AIBU to think it is REALLY daft to get into debt buying xmas presents etc.

[IceBeing]

Do people really go into debt over christmas and if so, why?

how much am i suppossed to spent?
i. dont think it is about how much money you spend. It is fine imo to spend 1 pound. Or 100 pounds. Whatever. But what comes accross in your posts is a negativity.

You said earlier that you feel the same about birthdays too and that you hate it when people ask you what would you like for your birthday. Why is that? What is wrong with accepting presents and celebrating?

Are you one of those people who also hate weddings, and valentines day and halloween and dancing and letting your hair down and everything?
Tbh i think that it is impirtant for children to learn the art living.working hard and then being able to let your hair down, to celebrate, to dance, to give and receive presents. To congratulate yourself and others, to surprise lovedones, to treat yourself and others few times a year. Why not?

If we only did what we 'need' then we would only live on bread and water and wouldnt socialize.

*Dame
the same happened to me and only with this thread.

Tbh i think that it is impirtant for children to learn the art living.working hard and then being able to let your hair down, to celebrate, to dance, to give and receive presents. To congratulate yourself and others, to surprise lovedones, to treat yourself and others few times a year. Why not?

I agree, very very much,

I have a relative who was taught the opposite and she can't enjoy herself, ever. Funnily enough she doesn't enjoy bdays or xmas either, but she doesnt know how too, and doesn't put any effort in.

Whatever happened to you op, happened to you, your DD has a totally different live experience and will be totally different from you.

I would do as La suggests.

I actually like most of xmas and birthdays...just not the bit with presents.

I hate being asked what I want for xmas because I don't want anything. I hate trying to think of gifts for others because I know I will get it wrong and it basically feels like we are all just filling up each others spare rooms with tat. The only people who are winning are the retailers.

Last year I tried to set up a system whereby the family all send each other a 10 pound note....then of course you don't actually have to send it because the net exchange is zero.

If I think of a present someone might like I tend to just get it for them. I don't wait for a special occasion.

he does mention he is promoting his book in para 1 it is ironic

Yes but surely not between mother and DD?

Just a bit

Last year I tried to set up a system whereby the family all send each other a 10 pound note....then of course you don't actually have to send it because the net exchange is zero.

Christmas for me is about giving setting up a system with the aim of not giving or receiving anything is not in the spirit if Xmas. If you really don't want to give anything then tell people that and tell them you don't want anything from them either instead of setting up ridiculous net effect systems. That film "a Christmas carol" is springing to mind.

Wow, I can't believe ppl are givingOP A hard time over this. I agree actually. I also don't understand why go into debt spending £300 on gifts celebrating Christmas. I am a foreigner though and for me christmas is about going to church and celebrating the birth of Christ. Presents under a tree is a culture I learned from my English hubby. I am truly not fussed and think it's silly making it about this. I also know very genuinely poor people, so the proclamations from peeps saying they can't help it because they live hand to mouth usually does not make sense. This is not a necessity. It's a choice. Ppl should stop pretending it's noble to go into debt to create a magical christmas. I can easily afford the money on presents for my kids but I won't. I will be getting my kids 3 presents each. I don't think 15 wrapped presents on Christmas Day is a culture I want to fully embrace.

Well for some people it's either get in to debt or look an 8 year old child in the eye and say "Father Christmas never came this year,
I've never got into debt for d.d. I've always saved but I do apprieciate not everyone can do that. so I'd never judge anyone. I've no right to, and neither do you.

Your culture (sounds wonderful) is different to the one here though, nihat. The UK is very commercialised and Christmas isn't about celebrating the birth of Jesus to many, it's how much you can spend and the shops are ready to take it from you so will use every bit of emotional blackmail they can, take this one . Nothing you get is good enough unless it's a £900 handbag. The adverts show happy families sharing gifts (not time which costs nothing, time which costs a present), the TV commercials are jam packed with things that you can buy for "only 345". People get sucked alone and it's really depressing. I don't believe a lot of people in the UK understand the true meaning behind it. We're supposed to be a Christian country (mostly), but Christian when it suits.

YANBU. Dh wants to buy me a new laptop, even though I don't need one now, for Christmas. I appreciate that he wants to buy something 'nice' for me, but we are paying off a large purchase and I don't want to have to worry about paying this thing off too.

I do the finances and I Know that we "could" do it, but it would take scrimping and saving in other ways, that I'm very creative with IF there is a genuine need. If not, it's all a pain in the neck robbing Peter to pay Paul.

Dh is upset, but partly because he is addicted to electronics and wants to buy a Laptop. I'm not so sure if I wanted a $1000K Holiday for Christmas if he would be up to that right now without saving for it. That alone in itself is enough for me to say "We can't afford it right now...let's save for it".

He's also brought up those 18 months same as cash deals...forget it! We already have a big purchase I want paid off ASAP, is this going to help me have a happier Christmas...just another bill to be paid off - 18 months same as cash is not free! You still have to pay for it, and we might be worse off then when the bill is due than now. No thanks.

I know what you mean about it being commercialised. I guess it's easy for me to ignore it because it's not familiar to me. I especially don't worry that my 7 year old girl will feel left out. I know lots of much more disadvantaged children. This is first world problems.

Absolutely a first world problem. It's celebrations like Christmas which keep the economy going. The shops encourage spending, not to do you a favour and make Christmas magical but because their customers give them revenue to keep them going. There's also a lot of pressure here for parents to give the right presents, no matter what, so the 2 go hand in hand.

Nihat there's a balance though. We are religious too and there will just be bits and bobs under our tree. And new shoes for DS because he needs them. :)

But I do like having a big dinner and doing things like that as a family and spending $ giving presents/food to others, because to us helping other people feel joy and having joy in our family being together reflects our joy at the birth of Christ, if that makes sense!

So even though we don't splash out on gifts we can still spend quite a lot on Christmas dinner etc.

What would a 3 1/2 year old like? Well, it depends on what she already has, really.
At that age I was getting Ds1 a toy cooker, with a sound and light hob (which I love, one ring makes boiling noises, the other makes frying noises when you put a pan on them) and plastic food to go with it. He was at the age where he loved to copy whatever I was doing. He also got a toy Henry that has a bit of suck (but not much, just enough to vacuum up the polystyrene balls out of the beanbag). I think he also got a teaset, with a drying rack and a washing up bowl, and some toy food, both in tins/packets and out. Books, always. Toy animals, always (we have a rule - he can only have new animals that he doesn't already have).

How much to spend? That is entirely up to you. YOUR choice. As it is for everyone else.

This year I have spent rather more than I should, because I bought a playhouse for both boys - and because I couldn't find a decent size one at a cheap rate (I'm in Australia, everything is more fecking expensive here anyway) I decided to spend a bit more and get a good quality large one that will keep going for 10 years. But it's worth it for the amount of play they'll get out of it.

As a matter of interest, why is your DD unlikely to go to school? Is that a choice you've already made?

Because people feel they NEED to impress others or buy others gifts.
Don't make yourself broke to act rich

OP, I'm so sad at your posts, because you sound so angry in all of them.

Celebrating Christmas or not is up to the individual - I don't celebrate it myself. You just sound so determined not to enjoy anything, and and have a need to determinedly argue with those who may question you.

If your anger is caused by hurt, then by lashing out and being spiteful about others is not going to make you feel better about yourself. Is it that you want others to feel as bad as you?

I agree actually, there's no need to go into debt for Christmas. Me and DH have both picked up extra work to afford Christmas because we want to buy people the gifts we want to give them.

But when I was broke I gave people nifty little DIY stuff and they loved them. Didn't spend more than a few bucks for gifts. A little creativity does go a long way.

My parents would exchange IOU's for favors at Christmas like "Don't worry about the dishes this week" and they could cash them any time before the next Christmas.

You don't need money to have a good Christmas.

I agree to an extent, especially when people will get into thousands of pounds worth of debt just to show off.
But then there are families that are not well off at all, and get into minimal debt just to afford to buy their immediate family one nice gift, so their children don't miss out against their peers at Xmas.

I'm really struck by how emotionally flat you come across, OP.

unless your relatives all have the same view, trying to get an entire extended family to exchange tenners just because you don't want anything is a bit lacking in empathy.

I don't spend loads on family gifts, but we all enjoy finding something thoughtful that the recipient will love.It's not about the money, but showing that you care enough to have noticed their tastes and interests.

I think there's a balance too. It's totally daft going into debt to buy iPods and iPhones for kids. Going into a tiny bit of debt to pay for a Christmas meal and a couple of cheap toys is keeping costs low.

Yanbu

I think people are daft to get into debt over Christmas.

It's one day of over indulgence. Christmas is the same day every year, save a bit each week/month for it.

If I think of a present someone might like I tend to just get it for them. I don't wait for a special occasion.

My mum used to do that - the odd stuffed dog I mean not big things - and then use that as the reason not to give me a single Xmas present.

I would love to get 'just because' presents but can't afford it (even for my DCs, they don't really get things throughout the year) so anything I see that they like I save for Xmas. I guess I could give it there and then but it would mean I couldn't do Xmas as well IYSWIM.

Wow purple, what do 2 children under 5 need that costs 1.5k.

I've spent about £80 each on my two. Elder one has asked for some stuff, some of which she'll get and some of which she can spend any Christmas money she gets on if she still wants it. She's 7 and sensible she hasn't asked for anything overly indulgent.

We don't struggle for money, but I have tried to teach her that Christmas isn't just about stuff and that its about spending time together with family. We are not religious.

I feel sorry for any parent who feels pressured by adverts etc.

Poundland, poundworld or 99p shop for stocking fillers.
Shop at Tesco through the year then use the double up facility in November. Buy toys from there.
Start buying little bits in September onwards.

Loads of ways to not get into debt, if you set yourself a budget.

Kids under 3/4 want stuff to open, they aren't too bothered what it is.

1. Don't go into shops then. I don't. There is nothing to stop people going into shops. I get a weekly Tesco delivery £1 delivery shop. Then you won't see all the commercialisation. Works really well.

1. Yes I give the children money and we are not actually short of money and three are graduates in work so yes that is a present of course it is. However even when they were smaller they never wanted much stuff. We are not particularly into wanting things. They do get a stocking which contains a tangerine and gold coins (chocolate) so I suppose I need change the comment they don't get physical presents because they do get that.

I certainly don't think getting into debt over Christmas is a good thing. In one sense I was mumsnet's worst in debt person (£1.3m mortgage after the divorce, single mother of five etc, no savings) but I would not spend on Christmas what I could not afford. I agree with those saying that if you can get it all repaid when January's pay packet comes around that's fine but to take on debts which take ages to repay or continue a cycle of debt just because you've bred greedy materialistic children is not a great plan.