To pay for my daughters diet?

[mytalentedv]

She is 26, and wants to get married next year. Money is very tight for them.

She wants to try a diet that replaces meals with counselling but she can't afford it. I have offered to pay this. I think this will help her focus. However my husband has been tutting and complaining about it.

Aibu? (It's £45 p/w)

facts are not rude. I'm not the only one telling you what you don't want to hear.

here's another one. She's done weightwatchers and has got fat again. So it didn't work.

if she knows what to eat and how to eat the answer is in her hands. The money would better be thrown at help -a cleaner, childcare etc to take the load off.

as someone else says, there's no magic.

yo-yo dieting is abuse of good health.

What about myfitnesspal? I lost three stone in three months on that?
Also, I am not a psychologist but I also wonder if any kind of diet plan is totally fruitless without establishing what is causing her to be obese to begin with.

I can only speak for me but I got obese through eating kebabs and chips not deep psychological issues!

She CAN lose weight without wasting vast quantities of money on fads diets.

I was just under 18 stone, within a year I had dropped to 12 stone and I am now 11. It was bloody hard work but I did it. The only person who can make you lose weight is yourself through dedication and determination.

If she really needs help them find her some proper counceling to deal with any issues she may have with food. Don't encourage her to take part in a fad diet.

Fucks sake.

Fat people aren't stupid and they aren't psychologically disturbed either.

A vast majority of people who have problems with weight have deep psyhcological problems which contribute towards their problems. You can try to deny that all you like but it is a major issue and why so many people end up yo - yo dieting because they don't get to the root of the problem

Nearly everyone I know who has done this has suffered dreadful hair loss.

This. The friend a had who did this had terrible hair loss, she wears a cap all the time. Not ideal preparation for a wedding.

When you're that heavy any exercise is far more effective than it would be if you were fit. She could load her toddlers into a pushchair and take them out for a brisk 30 minute walk every day whilst juicing or eating low carb, it would probably work as fast and have a less detrimental affect on her general health.

That's just nonsense. We get fat because we enjoy the tastes of high calorie and high sugar foods and it's easy to eat them - most of us could polish off a packet of biscuits I imagine but not eat 2 roast dinners. Yet probably similar calorie wise. Drinks too - fizzy drinks and alcohol and milky lattes or cappuccinos can easily amount to a days calories.

If YOU had psychological issues leading to weight gain fine - and well done for overcoming them - but it's dangerous and patronising to make excuses for a nation of obesity based around what amounts to greed.

It isn't nonsense at all. It is very much true.

As for your last paragraph that could equally be changed to "if you didn't have other issues good for you but it's dangerous to ignore the fact that many people do"

Looking at the whole picture isn't ignoring the problem, actually it will do a lot more to tackle it than any fad diet or people proclaiming "just eat less and move more" or other 'helpful' advice

Caramel, it is too simplistic to say "fat people are greedy". We all know what's healthy and what the good choices are, weight loss is about behavioural change. Some of it may be deep rooted problems, for others it's the question of "why does a smart person make the wrong choice?"

Oh and binge eating/overeating are both recognised pshychological disorders now in much the same way other eating disorders are

It's dangerous because it makes excuses and puts eating too much on a par with genuine drug addictions which simply isn't true.

We are programmed to enjoy eating. It's natural that when food is in abundance we want to fill up on it.

It isn't an excuse though it is a fact and it is dangerous to ignore that. Like I said just because it wasn't an issue for you doesn't mean you can ignore the fact that for many people it is

You can even spell counselling or psychological Sirzy so how can you proclaim expertise in these areas?

It may, in SOME cases, be a psychological issue but even then, dieting is the only way to sort it out. In many cases however, it is just down to greed. That's not a criticism by the way. I was greedy myself and still can be - but it certainly isn't because I'm psychologically damaged.

And you can't spell can't. I didn't realise it was a spelling test.

Without getting to the route of the problem many people end up in a yo yo diet cycle. Nobody has denied that in some cases it is down to greed, the only denial (which I see you are now backtracking) is from you attempting to deny that for many people it is much bigger issues than what they eat which cause the problem.

I'm with your husband tbh. Yes these types of diet can accelerate weight loss, but at what price to health and well being as well as your pocket. A gradual loss with exercise and altered eating habits is more effective even in the sort term. What initiatives has your dd already taken to get fitter ?What sir her standard lunch , does she pick up a latte on her way to work , drink fizzy drinks, snack in the evening, could she reduce her portion size ? Does she drive everywhere door to door , are there opportunities to walk, such as if she got off at an earlier bus stop or used the stairs not lift, or as others have suggested join a buggy fitness class (not always during the week). Are you , by any chance, someone who has also struggled with weight hence you empathise more?

No - my iPad can't, as presumably you know full well.

I'm not backtracking. People eat too much which is fine as we enjoy it and we are supposed to enjoy it. Then, they get fat.

If we think about sex, for example: people enjoy it because they are supposed to enjoy it. But we wouldn't say to someone sleeping around that perhaps they have a sex addiction - we'd say exercise some self control, which is what dieting and weight ultimately come down to.

I also use my fitnesspal as a reminder of what's going in my mouth but I'm not a slave to it! I lift weights 3 times a week and do HIIT (20 mins) and am slimmer in my late 30s (sustained for past 7 years) than I was the whole of my 20s. I lost 2 stone on ww but always felt hungry and tired. Ended up fatter than when I started! I eat clean 80% of the time now. Once the wedding is done perhaps your dd can look into something a bit more middle of the road health wise like this. Physically I've never felt or looked better unlike on the crash diets I've done. Good luck to her whatever she decides!

You accepted in your last post that for some people there is deeper issues. Nobody has denied that over eating is of course an issue but you can't ignore that there is often a reason for that, and that reason isn't as simple as liking the wrong foods. If only it was then it would be so easy for people to lose weight.

For a very small minority of people Sirzy - I certainly didn't 'accept in my last post' that 'some' people have psychological issues. A small minority - and I'm thinking here of people who were starved as youngsters for example - or Prada Willi syndrome of course.

But that is a tiny minority of people and for the majority of overweight people that will not be applicable. That's as clear as I can be as I see you have some comprehension difficulties as well as spelling.

It isn't a minority, far from it.

It's a shame you can't post without having to make personal digs at people. It is quite possible for people to have differing opinions without the need for digs you know.

I did a quick-fire diet for 3 months (Month 5 was my wedding). I went on liquid diet the first 7 days, dr.joshi diet for the next 21 days, then low-carb-no-dairy plan for the next 2 months. I jogged for an hour every day, quit sugar cold turkey and went to special core fitness classes three evenings a week (belly dance / aerobics / kickboxing). From size 16, I became size 12 in 3 freaking months and on month 4, I had massive hair loss with bald patches that forced me to wear a wig on my wedding - but that's another story.

That was in 2010. Now I am size 18 and struggling to get the weight off (recently-developed hormone issues and medication a big roadblock for weight loss). An ayurveda consultation told me I put back all the kilos because my body did not learn the healthy way to lose weight and maintain the new weight. So now I am on a sensible 1800 calorie diet (no restrictions on any food, except the ones my Dosha type cannot have) walk 2 miles a day, do yoga every alternate day, and eating good sugars like fruits and honey.

So, under the supervision of my Ayurvedic consultant, I have lost 2 kilos in the last 2 months (permanently, as long as I do not go back to my old eating habits) and I am feeling really better, i.e., safe and relieved that I won't be having rude surprises later on. Do not let your daughter do any fad diet or extreme weight loss plan. She will surely regret it a few years from now. Counselling is always a good idea but please - do not replace food with it!

W

P.S.: Take this free test to know your Dosha tridosha.com/self-test

I'm just hearing excuses. Most working mothers have to go to the gym when the kids are in bed, that's life. I don't buy into any of the diet fads. I'm not saying they don't work short term, but they're just money makers. Eating well and excercise. It's that simple. I had two stone to lose after I had my son, I used the myfitnesspal app, ate lots of lean meat, fish, fruit and veg and exercised. It took 8 months. You will not be helping your daughter if you buy this for her. It's just a very low calorie diet, packaged up and delivered to her door. Also, if she does this with no excercise won't she just be left with excess/saggy skin?

That is possibly a fair point Sirzy and I apologise for it and retract it.

However, it does gall me in general when counselling and psychotherapy are offered as catch all solutions for any issue or addiction, including eating. I think anyone with an ED will confirm - whether anorexia, binge eating, whatever, that all the expensive treatment in the world made no difference - it had to come from them. I picked up on the spelling as (forgive me) it sounded so self assured, almost factual in your post - and it isn't.

I know when I did Cambridge years ago, I wanted to lose weight. I was young and had no access to an oven even so weight watchers and the like wouldn't have helped me. It worked brilliantly and I've never put the weight back on. People like to state it as if it's an assured fact and it just isn't. These days I eat quite a lot (I am greedy!) but I exercise a lot too and also I'm not a drinker, which helps.

Sometimes a short, sharp, drastic diet is exactly what one needs. So much easier to maintain a healthy weight and diet when you have a body you're happy with! :)

The evidence is that yo-yoing weight is bad for you.
Rapid weight loss from a big weight means you are more likely to get loose skin which will not add up to feeling more confident on your wedding day.
The evidence is that changing your attitude to food, getting rid of pathological eating patterns and adopting a healthier lifestyle is better.
The most important thing is that she lives as long and happy a life as possible for herself, her new husband and her kids, IMHO.
What about asking her GP for a dietician referral, encorporating small amounts of exercise into her life (walks with kids at weekends, taking stairs instead of lifts etc) and paying for proper counselling (similar price to above)?
Now if only I could take my own advice...