To pay for my daughters diet?

[mytalentedv]

She is 26, and wants to get married next year. Money is very tight for them.

She wants to try a diet that replaces meals with counselling but she can't afford it. I have offered to pay this. I think this will help her focus. However my husband has been tutting and complaining about it.

Aibu? (It's £45 p/w)

OP - sorry but I think YABU - you are helping your DD buy into the crap lie that there's such thing as a magic fix to her weight, long term this is going ot be worse for her health than paying for a personal trainer and childminder so she can work out.

Diets like this do work for the 'event' but that's just one day, I promise you a year from now she'll be worse off than she would be if she didn't do it. And long term, what is more important to you as a mother, than your DD looks good in her wedding photos but has terrible health, or learns healthy eating habits?

That you are even considering this suggests you care about her, but that you don't know how to help her.

Forget the wedding, her DP has asked her to marry her as she looks now, all the guests know how big she is now. There is no reason to be thin for the wedding if she's not going to learn how to be thin for the rest of her life. Focus on getting her in shape long term.

£45 per week would pay for a morning of childcare so she could go running/swimming. Or for a couple of sessions a week in the evening with a personal trainer (and you could come over to babysit?) or even pick a personal trainer who'll come to the house in the evening when the DCs are in bed, lots do. Or it could pay for some sessions of counselling if she has overeating problems, or pay for some sessions with a real dietian (one who's been to uni, not someone who's just been on a couple of week course!) who can help her learn about healthy eating if she doesn't know. Anything that doesn't involve her having self control but someone else doing it for her will just make the matter worse in the long run.

Forget the 'looking good for the wedding photos' (I hardly ever look at mine!), think about 'long term health'.

Why did you even come on here Op?! You don't think you are being unreasonable so why even bother asking. And tbh, it does sound as if your dd is coming up with a list of excuses as long as your arm!

oh and if she has little ones, look up 'buggy fitness classes' in your area, fitness classes usually held in local parks with DCs in the buggy, using the buggy to help you work out, it can be a lot of fun (although when they can talk, you do sometimes get "go faster mummy!" mini-coaches!)

I give up!

Pink - because I was annoyed at DH telling me I shouldn't fork out £44 a week.

Instead everyone fixated on slimming world and gyms.

£45 could fund much more helpful and sustainable weight loss solutions, as someone already said

surely there is loose skin when people lose such a massive amount so quickly without exercise? surely the discipline required to live on meal replacements could be funneled into eating 1600 cals of nice food every day - she would still lose lots of weight, especially the first couple of months

anyway nobody is going to care at all if her dress is a size 16 or a 6 or whatever

I predict, in a year, the only thing that is lighter is your bank account, to the tune of about a thousand pounds. Your daughter will probably be worse off because now she eats unhealthily, doesn't exercise and her metabolism is screwed.
Nobody is slagging you off, you want to help and that is lovely of you.

I think if you and your daughter understand the limitations of what this sort of diet is, (sounds like Lighter Life) and what some of the unwanted side affects can be (smelly breath, for example), very high re-put on rate that doesn't help somebody suffering with existing poor body issues then at least it's going into it with full knowledge.

It's a very clever marketing campaign and it WILL deliver the results but there is ABSOLUTELY no room to introduce any of the poor eating habits during the programme. Once you stop the programme, if you introduce those bad habits again it's very likely that the weight will go back on (and how!) and that losing weight again will take time as the metabolism stabilises.

If I were going to do what your daughter wants to do, this is what I'd do and in the order I'd do it:

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1. Work out my priorities, ie. - fit in my dress and play with my children.

1. Confirm in my head what I will have to give up - eating food with the family - or at any other time - in the normal way.

1. Realise that I'd have to find time to exercise and tone my body because with that dramatic weight loss, I'd have loose skin. At 26 I'd be able to 'snap back' BUT it comes at a cost so, like it or not, fit or not, I'd have to look at something like Jillian Michaels' very effective DVDs. That's half an hour a day, no messing, amusing and easy exercise it is NOT.

1. Accept that counselling is NOT optional, not even for my childrens' 'wants'. Their needs their father will have to take care of. For me to succeed, I'd have to be prepared to take a step back and not use the children as an excuse at ANY point.

1. Coming to terms with my weight loss... like giving up smoking, the brain plays 'tricks'. When the body senses 'starvation' or something akin to drastically different eating habits, it releases 'cravings' (whatever chemicals those are) to encourage eating. I'd have to be prepared to FOLLOW THE PLAN COME WHAT MAY, there is no OUT, only a definite fail. That's why the counselling is so important.

1. Telling my family and getting their buy-in - this is important because I wouldn't be eating normally anymore, not for the duration.

1. EXIT Strategy. The plan isn't for life. I would reach a crossroads at the end of it. What would I do? It's all well and good to say that I would switch straight to healthy eating and step up my exercise as I get fitter. The reality, from this plan, is that I would switch to my old habits - either immediately or by degrees. The net result would be terrible.

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Particularly for the long term, OP, when your daughter has the nice photos, what does she want then? What is she prepared to do for up-keep?

I know that you're prepared to do whatever it takes to make her happy but I think you need to consider also 1) you can't do it for her, and 2) it will possibly break your heart if whatever caused the weight to pile on in such a short time hasn't specifically been addressed. Putting on weight very fast can put even more pressure on organs and joints than gaining it slowly and steadily.

Make no mistake, your daughter is under significant pressure as the wedding has been paid for. It would be a very good idea, if you can afford it, for she and/or you to see if you can find a specialist in the field to just talk to, without judgement, but letting you know the pitfalls as well as the highlights.

You will need support yourself, OP - I think you should have a good chat with your husband to see what his worries and fears are. You need to be united in your decision and at peace with it.

Good luck and best wishes, OP, you sound lovely.

I'm fine with this as well, as long as the meal replacements are properly regulated and not just some crap off the internet, and she uses them properly as instructed.
However I would also recommend she does some exercise as well. If she can't get to the gym then she should buy a set of weights and start working out at home. This will help her look better and be healthier (and look great in her wedding dress). She could also do things like taking her kids for long walks in their buggy.
And after her wedding will be the time to learn about eating properly, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

There is a common misconception about meal replacements not teaching you how to eat healthily or transition into healthy eating afterwards and portion control. It is not the case. There are several stages to these programmes. Love them or hate them, you go from meal replacements to meal replacements and one meal, meal replacement and 2 meals, to 3 portion controlled meals and 2 healthy snacks a day. If people choose not to do that, fine, but its not the programmes fault...

As i understand it meal.replacements are healthy. They also give you ideas for how you could make these kind of meals yourself.

IF I love her?

Who do you think you are?

I don't think these diets are particular good for the health. They certainly don't work in the long term. If money is tight it isn't really wise to spend money on a flashy wedding and diet schemes.

An empty, thoughtless gas-bag, OP. That's who somebody who says something like that is.

There's a diet board on this site, I think there's a poster there who does low-carbing with good results - also another one who does 5:2. Those are other option.

Yanbu to want to help her out.

Does she refuse to do workout DVDs at home? Wondering as I completely understand not being able to get to the gym (27, 2 under 3 & due my third next month) so i do workout DVDs at home, in the evening after the dc go to bed...is that not an option for her?

Exercise & whatever diet she decides to follow should help her short term, but with 2 2yr olds I'd worry they'll start to pick up on her meal replacement options & unhealthy lifestyle (assuming she doesn't have an active hobbies/exercise atm).

It's fab out atm for taking kids to the park to splash in mud/puddles & show them leaves, any local parks, woods or walks they can do on a weekend as a family? Won't feel like exercise chasing 2 of them!

I'd do it without question if I could afford it, and my daughter needed it.

But, they work by giving you provided meals so you don't encounter other foods. There is no temptation. Your daughter won't get that, because she'll need to feed the two year olds. Their food will become very tempting and it'd be easy to sneak a few leftovers.

I'd be worried that it wouldn't work in her set up and she'd be very disappointed. 7 stone before spring is a big ask, it's only four months until March and there is Christmas to come.

So I'm guessing this is something like Cambridge diet or Lighterlife.

They can work, but I know of very very few people, who've been able to keep the weight off when doing this diet.

If I had stacks to lose I'd be tempted to lose a few stone with one of these two, and then switch to SW to learn good eating habits as well as shedding more weight.

Depending on WHEN next year she's getting married, that could be a very feasible plan.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

As long as she looks at it as a 'diet for the day' (her wedding day) and accepts that she'll probably gain all the weight back again, I don't see the problem.

After the wedding, she needs to look into changing her lifestyle and everyday diet and exercise routine...so that she doesn't spend the rest of her life doing crash diets for special occasions.

But as a one off, I think its fine.

I do the Harcombe Diet which is not dissimilar to SW in some ways. I follow a high fat version. I think a low carb diet - if you do a very low carb version and stick to it - could see some weight come off fairly quickly and still allow your DD to eat real food that will fit in with family life.

There are also people using it for maintenance after VLCD so it's possible to do that and keep the weight off. However they all say they wish they'd lost the weight using THD as it's a lot more enjoyable as a way of life.

I lost 5 stone (took 10 months - been maintaining for about 6m now) without any exercise. I'm a bit wobbly and could definitely do with a bit of toning but feel fine in well fitted clothes.

Good luck to your DD.

Meal replacement diets work and if you do the refeed and don't go back to your old eating habits after then the weight will stay off.
I've done them myself. The weight comes off quickly which is hugely motivating.
If you can afford it then it's very nice for you to pay for it.

I think if you can afford it then go for it, I did lighter life at 22 and lost 8 stone, 4 years ago and have kept it off. It does work long term as long as she doesn't eat the same way as she did before, the maintenance plan is brilliant for reintroducing foods including carbs! Personally I try and stay low carb during the week and then relax at weekends. some people will always try to write it off because of how drastic it is, but that works for some people who have an all or nothing approach. I think it's a lovely wedding present

Just because the OPs daughter has weight to lose or has children, does not mean she is not entitled to have the wedding when/how she wants. I can understand why she wants to lose some weight for her wedding too.

From my experience of VLCD, I felt fatigued, nauseous and had bad breath. After 3 weeks I decided to stop as I felt horrendous and looked it too. I know that many people do it successfully but having tried one myself, I would never advise anyone else to do one especially anyone in my family. What about getting a personal trainer? They could do one hardcore session a week plus write meal plans etc.

There is a really good lo carb section to mumsnet, very supportive and suggesting ways to alter diet that could give rise to a healthier way of eating in the long term. My daughter is only 2, so I can't talk, but I can imagine that it could be rather lovely to support her in something like this. And £45 pw would buy a lot of steak and salad and raspberries.

Some silly posts on here. I did Cambridge 11 years ago when I was 21. I lost 5 stone and I have never regained it.

As pointed out other diets have equally high regaining rates.

I felt very healthy on a VLCD. My skin was great and I had loads of energy. My only side affect was insomnia.