To Expect a Vegetarian Option at Christmas Lunch?

[HedgePony]

I am a vegetarian but for the last two Christmasses at my MiL's house, there has been nothing for me to eat at Christmas lunch! Literally all I can have is the peas! (I can't eat the potatoes as they are cooked in the goose fat and I can't eat the stuffing as it is cooked inside the goose.)

Then, for supper, there is only scraps - i.e. whatever is leftover from lunch and whatever else might be in the fridge. For everyone else this means cold goose or turkey, cold ham, cold pigs in blankets, etc. For me, this means wilted old salad and a wedge of cheese if I am lucky.

The first year, I thought it must have been an oversight (although I was upset about it as I had only had DD a few weeks before and was breastfeeding so I needed to eat). But when it happened again the next year, I was actually really upset.

I don't get on with MiL very well and she is quite a passive-aggressive person. So I sort of think maybe she is doing it on purpose. (Money is absolutely no object for her and I don't think it's that she doesn't have time either - she pretty much does the minimum for Christmas lunch/buys ready made stuff.)

I have on occasions when staying there taken veggie tarts, etc with me, but I am not sure if I should do this (as a host, I would be embarrassed if a guest felt they had to bring their own food!).

I should probs help more in the kitchen tbh but then I am busy looking after DD and I do help a bit.

Am I being unreasonable?!

If she says there's not enough room in the oven I could kind of understand that if she's doing a full roast thinking about it. Agree that if you eat fish you're obviously not actually opposed to the eating of animal flesh so it's your choice not to eat what is served if you are using the grounds of animal cruelty.

I am a meat eater and I cook roasties in sunflower oil, not any meat fat ahghgh

DH did ask me after lunch last year if I'd had enough to eat, but I just mumbled that I'd grab some toast later or something

The more you post, the more you all sound like a very dysfunctional family.

Your DH - a grown man, husband and father is actually so scared of his own mother that he won't even ask her what she has planned for your dinner. He's also happy to tuck into his slap up Christmas dinner, without giving you a glance or a second thought.

You - a grown woman, wife and mother are about to face a 3rd Christmas of this shit, rather than actually speaking to your DH and pointing out how miserable all this makes you.

Are you scared of your DH or are you just happy to be a doormat?

Book yourselves on to the Jeremy Kyle show and see what he says

To the posters saying 'good potatoes have to be cooked in goose fat' - No, they don't. Try cooking them in coconut oil (same for yorkshires) they are delicious and crispy.

To OP - I don't care how 'close-knit'* the family are - you have your own family now and should be having christmas at home.

*Close-knit = problems for 'interlopers', IMO.

I could be wrong but solid vegetable oil sounds like hydrogenated fat to me, which is just about the only fat that all health experts agree we should be avoiding.

Once a year won't do any harm Mimsy

Oh for heaven's sake. Stop pussyfooting around and trotting along meekly to starve for the 3rd Christmas in a row and do something- tough shit if anyone gets offended!

Yes, if you take your own food along it'll make MIL look like an inadequate host. That's because she is an inadequate host.

She is doing this on purpose.

Your husband is clearly spineless, but in this instance you haven't actually told him what's happened , so talk to him.If he brushes it under the carpet you'll know where you stand.

Either don't go where you're clearly not welcome, or go and take your own food . It's easy to take a vegetable tart along, you can parboil and part-roast some veggie roasties, and part-roast some carrots and parsnips too , just to go in the oven. Cook the food yourself, even if it means doing it when everyone else is eating, just to make sure MIL doesn't ruin / bin it. Hell, take along your own combi microwave if you have one, so it can't interfere with MIL's cooking. But unless you stop being a martyr nothing will change.

She couldn't use the no room in the oven excuse - there's an aga, a separate electric oven and a microwave.

The more I think about it the more I think if she had forgotten, she would have apologised a lot more and offered me a sandwich at least or something. And then made sure there was something for me at supper, rather than saying everyone help themselves to leftovers, knowing that would be nothing for me.

And whoever said she probably thought that because I eat fish I probably eat goose - no, she knows perfectly well I don't eat chicken, or goose, or turkey or any meat.

And, yes, I will mention it to DH! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable first!

Yes, Worra, but at Christmas there could be hydrogenated oil in all sorts of once-a-year foods - biscuits, cake, pudding, for example. I think if you're not going to cook roast potatoes in animal fat, switching to solid vegetable oil (which somebody mentioned hundreds of posts ago) is not the best alternative. Personally I use sunflower oil and I think my roast potatoes are pretty good, though I say so myself!

What!your not a vegetarian atall!so I change my stance to YABU. Why a fish but not a goose?

OP, all you have to do is say, "DH, please could you ring your mother and remind her to organise something for me to eat on Christmas Day? Ask her if she'd rather I brought my own."

And then take something anyway, so if she does "forget" at least you won't starve.

Yes we use sunflower oil too and the roasties come up lovely.

I actually think the secret is in the boiling beforehand. We don't par-boil, we boil completely so they come up crisp and crumbly.

I wouldn't be too quick to assume she hates you. I would assume that she isn't at all interested in catering for anyone whose dietary requirements differ from hers. Like my former mil. Who simply assumed that anyone who didn't eat what she offered was unbearably fussy.

But don't be a victim again, for heaven's sake. Phone her in good time and ask what you can bring given that you don't eat meat. That way she has no excuse to carry on serving you peas and carrots and you don't have another hungry Christmas.

Yes I'm yet to notice the difference between being cooked in animal fat or an oil of vegetable origin.

my roasties are always crispy and fluffy

Oh gees, look, I appreciate the fish/meat thing, I've been veggie for nearly 20 years but recently started eating fish OCCASIONALLY when I am at other people's houses so as not to be difficult. I do think there is a big difference in farming and killing a cow or a pig for food and killing a fish (one is a mammal with a very different nervous system, one is not). But I also understand that some people think there's not much difference. It would make a great topic for another thread but I really don't think it's that relevant to my thread!

Actually, I think all this roasted in goose fat malarkey is just that. A malarkey. I've never noticed the slightest difference between goose fat and perfectly good vegetable oil.

Nothing wrong with op eating fish, there are a number of reasons why she might not eat meat. But you have to be assertive, and speak up!

OP, when you have cheese is it vegetarian cheese, i.e. made with non-animal rennet?

Yes, you do need to 'mention it' to your DH. My DH would not eat a full meal (two years in a row) knowing that I had only eaten peas....that is really, really out of order. What does that say about him? That he is more concerned with what his mother thinks? What does that say about you not telling him how miserable that has made you?

Your MIL is a bad host. However, I do not think it was an over sight on her part......more intentional.

As I see it you have two choices here; you can either accept that you will not eat. Therefore, continuing the cycle of your MIL ruling the roost, dictating and DH not backing you and speaking up about how out of order this is.....nor anyone else and you continuing to not 'rock the boat'. Or, you could get DH to speak to his mother (maybe suggest that you bring something) and say if he doesn't then you won't be going.

You are worth more than this! You deserve to be respected! You should have your voice heard! YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE!

Dont mention it to DH, TALK to him about it, how twice in a row you have been left out of Christmas dinner, not accpetable.

With roasties it's all about how you rough up the edges so they go nice and crispy. Sunflower oil produces superb roasties. You don't need to cook them in goose fat.

As others have said, lost me on the fish. You are not vegetarian

I think its relevant because if you are eating fish so as not to be difficult it kind of makes sense why you mil would think youd eat goose once a year.So maybe she doesnt dislike you! :) Welfare wise fish have a very bad deal in fact as instead of being prestunned before slaughter they have a more drawn out death and it is well proven that they suffer, but yes no point going in to all that here. But maybe your mil knows you acomodate other peoples food served as you have started eating fish, so thinks you should acomodate hers (christmas diner coking for so many must be stressful!)

YANBU. Sorry to sound harsh, but you do need to be more assertive and not worry about who you offend :)