To Expect a Vegetarian Option at Christmas Lunch?

[HedgePony]

I am a vegetarian but for the last two Christmasses at my MiL's house, there has been nothing for me to eat at Christmas lunch! Literally all I can have is the peas! (I can't eat the potatoes as they are cooked in the goose fat and I can't eat the stuffing as it is cooked inside the goose.)

Then, for supper, there is only scraps - i.e. whatever is leftover from lunch and whatever else might be in the fridge. For everyone else this means cold goose or turkey, cold ham, cold pigs in blankets, etc. For me, this means wilted old salad and a wedge of cheese if I am lucky.

The first year, I thought it must have been an oversight (although I was upset about it as I had only had DD a few weeks before and was breastfeeding so I needed to eat). But when it happened again the next year, I was actually really upset.

I don't get on with MiL very well and she is quite a passive-aggressive person. So I sort of think maybe she is doing it on purpose. (Money is absolutely no object for her and I don't think it's that she doesn't have time either - she pretty much does the minimum for Christmas lunch/buys ready made stuff.)

I have on occasions when staying there taken veggie tarts, etc with me, but I am not sure if I should do this (as a host, I would be embarrassed if a guest felt they had to bring their own food!).

I should probs help more in the kitchen tbh but then I am busy looking after DD and I do help a bit.

Am I being unreasonable?!

Why do people get so heated at Vegetarians/pescatarians. The OP can eat what the fuck she likes

Because that's the main issue in the actual thread.

Nobody gives a flying fuck what she eats; but she came on here whining that she could eat no food apart from peas as she was a vegetarian and turns out she is nothing of the sort.

Waste of everyone's time IMHO.

BUT SHE DOESN'T EAT MEAT!

So you think she should just suck it up and eat the goose??

I cater for a vegan on Christmas Day but she brings her own main course ( that I always have a slice of as she brings enough for everybody to try) and I make sure all trimmings are vegan as far as I can and provide her an alternative if not. Last year the Christmas cake was a vegan chocolate cake

But I do have some family members that are resentful that I don't cook the roasties in goose fat (as they taste better) and I do have people that resent the veganised food as they feel that as the carnivores outnumber the vegan, why should all the meal be vegan. Kind of the one as a
opposed to the many I suppose and they do feel that the vegan should make do and their meal should not be changed. Its a balancing act sometimes.

Take your own OP

Hedgepony you said

*What I think I will do is this.

I will text her a couple of weeks to ask what I can bring and if she wants me to bring a veggie option for me. If she says yes (or doesn't reply, which is what she did last time I texted her to ask if I could bring anything in particular) I'll bring a tart or something. If she says no and I still get flipping peas I will call her out on it. I may generally be a bit meek but if someone is deliberately and obviously rude I am fully capable of giving it to them with both barrels!

And, going forward, we'll stay at home next year. and every other year after that.*

That sounds very sensible. Good luck.

Chunderella - I usually do my roasties in vegetable oil, and I promise you, they are uber-crispy and delicious - but even if someone has to have their goose fat roasties, it is really easy to do some veg oil ones alongside them. I'd do them ahead of time, and bung them back in to reheat when the goose comes out to rest. Put some parsnips in alongside them, and that's two of the traditional sides easily done.

Since the MIL wasn't even providing fish I think the thread stands. I'm pescetarian and don't eat meat and would be in the same position as the OP if my MIL was as mean spirited!
Always ensure you have emergency mars bars in your handbag and good luck!

And roasties done in olive oil come out lovely and crispy for me.

Disregarding whether the OP is, or is not a "proper" vegetarian, a good host will always provide alternatives to things that a guest really cannot eat. It's not as if she can just eat decline the meat and eat the rest of the meal. But if the OP's MIL isn't challenged - albeit politely - then nothing is going to change, is it?

Also, this really isn't any sort of class issue. My MIL was certainly not bordering on the aristocracy but she was still fucking awkward about anyone who might have a genuine issue with anything she cooked.

Everyone still ate a big meal while one person had peas. I find it so strange! Not even a cheese sandwich later or something else offered by the dh.

OP, your MIL is a cow. Your DH is a spineless wimp. Now you need to decide whether or not you are a doormat. If not, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS e.g. Talk to your MIL, take your own food, refuse to go etc.

This ^

YABU to expect a vegetarian option when you are not vegetarian, you are pescatarian.

YANBU to expect food you can eat and enjoy.

Honestly, stay home and eat with your family first. Go to her house afterwards for wine and festivities if you must. She's made it clear you're not welcome, no need to martyr yourself and suffer through it.

If she asks, tell her that she doesn't make food you can eat. Being direct and standing up for yourself are good skills to have. :)

Just don't take it personally. People that are nasty are generally unhappy with life and themselves. If it wasn't you, it'd be someone else. Doesn't mean you should put up with it, but it does make it easier to think that it's not you personally that makes her this way.

What a cow, why can't she make something you would like at Christmas? Why bother to have people round at all if that's your attitude? I once had to make an entire kosher Christmas dinner (don't ask!). It was a fun challenge! Isn't the point of entertain to, well, entertain?

And I hate to add to the chorus against your DH but honestly....

I will text her a couple of weeks to ask what I can bring and if she wants me to bring a veggie option for me. If she says yes (or doesn't reply, which is what she did last time I texted her to ask if I could bring anything in particular) I'll bring a tart or something. If she says no and I still get flipping peas I will call her out on it. I may generally be a bit meek but if someone is deliberately and obviously rude I am fully capable of giving it to them with both barrels!

And, going forward, we'll stay at home next year. and every other year after that.

That sounds like a good idea OP. I don't see how she could object to you bringing your own food under the circumstances.

You eat cheese but won't eat the stuffing because it touched the meat? Or the potatoes because of the goose fat? But you will eat fish. Sorry but YABU. I happily cater to vegans or veggies with actual ethical reasons but every idiot knows how much the dairy and meat industry are intertwined. Calves are slaughtered for milk. You sound like a fussy eater instead of an actual vegetarian.

Does talking to your DH feature in your plan? I'd be saying I hope this year is better than the miserable last two. DH and I would always check menus bearing in mind what the other would enjoy/can eat.

YANBU

I accepted this ignorant behaviour nearly 30 years ago because being veggie was pretty rare back then..

But FFS this is 2014

Words fail me!

I think that the OP's reasons for not eating meat are probably irrelevant to the MIL. She just doesn't want to cook two meals on Christmas day.

The OP should be made to walk around wearing the goose as a hat.

The bastard pescatarian eating fish bastard.

YANBU
Don't text, call
Texting is passive aggressive too

"Hi DMIL, just planning stuff and thought I'd call and check what to bring- I thought i'd bring a tart dooda for me, and I saw a lovely stuffings recipe is love to bring - shall I bring to ready to go in the oven?"

Bring all that and also bring Stilton (or your chosen cheese) as a present. I give my family Neal's Yard Stilton as a present regularly, they look forward to it. Oh and chutney too.

Job done
I am a pescatarian

Aren't geese basically fish, because they live in water?

I would invite your MIL over to your house, make her a vegan feast, remove all meat products from the house and lock the door have a taste of my nut roast-flavoured medicine, mwhahaha

Your MIL would have had a major problem with the family I have to cater for. My DS can't eat chocolate (not won't, can't, he is physically heaving if he eats it). My sister and both SIL are pescatarians and all three neices are vegetarian. One won't eat non vegan cheese or milk because of the permanent pregnancy issue with dairy cows - which I support.

So I get salmon on croute for the pescatarians, turkey or something similar for the meat eaters and I check with the vegetarians what sort of thing they like. Usually it's a nut roast although one of my neices is extremely fussy so her mum brings something and chucks it in the oven.

As far as potatoes go I follow the Nigella and Mary Berry method. Roast the potatoes the night before, drain them and wrap in the foil trays (I don't use a roasting tin for either at Christmas - less washing up!) Christmas day whack them in the oven for ten minutes and they are fluffy inside, crunchy outside and no risk of burning them or having soggy spuds whilst you wait for the veg to catch up. So there is always room for extra bits and bobs to heat through as the turkey is resting and spuds aren't even in yet.

In the summer I catered for 30 people at a party. Four vegetarians and one pescatarian. Easy, chicken, salmon and vegetarian tarts and lots of salads and breads. I kept two tarts back in case the meat eaters went for them leaving the vegetarians with nothing if they wanted seconds and I made sure I got the vegetarians plus kids quietly to the buffet first so they could get their choices. Most adult meat eaters will eat anything on the table. Dessert was berries and meringue to make your own pavlova, ice cream, cream and sauces - take your pick and mix and match. Plus cheese and crackers. Everyone found something they liked and no one went hungry. It isn't hard. You just have to plan ahead. Which you do at Christmas anyway.

If you had popped in for a mid week meal unannounced I would have understood it OP, even though I would have been able to rustle up a sandwich at least for you, but Christmas takes lists and preparation, adding a piece of fish or a vegetarian pasta, nut roast or something similar isn't brain taxing and every vegetarian or pescatarian I know is always happy to give me ideas for something they would like but that doesn't take up much of my time at hectic times of the year. Most people don't want to put you out and are grateful that you have asked. Sitting down to a nice vegetarian pasta may not be very Christmassy but if my SIL told me she would enjoy that, that is what she'd get and I would appreciate her not making my Christmas harder work.

Your MIL doesn't sound like a great hostess. I totally understand the text idea, it's different if it is your own parents as you can push against them without upsetting someone else. But your DH needs to back you up. He needs to stand by you if MIL still makes it obvious she either doesn't approve of you or your dietary choices. Otherwise I can see you bringing something which she 'forgets' to put in the oven or cooks and leaves mouldering on the side whilst she does what she considers to be the 'proper' food.

I was sticking up for OP Girl - just in case you actually thought I had anything against pescatarians!

Oh unknown I was stating it I a 'I knows cause I is one' way