I am so angry and sad about this teenage pregnancy.

[ShockingBadHat]

A member of my extended family is pregnant. She's 17. She hasn't worked since leaving school and doesn't intend to ever. The boyfriend is older and 'on the sick' long term with a minor injury (think sprained wrist and you'd be on the right lines).

Her parents separated after she was born and she was removed from her mother by ss so lived with her father. They were recently moved to a brand new house by the HA. He pays very little rent as he keeps his wage from self employment low so he can claim HB.

She has now left the house and moved into a council B and B and is waiting for a HA house for herself, the boyfriend and the upcoming baby.

Her mother has never worked. Her father works very part time and claims full tax credits etc.

So this baby will be at least the third generation of this family to be born to parents who are completely reliant on the state BY CHOICE.

I am struggling with this so much, it's making me reevaluate all my left leaning, pro welfare principles.

How have we ended up with an entire underclass with such complete poverty of aspiration? How can we address it?

Aibu to feel so angry and sad about this? What a waste of a life.

[JustSpeakSense]

I agree with you OP & feel your frustration! But I also agree with the poster who said 'The welfare state is a vital part of calling yourself a civilised society.' Doesn't make it any easier to see people making a career off living off the state, though. But at least that little baby will be housed, fed and receive medical care & education (more than most children in this world) who knows, maybe thus generation will be the one that breaks the cycle.

[Singsongmama]

YANBU

I think people are confused - the op is not bashing benefits or young pregnancy - she is talking about choice.... The choice to actively seek out a life taking from the state and not contributing in return.

Also, it's my opinion but surely if you plan a pregnancy, you should be in a position to support yourself before bringing another human into the world. I'm not talking about being married to Prince Charming, owning a palace and rolling in wealth but surely you want your baby to be born into a stable situation.

Now for the poster who said that she is a product of her upbringing - utter piffle. Your future is what you choose it to be. I have a friend who grew up in council flats in Glasgow, her parent lived hand to mouth and she didn't know anyone in her family who had gone to uni. She stuck in at school, went to uni and she is now a professional job with her own house. That was her choice.

[PacificDogwood]

AutumnMadness, but that's the point: here's a 17 yo who see as her best way forward a life with a BF, a baby and a house provided for her.

I am not saying that is what's going to happen, but that is what she sees in her future.

She could aim for any number of other things that would give her more choice, more easily in the short to medium term with nothing but long-term advantages in the future.

Of course she has her life ahead of her, but yes, it is a hard road.

[AutumnMadness]

Singsongmama, statistics indicate that if you were born in poverty, you are likely to stay there. Your friend is an exception to the norm and is probably a rather special person.

Generally, the "rags to riches" stories are just fairy tales designed to shift the responsibility from the richest and the most advantaged onto the poorest and the most disadvantaged.

[FaFoutis]

YANBU
I feel the same way about a member of my family who made the same decision. She is in her 40s now and has never worked, her life looks grim to me. She is from a middle class background and has a good degree, the first pregnancy (she has 4dc) was just after she graduated.

I think that had the option to not work not been there for her she would have had a better life. This doesn't sit easily with my politics though - a welfare system is necessary for a civilsed country. It hasn't done her any favours though.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

She's voluntarily left home (with a letter of eviction from her Dad) and moved into b&b so she is higher up the list for a house

Loads of people do this. It is not a myth. I have met lots of women through baby groups/school etc that did just that to get a council property. If you don't believe it, I would cautiously suggest you are living in a middle class bubble with your eyes closed!

My nice class related bubble involves spending 2 days a week in the housing dept and 2 days a week in dealing with DWP across 3 counties.

Lots of people may try this but they are unlikely to have much success mainly down to the little matters of housing stock or the area having a issue with giving a LA house to a parent under 19

[AutumnMadness]

PacificDogwood, at 17 it's a bit early to be seeing anything very clearly. Her parents should be seeing things for her. Only they are clearly nowhere to be seen themselves.

Her road indeed is likely to be hard, with noone to show her the ropes.

[PacificDogwood]

I had no clue what to do with myself for the rest of my life (v frightening at the time), but had the benefit of a supportive family behind me.

I agree what she mainly needs, now more than ever, is support and guidance.

[PrettyPictures92]

Now for the poster who said that she is a product of her upbringing - utter piffle. Your future is what you choose it to be. that would be me, and you are incorrect. Many many people who are born into a life of poverty and neglect know no different. It becomes an endlessly repeating cycle and for many there is no way out. There are the lucky few who do manage to escape and make a better life for themselves but they are in the minority. For the majority the cycle will repeat itself until there finally becomes a point where they are offered enough help and support to change.

[PacificDogwood]

at 17, I mean.

I am beginning to figure it out I'm 48

[KatieKaye]

Poor girl, I feel very sorry for her because she's had a crappy life.

I hope that when her baby comes she is able to look at opportunities like college and can go on to become self-supporting. In the meantime, I'm glad that there is a support system in this country that means she will have a place to live when her baby is born. She is still very young, so please don't write her off yet. She's going to need a good support system.

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

I'm totally with you OP, people like this really wind me up. It's the feeling of entitlement shown. I mean, how many people on the average salary do you see with 5 kids compared to families on full benefits. Working families often stop because they can't afford more than 2 children. If you know that the state will provide more benefits and a bigger house then where is the incentive to stop breeding?

[PacificDogwood]

Scrambled

I think you have very much Not Got what the OP is trying to say.

"Breeding"? Really?!

[AutumnMadness]

I know when you stop breeding! When the kids become so numerous, they block the view of that massive flat screen telly with Sky for you.

[HelloItsMeFell]

I automatically feel a bit devastated for anyone who wants to go through with a pregnancy while they are still in their teens. Compared to all the other things they could be doing at that age it always seems like the most terrible, tragic waste of potential and opportunity to me. And let's face it, you are highly unlikely to be able to give your children the same stability and financial security at 17 and probably alone, as you could if you waited 10 years and tackled parenthood with a it of life experience and a good, solid, life partner by your side.

[HelloItsMeFell]

a bit of life experience

[notquiteruralbliss]

Gosh, some very um definite views here. The girl is 17. Lots of time to work out what she wants to do. Lots of 17yos are a bit clueless about what they want to do later. And there are options. A 6th form college I visited recently with one of my DCs had a subsidised crèche for students with children.

[AutumnMadness]

HelloItsMeFell, I agree that having a baby in your teens is not the best idea. But in a decent civilised society it should not be blocking anyone from a good future. If quality childcare was freely available, there would be much fewer barriers for young parents to continue their education and to work.

[fourwoodenchairs]

OP, I do agree with you to a certain extent. However, this may be the making of her like it was me, so please don't judge too harshly. Mistakes are made by everybody.

[confusedandemployed]

I appreciate that to appear judgy on MN is tantamount to eating your children but come on!! The OP has given the mother's background and very clearly drawn the link between that and her current circumstances. I think she makes the point that there are, indeed, people who have absolutely no ambition above getting pregnant and getting themselves a council house and we, as a society, have enabled this. And it's very clearly something to be both angry and sad about.
And before you ask, I am a socialist and a keen supporter of the welfare state. It doesn't change the fact that there are some unfortunate side effects though.
OP YA very definitely NBU.

[Catsarebastards]

So this baby will be at least the third generation of this family to be born to parents who are completely reliant on the state BY CHOICE.

Second generation. Unless the 17YO's parents were both born to parents reliant on the state through choice?