To pay for my daughters diet?

[mytalentedv]

She is 26, and wants to get married next year. Money is very tight for them.

She wants to try a diet that replaces meals with counselling but she can't afford it. I have offered to pay this. I think this will help her focus. However my husband has been tutting and complaining about it.

Aibu? (It's £45 p/w)

Because it's booked, organised and paid for.

It a meal replacement diet

• counselling.

I don't think £45 a week for meal replacement is exorbitant. It does, in fact, include all your food and many overweight people got that way spending more than £45 a week on things like takeaways, normal food in the supermarket but too much of it, alcohol and nights in the pub, calorie filled drinks from coffee houses, etc which all adds up. If £45 a week includes all the "food" she needs to do the diet, its not that expensive and includes the support that goes with it.

I wouldn't think too much about whether its a "quick fix" or will help her in the long run or not - she might use the sudden and effective weight loss as motivation to maintain a healthier weight and lifestyle afterwards, or she might go on honeymoon and pile half of it back on. Who knows - like you say, she is a grown up and can decide for herself - as long as you aren't terribly bothered about what she does with it in terms of funding it and have no particular expectations (an "anything is a bonus" type attitude)

In terms of not wanting to get married at 17 stone - I know its all about the marriage and not the wedding, but if there is an opportunity to have a nice quick slim down to achieve a look she will be happy with then I don't see the problem with that either. Just do it.

Can I ask what programme it is?

Also at 18 stone I didn't feel much like going to gym, too embarrassed! At 12.8 I am now looking into joining a swimming club and taking tennis up again. Yes you have to make changes to maintain the weight loss - but some of those changes are much easier to make once you've lost the bulk of it

When in the spring is her wedding? She's got a good amount of time to drop some weight going a more conventional method like Weightwatchers. I've lost 1.5 stone on the last three weeks with WW. As your daughter has a lot to lose it will drop off easy at first if she sticks to her daily points rigidly. It's a much healthier, more sustainable method than a faddy very low calorie diet.

Considering most accredited counsellors charge between 30 and 50 a session (if not more) is be wondering about how qualified the 'counsellor' was. Anyone can call themselves a counsellor, sadly it's not a protected title.

I get where you are coming from OP.
It is not what I would choose as a way to lose weight but if she thinks she can commit to it and benefit from the counselling and you can afford it then why not.

Cancelling the wedding? Seriously? at the end of the day she may lose weight she may not but it is only weight presumably her fiancee loves her as she is. And with a young family there are other reasons to get married.

And it is very difficult to get to the gym with twins and work. (I know.) But a session of exercise even if it is just walking in the lunch hour is worth it not for weightloss but for fitness, MH, self esteem and stress relief (toddler twins FT job)

You know your daughter best and I presume you've both done your research on this diet.

I think it's a shame you're getting slated for trying to be a supportive mum. It's not an ideal way to lose weight, and I personally wouldn't do it, but if in her circumstances it gives her a kickstart and she feels happier and more confident for it then why not?

FWIW GI diet/Hairy Bikers cook books are great for the slow and steady phase

The fact is that 92% of dieters go on to put the weight back on regardless of method, and within these stats there will be some better than others in terms of how rapidly weight goes back on and whether or not it goes back on.

It really is down to the do-er, there are people I know who have maintained massive weight losses they achieved on Cambridge (a bloke called Mike Scott springs to mind, it must be 10 years now and he's still not put it back on, I know him in real life, and he courts the media a bit so I think he's google-able) and there are hoards of people who have done slimming world and piled it back on, others who swing around losing and gaining the same stone - and plenty more who do the same on Cambridge.

The fact is dieting is a bit of a minefield but the reason this has come up for you is the wedding so focus on that instead of all the other stuff which will exist regardless. Obviously if you are paying and she is cheating on it that's a different ballgame but if she just does it with the focus of the wedding in mind you might find that she is compelled to maintain it. She probably hasn't really lost her baby weight and this is an opportunity for a clean slate, and contrary to popular belief it CAN be maintained if she really wants to.

Yanbu, if she is committed to this programme and the only thing stopping her is the money, you are doing a lovely thing for her. Good luck to her, I hope she loses lots of weight and has a great wedding.

However she chooses to lose the weight (and the people I know who have done similar diets were miserable while doing it and are heavier then before they started) she probably should exercise. She will look much better in a wedding dress with 6 months exercise behind her (think upper arms etc). How about exercise DVDs?

She may put the weight back on or she may not.

The point is that having put it on with ww why are people saying 'bad meal replacements, do ww instead'?

I can understand your daughter is fixated on the wedding and how she will look in the photos. I think you need to take the long view.

It's not called the diet industry for nothing. They are all there to get your money off you. Yes, she will lose weight, and be a bit slimmer for the wedding, then she'll put it all back on again after. Probably.

But, she's an adult. It's your money. So the fact that a load of people on a thread think it's a bad idea is irrelevant, really. If you think this is a good way to support your daughter, do it.

Because meal replacements aren't healthy. It's one thing to lose weight but she needs nutrition, she needs energy. My dad lost a ton of weigh on Atkins but he was snappy and difficult while he was on it. He was like a different person.

Your daughter needs to take care of herself.

Yes she is trying. Losing weight is part of that :)

Because you can't live on meal replacements for the rest of your life- at some point you have to start eating normal food again. WW or SW helps you to focus on making the right food choices so that it becomes a way of eating for life, not just whilst you lose weight.

Who says they aren't healthy? The packs contain 100% of your recommended daily vitamins and nutrients. I know I'm a small sample but I've not had any change in mood - in fact if anything I'm much bloody happier not feeling like a fat lardy arse all the time and I have tonnes more energy. I think meal replacement packs are a darn sight healthier than carrying an excess 6 stone!

I think it matters which diet program it is because that's probably why your DH is tutting about it.

Being completely honest, I can see why he might be irritated. Assuming you and he share your money, he might see it as you spending a lot of money on a temporary fix to a problem that your daughter created herself.

(Don't flame me; I'm not saying I see it that way, but I know my dad would.)

She has 6 months before the wedding, if she did SW she could lose a few stone before then. She could get exercise DVDs to do while her kids are in bed to avoid having to go to the gym.

Please don't encourage the meal replacement diet, I did it triggered my gallbladder attack (massive change in diet was catalyst) I then had 9 months of pain waiting for my operation. Slimming club plus gym membership would cost the same and much more sustainable. P.s. I've put on all I lost plus more from meal replacement diet! :(