To Expect a Vegetarian Option at Christmas Lunch?

[HedgePony]

I am a vegetarian but for the last two Christmasses at my MiL's house, there has been nothing for me to eat at Christmas lunch! Literally all I can have is the peas! (I can't eat the potatoes as they are cooked in the goose fat and I can't eat the stuffing as it is cooked inside the goose.)

Then, for supper, there is only scraps - i.e. whatever is leftover from lunch and whatever else might be in the fridge. For everyone else this means cold goose or turkey, cold ham, cold pigs in blankets, etc. For me, this means wilted old salad and a wedge of cheese if I am lucky.

The first year, I thought it must have been an oversight (although I was upset about it as I had only had DD a few weeks before and was breastfeeding so I needed to eat). But when it happened again the next year, I was actually really upset.

I don't get on with MiL very well and she is quite a passive-aggressive person. So I sort of think maybe she is doing it on purpose. (Money is absolutely no object for her and I don't think it's that she doesn't have time either - she pretty much does the minimum for Christmas lunch/buys ready made stuff.)

I have on occasions when staying there taken veggie tarts, etc with me, but I am not sure if I should do this (as a host, I would be embarrassed if a guest felt they had to bring their own food!).

I should probs help more in the kitchen tbh but then I am busy looking after DD and I do help a bit.

Am I being unreasonable?!

She just doesn't want to cook two meals on Christmas day.

She's not being asked to do that. Just to heat through a suitable alternative main course, which the OP could if necessary bring with her. If the MIL won't countenance doing pescetarian-suitable vegetable dishes, then the OP can bring those too. Easy. The OP has confirmed there is no shortage of oven space.

Dude, you really didn't luck out with your DH. There is no way in the world my partner would let me go hungry on any day, never mind Christmas Day!
But you do both sound incredibly passive. Can't believe you're willing to risk it again this year, just either don't go at all, or take food, don't risk another Christmas dinner of peas!

And don't eat her non-vegetarian cheese again.

She just doesn't want to cook two meals on Christmas day.

She's not being asked to do that. Just to heat through a suitable alternative main course, which the OP could if necessary bring with her. If the MIL won't countenance doing pescetarian-suitable vegetable dishes, then the OP can bring those too. Easy. The OP has confirmed there is no shortage of oven space.

She hasn't been asked just to heat something OP brought along in the past though. OP has only just decided to do that.

Well with two simple adaptations there wouldn't have been the need for any separate additions. cook stuffing separately and roasties in oil there would have been enough to eat without bringing anything. or at least enough to have done for one meal.while the MIL got her head around it for the second.

If mil was cooking for 20 people that first year I would expect that more than one person had dietary requirements. Particularly if there was a range of ages and health amongst that 20.

However now the op has said she eats fish it puts a different slant on things. Cooking for 20 must be bad enough without thinking about a fish eating non goose fat eating guest.

YANBU Crikey what a MIL! Poor you. It can be a struggle getting christmas dinner ready for lots of people but at the very least if she can't cope then why doesn't she tell you in advance to bring a dish that she can add to your plate along with potatoes(cooked in oil!!) and veg.I think i'd plan to do something else this year if I were you!

It is not relevant why the OP has her dietary requirements/preferences, it is just polite and kind for family to cater to people's choices and preferences at a big family celebration like Christmas. I don't see why it is such a big deal for this MIL, just make nice roast mixed vegetables and potatoes, a decent veggie gravy and then make sure there is lots of nice salad. It's not rocket science. WTF is the problem?

Cooking for 20 is not exactly the end of the world. Why bother at all is you don't care about your guests' happiness?

It is polite and kind to cater for everyone's preferences but then it is also polite and kind to bring alone food to a large Christmas meal if you have any special requirements. It is bad enough cooking for a large number of people at Christmas without having to do extra options for some people.

alone along

Cooking a few nice veggies and a nice gravy is hardly a massive imposition for one's own family member. I think the MIL and possibly the whole family is obviously too precious about the whole Xmas thing to begin with. Cook some nice food, make varied things that people like, put it on the table. Be hospitable and friendly. Laugh. It's not that hard.

I'd cater. I cater for all my guests needs, no matter why they have them. But you can bet I'd be muttering about OP (while cooking her a delicious vegetarian dinner) wanting a sodding vegetarian dinner when she isn't a bloody vegetarian.
Only when she couldn't hear me though.

The weirdest thing here though is the OP is just now going to mention it to her husband nearly TWO FUCKING YEARS AFTER THE FACT.

Cooking a few nice veggies and a nice gravy is hardly a massive imposition for one's own family member. I think the MIL and possibly the whole family is obviously too precious about the whole Xmas thing to begin with. Cook some nice food, make varied things that people like, put it on the table. Be hospitable and friendly. Laugh. It's not that hard.

I presume that the OP doesn't want to eat just "nice veggies" though. Her MIL and family may not consider vegetable gravy to be "nice" gravy. I wouldn't go to my in laws house and expect them to eat different food for Christmas than usual as I know that kind of thing is a big deal to some people.

Grocklebox I appear to have brought out some nascent anger management issues in you . Have some .

Flipping heck! Thank you to everyone who has been sweet!

I know two vegetarians.
One knows a load about the killing of animals, doesn't wear leather, or eat fish. She does feed her children meat, but it's the happiest meat she can find. I have no problem catering for her when she comes for dinner.
The second eats fish, wears leather, feeds her kids chicken nuggets made from possibly the most tortured if animals and frankly has no clue about it - she simply does it fir attention. It does really piss me off having to cater for her.
If you're type one, yanbu, type two and yabu.

*"The OP should be made to walk around wearing the goose as a hat.

The bastard pescatarian eating fish bastard."*

^Spits out wine laughing so much!

Personally I would make the best looking and tastiest vegetarian dish I could to bring along and heat up. I'd make extra in case anyone wanted to try it.
So once everyone's sitting down and their plates have been filled, and I'd be sitting there with bog all on my plate I would get up without a word heat up my food put it on a plate and just sit back down with it and carry on as if nothing has happened.

I might also put a bowl or plate of this food on the table for the others to try if they so wish.

There should ALWAYS be a veg options, that's completely unfair you don't get to eat because of your beliefs.
I would request it.
I'm no veg but sometimes I do choose the veg options at restaurants

Never heard of vegetarian gravy until this thread. It sounds suspiciously like the result would be something like having the peas poured onto the plate, without the trouble of putting them through a sieve first but I suspect there is more to it than that. Cornflour, possibly

Nah, red Bisto is veggie.

What does it taste like? (never had bisto of any colour) Does it taste like...gravy?

I'd just bring my own along. I was a vegetarian for awhile and I learned to eat around the plate, but sometimes all it would be was veggies that I could eat. I like protein even with a vegetarian dish, so just a plate of veggies would be grim.

Make a beautiful dish and some to share and plunk it on the table and eat. I have a (not passive)aggressive MIL to and if I were veggie she'd tell me to my face tough *hit. Dh might or might not say something. After so many years of worrying about being whacked for one says does not easily get fixed when you get married, I'm afraid, it doesn't mean he's not lovely though I know there are many that just don't get this.

My inlaws can be very hard to get along with, but I pick my battles - anything dealing with ds - they know better than to mess with me about it. In the long run we have a very small family and if we alienated those two we'd hardly have anyone left, and I wouldn't do that to dh for the world. So a veggie dish it would be, and if they didn't like me bringing it, Oh Well.

fwiw the breastfeeding part is a little ?? with me. Surely if someone ff they still have to eat. If you are hungrier than someone who ff's, then by all means you should be bringing something yourself to eat.

The bf part is bad because it affects ops child. So DH had even more reason to support his wife eating well. Not the case with ff as it's not reliant on mums nutrition.