I am so angry and sad about this teenage pregnancy.

[ShockingBadHat]

A member of my extended family is pregnant. She's 17. She hasn't worked since leaving school and doesn't intend to ever. The boyfriend is older and 'on the sick' long term with a minor injury (think sprained wrist and you'd be on the right lines).

Her parents separated after she was born and she was removed from her mother by ss so lived with her father. They were recently moved to a brand new house by the HA. He pays very little rent as he keeps his wage from self employment low so he can claim HB.

She has now left the house and moved into a council B and B and is waiting for a HA house for herself, the boyfriend and the upcoming baby.

Her mother has never worked. Her father works very part time and claims full tax credits etc.

So this baby will be at least the third generation of this family to be born to parents who are completely reliant on the state BY CHOICE.

I am struggling with this so much, it's making me reevaluate all my left leaning, pro welfare principles.

How have we ended up with an entire underclass with such complete poverty of aspiration? How can we address it?

Aibu to feel so angry and sad about this? What a waste of a life.

[ShockingBadHat]

Sorry the ? Was at stickem.

[SophiaPetrillo]

You're over-egging it now love, are we all supposed to go frothing berserker a la the Daily Mail sidebar of shame to suit your agenda. Not gonna happen, go and try out your creative tabloid journalism elsewhere please.

[AutumnMadness]

Thanks, RightyTightyLeftyLoosey. I try.

ShockingBadHat, what you said about this girl's background in your first post really does not make it sound like she had many good opportunities in her life. Not the kind of opportunities that would inspire the confidence of getting into massive debt to finance university or the kind of confidence required for the belief that one can rise to a decent standard of living and dignity from a minimum wage job. In the situation of the girl in question, this would require real bravery. The kind of many with actually good opportunities also do not have.

[MiddletonPink]

I understand why you feel upset OP.

There's a tendency on MN to stick up for those who don't work, claim benefits, have numerous children.

I'm not speaking about people that genuinely can't work for whatever reason but those who have no intention.

I think it can be down to previous generations not working, learnt behaviour.

But don't write this young girl off. She may surprise you.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Oh wow yet another of the personally known by a mumsnetter that the actual benefit rules do not apply to

[PacificDogwood]

I agree that the 'poverty of ambition' is a huge problem.

I am not sure what any possible solution could look like though.

[ShockingBadHat]

Oh fgs I KNOW a baby doesn't mean a house. But that what she thinks.

I love how the usual lot on this thread are reading things I haven't said. I'm not bashing benefits or being a snob. I'm asking what can be done to change kids aspirations.

[Carriemac]

OP you are right, she had a choice and made a poor one. This is not what the welfare state was meant to support. Lifestyle choice not safety net

[PacificDogwood]

Good role models?

Giving them things to aspire to? You know: foreign travel, choices, control over where their lives are going.

Being there for her?

She's only be in her mid-30s when this baby is more of less independent and can still move on to do lots of amazing things.

[ShockingBadHat]

Thanks to those who have responded sensibly and understood what I was getting at.

I'm not making any of this up, although god I wish I was. I posted because she rang me asking for my cot for when she gets her house. It was the most depressing conversation I've ever had. I used to see her every day when she was a child and we tried to give her all the opportunities she didn't have at home, helped her with homework, took her on holidays, took her shopping for clothes, basically did what we could. And it wasn't enough to change her aspirations.

[R4roger]

it could be far worse,
she could be on drugs/prostitution.
perhaps the baby will be her life line, being a mother

[Babycham1979]

Like you, OP, I'm a socialist who's regularly horrified by the victims of a system that creates dependency and chronic poverty of aspiration for multiple generations. I don't know what the answer is, but I am certain that our current system fosters a culture of dependency and infantilises millions of citizens.

Ironically, many of our European neighbours have much tougher, contributory welfare regimes (ie you take out based on what you've paid in), yet british lefties like to think of them as socialist utopias. Sound social protection and support does NOT have to equal life-long handouts. Our system is broken, but no party has the courage to address it seriously.

[TheBogQueen]

Lots of people make terrible decisions at 17. You think you know it all. You think you are in love. You think everyone is just against you.

It's up to her really whether she decides to achieve more. She has made herself a long hard road.

You need to be a friend to her.

[R4roger]

did she intend to get pregnant op?

[AutumnMadness]

All this talk about "aspiration" winds me up. Really, what would an average 17-year old whose own father signed an eviction note for her aspire to? Should she aspire to be a violinist? Or perhaps a computer programmer? Or a doctor? Or is the aspiration more of a "zero-hour-contract-care-worker-fund-your-own-travel" kind? Does anyone aspire to this?

[ShockingBadHat]

I'm not totting up what they get? I don't care if they get eleventy million pounds and a goat. That's not at all my point. At no point have I said anything about begrudging benefits or being jealous but that's what always gets thrown around on any thread about benefits.

[formerbabe]

She's voluntarily left home (with a letter of eviction from her Dad) and moved into b&b so she is higher up the list for a house

Loads of people do this. It is not a myth. I have met lots of women through baby groups/school etc that did just that to get a council property. If you don't believe it, I would cautiously suggest you are living in a middle class bubble with your eyes closed!

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Are you equally angry about the millions of pounds that big business avoids paying through tax evasion?

[CPtart]

YANBU.
You have every right to be judgemental as a tax payer who is subsidising her life choices.

[ShockingBadHat]

Yes of course I'm angry about tax avoidance/evasion. Not really relevant to the thread though considering I am not resenting her claiming benefits, I am sad that she has chosen to claim them.

[ShockingBadHat]

The point about the boyfriend is that he aspires to be on long term sick. That is what he wants to do.

She said to me on the phone that he's not looking for a job, he's going to get signed off with his injury instead. He's been out of work for a year now.