To Expect a Vegetarian Option at Christmas Lunch?

[HedgePony]

I am a vegetarian but for the last two Christmasses at my MiL's house, there has been nothing for me to eat at Christmas lunch! Literally all I can have is the peas! (I can't eat the potatoes as they are cooked in the goose fat and I can't eat the stuffing as it is cooked inside the goose.)

Then, for supper, there is only scraps - i.e. whatever is leftover from lunch and whatever else might be in the fridge. For everyone else this means cold goose or turkey, cold ham, cold pigs in blankets, etc. For me, this means wilted old salad and a wedge of cheese if I am lucky.

The first year, I thought it must have been an oversight (although I was upset about it as I had only had DD a few weeks before and was breastfeeding so I needed to eat). But when it happened again the next year, I was actually really upset.

I don't get on with MiL very well and she is quite a passive-aggressive person. So I sort of think maybe she is doing it on purpose. (Money is absolutely no object for her and I don't think it's that she doesn't have time either - she pretty much does the minimum for Christmas lunch/buys ready made stuff.)

I have on occasions when staying there taken veggie tarts, etc with me, but I am not sure if I should do this (as a host, I would be embarrassed if a guest felt they had to bring their own food!).

I should probs help more in the kitchen tbh but then I am busy looking after DD and I do help a bit.

Am I being unreasonable?!

It's not just the gravy that has to be changed though. It's also the potatoes and roast veg (which can't be roasted in the goose fat), the stuffing (which can't be cooked inside the goose), the sprouts (not having bacon in them) and so on. Do the pigs in blankets need to be made vegetarian (veggie sausages wrapped in Fakey bacon) too? The only thing on the table that wouldn't be affected by changing things to suit the OP would be the peas and chopped carrots.

I can absolutely see why someone might feel that their christmas dinner had been ruined if everything but the Turkey was vegetarianised. Lots of things made slightly less nice could add up to a much worse Christmas dinner, and many people would feel very resentful of that.

Not that I'm saying that hosts shouldnt provide food for everyone. I just don't agree that people are being silly for wanting meaty gravy and goose fat potatoes and parsnips, and sprouts with bacon etc so there's no loss in making it a veggie feast. I was a vegetarian for years and felt quite strongly that my dietary choices shouldn't be forced on everyone. No one should be going hungry, but sometimes that means you sit at Christmas dinner with a far less exciting plate of food (and feel grateful that your hosts made you a veggie meal).

If I were catering for veggies at christmas, I would make them something nice and special but I wouldn't do it at the expense of the normal christmas dinner.

whatever5
Vegetarian gravy does not taste the same as gravy with meat juices and it isn't (in my opinion)as nice.

Which vegetarian gravies have you tried, whatever? Have you tried it/made it with reduced down vegetable juices/wine, sherry or decent balsamic vinegar/cranberries/miso etc? There are all sorts of ways to create a rich non-meat gravy.

The goose fat is a pile of shit anyway makes no difference. oil is fine.

stuff in is better done separately because other wise its greasy as fuck.

as long as there's vege gravy and op cab have the potatoes and the veg there would have been enough to make do fir the first year and then bring something along the second and third.

It's not alot of effort to use oil on potatoes hardly going to make any difference

I can't taste the difference between potatoes roasted in goose fat or oil. If you add some thyme and freshly ground salt that taste fab, whatever fat you use.

I once had this happen, I'm an easy veggie. More of just not a meat eater (I eat fish and don't mind vegetables cooked in meat juice). I actually just have an aversion to eating meat.

I used to go to my grandparents for Christmas and my mum would always bring some veggie style main for me. One year my mum forgot, I should have checked but after that I decided to go to my MIL house.

She always gets me a lovely option and I don't get asked every year "oh so you don't eat meat?" while I sit at the table.

CalamitouslyWrong, I don't think anyone's suggesting that the entire party should eat vegetarianised versions of the traditional meal. The OP's MIL buys it all ready to cook/re-heat from Waitrose. All that's necessary is that either she or the OP buys a few additional items which don't contain meat and heat them through at the same time. Everybody else can have meaty gravy and the OP can have some sort of savoury onion version. Really, really easy if everybody works together and communicates.

Some people are suggesting what amounts to that. A bit of 'veggie gravy won't ruin the meal' and 'roasties done in sunflower oil should be fine for everyone' plus 'stuffing is better for everyone find outside the bird'... Add it up and you've got a completely different meal.

The thing is, the family who've done Christmas with goosefat roasted potatoes and stuffing done inside the bird served with meaty gravy are likely to be disappointed because one person's dietary choices have dictated pretty much their whole meal. It doesn't matter that some veggies prefer veggie bisto or potatoes done in sunflower oil.

I don't disagree with the people who've suggested a small tray of veggie alternatives, but the latter part of the thread has gotten a bit 'well the veggie version of x won't ruin anyone's dinner'.

Your DH is BVVVU as is MIL.

Insist OH ring her & ask if there is likely to be anything for you....
Both of them are horrid, she knows full well, & he isn't married to his mother & should help you before it becomes a major issue

I'd have to raise it with her directly. She has been incredibly mean not providing you with a meal for Christmas dinner. There's no excuse really. I'd have to speak to her face to face and find out what the problem is.

I can't believe the fuss people are making on here about cooking a bit of extra food to cater for a guest's needs. Seriously it astounds me. I would be horrified not to provide for anyone eating at my house, especially at Christmas.

And as for all this stuff about the fish eating. It's completely irrelevant given that the meal we're talking about is full of meat, not fish. It actually makes things even less explicable as even the most 'veggie averse' person could surely bung a salmon-en-croute in the oven and feel they'd provided?

I'm glad you're going to tackle it this year, OP. It really could be utter thoughtlessness on your MiL's part rather than hostility.

TooSpotty fish = meat if you're a vegetarian. Which the OP eventually divulged that she wasn't after God knows how many posts. So it isn't irrelevant at all.

But it's entirely irrelevant to this meal, which is bird and pork, not fish. So it's not about the principles of vegetarianism, which clearly isn't an issue for her MiL even if it is for some posters on here. It's a practical issue.

I'd take the same view regardless of the reasoning - if a guest can't or won't eat major components of a meal I'm serving, then I'll either change it or provide an alternative.

Some people are suggesting what amounts to that. A bit of 'veggie gravy won't ruin the meal' and 'roasties done in sunflower oil should be fine for everyone' plus 'stuffing is better for everyone find outside the bird'... Add it up and you've got a completely different meal. - It's not a side-by-side tasting!

Stuffing is better done outside the bird (and it's better forthe turkey as well not to be stuffed) roasties and parsnips - I always do in coconut oil. Veggie gravy - ok, I'd do a seperate one; I can see it would taste 'different'. I certaily wouldn't do sprouts-with-bacon (who needs more meat?) and don't do bacon or pigs-in-blankets anyway (MIL = muslim)Any vegetarian at my house would at least be able to eat the trimmings.

And I'm amazed that at a table of 20, there ws only one diner with special requests. These days I'd expect at least 3 of thsoe to be veggie, and a couple more gluten or dairy averse, maybe 1 or 2 non-meat eaters by religion...

I agree TooSpotty, it some times seems that people on here seem to jump on the least important fact and just focus on that.

It's irrelevant whether the op eats fish once a month or not, the point is for the last 2 years OP her MIL has just given her carrots and peas for her main meal, while everyone else has a proper dinner.

If it was me I would take a cool bag with my own meal in it. And either cook it myself or wait and see if MIL has cook me something, and if not then I would be saying very loudly as carrrots and peas where dished up again for the 3rd year that it didn't matter as I knew that once again she would not cook you a proper meal so you have bought your own.

I think you also need to be open and honest with your DH that you expect his mother to treat you properly as a guest and cater for you as she has been so rude in the last 2 years and that you are seriously thinking about whether or not she can be involved in both yours and your DD life.

It's not the 'least important fact'. The OP stated she eats fish at peoples houses so as not to be 'difficult' but somehow she can't eat potatoes in goose fat so as not to be difficult. She really isn't helping herself.

Anyway looks like OP has buggered off, think I will too, need some fresh air.

I am a vegetarian brought up in a family of vegetarians and meat eaters. In our family vegetables were all roasted in vegetable oil. Stuffing was cooking in two batches, one inside and one outside the bird. There were sausages with bacon and veggie sausages with facon. No bacon in the sprouts. Two kinds of gravy. One goose, one ham, one nut roast.

This to me is a normal Christmas dinner. It does all fit inside a regular oven and hob - just about with some things taken out to rest and others kept warm.

So to me the idea that a normal Christmas dinner includes meat in everything including potatoes is strange. For anyone who's used to doing it this way you can do it my family's way and there's no shortage of meaty things or veggie things.

I created a rod for my own back years ago .Made a nut/ dried fruit/pulses and veg/fake bird shaped roast(why?) for a vegetarian.The vegetarian is long gone.

This turkey is now so popular amongst the ham,goose,lamb dishes that I dare not leave it off the menu.

Make one OP and see the carnivores noshing on it with a beautiful veggie gravy!

Thing is, people who have grown up with Christmas as a meat in everything affair may well feel short changed by your family's version of Christmas. The OP's MIL does her stuffing inside the bird and that may well be how the family likes it. The whole Christmas meal is something people get very attached to. Just because they could do it so everything is vegetarian doesn't mean they'll want to. It was my choice not to eat meat, not theirs.

My Christmas dinner isn't a meat in everything affair, but I appreciate that's what some people look forward to as Christmas dinner. There was always more meat in my aunt's Christmas dinner growing up than I do, but I sat an ate my veggie version while my cousins and other family members went crazy over potatoes done in animal fat (usually lard), pigs in blankets and bacon in the sprouts. They would have been incredibly annoyed (and rightly) if I'd insisted that all the side dishes be veggie because it's perfectly possible for things to be veggie.

When I do Christmas dinner, there's no turkey, no sprouts, and no bread sauce. And no Christmas cake it Christmas pudding. Neither DH nor I like turkey very much. But we don't try to stop MIL doing a turkey crown if we go to hers. If we were vegetarian (I am no longer vegetarian), I would offer to take along an alternative for us.

Also, I don't think it's unusual to find yourself not catering to several vegetarians (including done for religious reasons) and other dietary requirements at your family Christmas dinner. It might be unusual if it were a meal with colleagues, but family Christmas meal traditions tend to be shaped by families.

just take your own thing ,to get put in oven for reheating and maybehave the veg if ok? we've done this loads no prob

Dirk does raise a good point. Vegetarianism is a choice.

So is religion. If the OP was a strict Muslim or Jew, or a Jain, or a Hindu who wouldn't touch beef, would it have been OK for MIL to ignore her religious beliefs and serve up stuff she knew DIL wouldn't feel able to eat?

YANBU my DH is veggie and we go to my parents for Christmas and he has got a choice of 5 different main bits for his dinner. She always does separate gravy and nothing cooked in meat fat, and his own 'pigs in blankets'

so what if it is a choice.

not drinking coffee is a choice. Doesn't mean I wouldn't provide a tea or cold drink. Instead

Hedgepony I like your plan of texting and asking whether to take something. However, if MIL says, 'no', take the tart anyway. That way you can say, 'Oh, luckily I brought something just in case you forgot!'. You can bung it in the oven and not go hungry.

It sounds as though she's either genuinely scatty and self-centred, or being very nasty. Either way you have to stick up for, and fend for yourself here. Take your own tart and that way it's win win.

As for everyone saying her DH should stick up for her, I'm a bit confused. I can see why it would be OK in an ideal world, but I thought we were all supposed to be rampant feminists who can stick up for ourselves, say whatever we want, be brash and speak our minds etc. If the DHs family are as tight and weird as they sound (in the nicest possible way) I can completely see why he wouldn't want to rock the boat. It's not right, but I'm not sure HE deserves a flaming on here. I can also imagine that he could possibly be the nicest man in the world, and that this is a fairly minor character flaw. A lot of men are a bit weird about their mums after all.

I'm a veggie too, and can completely sympathise but I don't think I would be heading for a third year of peas and carrots without doing something MYSELF to sort the situation out. I wouldn't rely on my DH to sort it out for me. Why the hell should he when I'm perfectly capable of doing so myself?

I hope you have a very happy day Hedge and that MIL either comes up trumps, or you manage to sort yourself out.

Oh, and where are the mashed swede, Brussels sprouts, red cabbage, parsnips and cauli cheese for goodness sake? Just carrots and peas for Christmas dinner? Weird.