I am so angry and sad about this teenage pregnancy.

[ShockingBadHat]

A member of my extended family is pregnant. She's 17. She hasn't worked since leaving school and doesn't intend to ever. The boyfriend is older and 'on the sick' long term with a minor injury (think sprained wrist and you'd be on the right lines).

Her parents separated after she was born and she was removed from her mother by ss so lived with her father. They were recently moved to a brand new house by the HA. He pays very little rent as he keeps his wage from self employment low so he can claim HB.

She has now left the house and moved into a council B and B and is waiting for a HA house for herself, the boyfriend and the upcoming baby.

Her mother has never worked. Her father works very part time and claims full tax credits etc.

So this baby will be at least the third generation of this family to be born to parents who are completely reliant on the state BY CHOICE.

I am struggling with this so much, it's making me reevaluate all my left leaning, pro welfare principles.

How have we ended up with an entire underclass with such complete poverty of aspiration? How can we address it?

Aibu to feel so angry and sad about this? What a waste of a life.

It sounds like she has grown up with a difficult set of circumstances if the situation was so serious that she was removed from her mother by social services.

I think you should have some sympathy for her, as it sounds like she has attached herself to a feckless bloke and her prospects of turning things around and having a better life than the one her parents gave her are not good.

Dont be angry, be relieved that you dont find yourself in this situation.

Why are you struggling with it? Why would it make you re-evaluate your "left leaning" politics. Your post doesn't make any sense to me, really it doesn't.

Your relative has had a difficult start, a huge gap in parenting and is currently homeless. It's hardly a lifestyle choice, she's landed in this position due to a series of circumstances entirely beyond her control, why would you want to deny her the assistance to feed and home her child?

I understand where you are coming from shocking and I can appreciate the sadness at the way things are turning out for your relative... BUT having a baby at a young age doesn't mean that all of her potential will be wasted.

Are you very close to her? Perhaps you could support and encourage her to work out what she wants to do career wise after she's had the baby?

I'm not benefit bashing in anyway as there's been a couple of times that i've been dependent on benefits myself as a single parent.
I can sort of see your point OP, there is no denying that there are families who choose to live off long term benefits but a teenage pregnancy isn't the end of the world.
You are writing this girl off for a life on benefits and it might not be like that. There is support for teenage parents to get an education and she might decide to go to college. I had my son at 20 and it was only after having him that i really got kick started with wanting a career rather then just being stuck in a crappy low paid job.
This could be a really positive thing for her. And good on her for getting sorted with a council house. I'm in a lovely private rented house riddled with damp, i would swap with her in an instant!

Surely it is not that difficult to see the root of the problem. Two things:

1. "Work" as a concept in the UK society is now almost exclusively associated with making money (as opposed to making a contribution to your community/society). You work to make money. That is the popular discourse (unless you are a tiny minority of creatives/human rights lawyers/academic geeks/dedicated care workers/etc.). You now go to university to make money, that's the point of the degree. If work does not produce sufficient money or at least more money than welfare, why bother? Do you think the work your 17-year old relative could do now would produce more money than welfare?

1. We as a society treat many of our own members as sub-human and not deserving of a simple thing called a living wage. Let's face it, jobs that pay the minimum wage and below are never going to be the preserve of teenagers, students and bored housewives and pensioners who are otherwise loaded. The majority of these jobs are done by regular adults. Your 17 year old relative is probably appraising her future prospects very realistically. She's had a crap childhood, probably has no skills, that job at McDonalds she could get now will most likely be her job for life or at least for a couple of decades to come until she is able to move to one that pays slightly above the minimum wage if she is lucky. Would I blame her for not wanting to work in a job that will neither provide her with an income she can survive on or dignity? Not really.

Supporting the living wage campaign will do loads more for our society than blaming people on welfare.

Underclass really?

But she is only 17 ? You are talking about the situation as if she has skived off work for 20 years or more. I might have missed how pregnant she is but she is either in the period or heading towards the period equivalent to maternity leave. Surely you would be better off supporting her emotionally and trying to show her that working is a good example for the baby? You do come across as very judgemental given that her boyfriend and father do work even though they may not be doing the greatest job of it. Help her break the cycle.

I find it sad that there are young girls out there who have no greater aspiration in life than having babies and getting a council house. Walk round any shopping centre during a weekday in a poor area and you will see what I mean.

Anyway, why is it so shocking that some families stay on welfare for generations? Surely it's not a surprise to anyone that any nonsense anyone has in them they are likely to have inherited from their family. The people who are most likely to fuck us up are our own dear families.

And she is 17, fgs! She's a baby. With her whole life ahead of her. Having a baby at 17 is not the end of the line.

AutumnMadness has written what I wanted to say, only much better and more eloquently put!

It's the fault of the whole system, going back decades. Not the fault of a young woman whose whole life is entrenched in that system, with no personal inspiration to see any further.

I hope it's a positive thing, I really do. And I'm obviously not voicing any of this in real life.

Underclass was a bad choice of word but I didn't know how else to describe it?

I have been a single parent, I have been on benefits, I am grateful every day that we live in a society that takes care of those who can't support themselves.

But I am gutted that despite all the opportunities she had to change her life (she did have a good education and a supportive family around her because we all made sure she did) she has chosen this life instead.

The pregnancy was planned. It was planned so they could get a house of their own and access benefits. We have gone wrong as a society when people see that as a better option than supporting themselves.

I don't know what the answer is though.

I have a family member that was in drugs and got pregnant at 15. She turned her life around 15 years later and is now in a reputable and well paying field.

Don't write off a teenager just starting out as a loss. She's still young and still has many years to live and figure out what to do.

Mrs dv that's why I put 'long term sick' in quotes. He's on jsa but says to everyone that he can't possibly work because of his past injury.

I still wouldn't want this for my daughters. No way.

OP, give the girl a break and go help her with her life, instead of venting in a forum. She is 17, and sounds like she needs guidance, not judgement.

So what would you prefer? She gets no assistance and no housing? You don't want your tax money keeping her pregnant and off the streets and fed do you. What a waste. Maybe the amount spent on wars should be increased.

You think that's not true? She told me herself.

Think it's sad for the girl that she hasn't had the opportunity to travel and do a bit of living before settling down with a baby, but I'd keep that opinion to myself in real life as she might be happier than anyone

We all have to live our own life at the end of the day

Yeah like a 17yr old would say, "I never never intend to work in my life".

If she did, it was probably to wind you up OP and it's worked

Also, she's not homeless. She's voluntarily left home (with a letter of eviction from her Dad) and moved into b&b so she is higher up the list for a house. Because that's what you do. You get pregnant and then they give you a house. That's all she knows.

Yanbu op, I fully agree with you and formerbabe.

I too would be devastated if she were my child. However her circumstances growing up could be the very reason she sees this as a normal lifestyle. It is a wasted life if all teenagers aspire to is getting pregnant young, living and struggling to get by, want to be sahm forever and absolutely no ambition in life.
Could you reach out to her, would she be open to some guidance?

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