alcohol so that's probably bit a good analogy. Like all behaviours, some people will be exhibiting physiological trauma and some won't, there is no way to know in this ladies case.

bakingtins

Having one baby is a world away from having two. You don't know you're born with only one, very easy to exercise and eat well.

I now have a very nearly 2 yr old and a 7month old and i find it nearly impossible to eat well. There is no way on God's earth I could do 5 gym sessions a week. After spending all day with two exhausting children, I bath them both and literally collapse exhausted onto the sofa. Plus i still have birth damage from both births. It's as much as I can do to make a piece of toast most days.

You have no idea

OP I think that's a really nice thing of you to do for your daughter. She has my sympathy, I've also had a rough couple of years.

Bariatric surgery has a far greater success rate than any diet doesn't it? It might be worth calculating whether there is much price difference at £200 a month for x months vs surgery

I think it's lovely for you to be doing this for your daughter. I can only speak of my experience but used NutriSystem here in the US to lose my first two stone. I knew from the beginning this was not a long term solution for losing weight but the initial loss gave me a hell of a jump start. I have since transitioned over to using MyFitnessPal (wonderful free app). I go to the gym 5 times a week for 50 minutes to improve my fitness and tone my body.

If you can afford to do this for her, YANBU.

if this is cwp, or simular tell her not to bother. I did this after piling weight on after kids, I lost half my hair and went stupidly haggered and thin and as soon as you stop the diet you pile it back on.do it the hard way in my opinion or she will have gallstones and ve wearing acwig for gef wedding

Glad to see so many posters on this thread have managed to slim down into their judgy knickers so nicely. Perfect fit.

Ffs the OPs daughter can get married if she wants. When she wants.
She wants to shed a few pounds.
She is not alone in this.

Ok so she may put it back on. She may not.
Yes exercise is a good thing. Healthy eating is a good thing. But sometumes you need to lose some weight to feel like exercise.

(And I excercise a lot, mostly avoid sugar and starchy carbs but each to their own!!)

And the diet has counselling-presumably to see if there are underlying issues.

Good luck to OPs DD. I hope she has a lovely wedding and a happy marriage and I am sure she will look fabulous on the day whatever.

Women. Each others worst enemies when it comes to body issues.

I lost 3 stone before my wedding. I walked for 45 mins a day either before or after work. It was over winter too. Tell her to stick on a fluorescent jacket and get pounding the streets even just for 30 mins a day would make a big difference. I did it with a friend so there was no excuse not to. She needs to exercise in combination with diet to get her metabolic rate up to burn more calories and she will tone up too.

Fairy I have 3 children. I do three short gym sessions a week with baby in tow while the older two are at school, one circuits class in the evening when they are all in bed, bootcamp on Saturday morning when DH has them for an hour. I walk miles with the buggy every day. I cook healthy meals for all of us every single day. So I appreciate both that it's difficult to fit round a family, but also that it's do-able if you make it a priority.

so if she could only afford 1 then why wouldnt she have paid for her daughter?

Because her daughter is an adult and can make her own choices.

In any case, if you can afford it, than do it. It will be a nice gift to her, and she'll remember the thought.

Personally, I'd work more on the underlying problems. If she's depressed and gaining weight because of that, then I'd work on fixing that so it's easier to form new habits instead of comfort eating.