I am so angry and sad about this teenage pregnancy.

[ShockingBadHat]

A member of my extended family is pregnant. She's 17. She hasn't worked since leaving school and doesn't intend to ever. The boyfriend is older and 'on the sick' long term with a minor injury (think sprained wrist and you'd be on the right lines).

Her parents separated after she was born and she was removed from her mother by ss so lived with her father. They were recently moved to a brand new house by the HA. He pays very little rent as he keeps his wage from self employment low so he can claim HB.

She has now left the house and moved into a council B and B and is waiting for a HA house for herself, the boyfriend and the upcoming baby.

Her mother has never worked. Her father works very part time and claims full tax credits etc.

So this baby will be at least the third generation of this family to be born to parents who are completely reliant on the state BY CHOICE.

I am struggling with this so much, it's making me reevaluate all my left leaning, pro welfare principles.

How have we ended up with an entire underclass with such complete poverty of aspiration? How can we address it?

Aibu to feel so angry and sad about this? What a waste of a life.

[PrettyPictures92]

Helloitsme You're talking out your arse. I had my dd at 17, was able to support her, me and her father, had our own private rented flat and she was born into a stable and loving family. We both worked our arses off and when my ds came along when I was 19 I was still working. Unfortunately things happened and me and their father are no longer together but I didn't miss out on anything by having a child at that age. I much preferred working, raising a family and having a normal life to what the majority of other teenagers were doing at that age in my area (getting drunk, taking drugs and getting into trouble with the police).

My two dc are healthy, happy, intelligent, polite and well raised. They have a normal life and up until I had to stop working start of this year they were well provided for. So feel devastated all you want, I feel damn proud and happy with both my children and myself.

[itsbetterthanabox]

She's going to be living off the state because at the age she is wouldn't be able to work and afford to look after a herself and a child. I'm confused what do you think would be better to have two homeless children? It's there for situations exactly like hers. She's in a difficult position and cannot support herself on her baby.

[Catsarebastards]

She's 17. She hasn't worked since leaving school

So she hasnt worked for what- a year?

[PrettyPictures92]

Oh, and me and dc father had been in a long term relationship too.

[Patrickstarisabadbellend]

I have seen a girl from school have a child every 5 years so she doesn't have to work. It's sad really because she's missing out on so much.

I don't know what she's going to do when they bring in universal credit in her area.

[Catsarebastards]

I'm angry and sad that all her potential has amounted to nothing

Its a baby- not a death sentence! She's probably got another 80 years of living to do.

[Sweetpea01]

I had my DS when I had only just turned 16.

I was with his father for a further 7 years (in which time we had DD, when I was 20)
He left school to get an apprenticeship. I aced my GCSEs when DS was six months old. Went onto A-Levels, then University (without a break, remained with my same age peer group) but left to have DD. I became a SAHM for a year. We were quite comfortable financially as by this point, ex had gained his qualifications was a properly paid employee.

At the end of that year we split, so I made the conscious choice to go on benefits. After a year on benefits I got a full time job as an Apprentice in my local council. Another two and a bit years later (I'm 25 now) I have a permanent specialised role in the council, work full time whilst both my children (now 9 & 4) go to school. We have quite a lovely life and don't struggle at all.

Ex lives down the road with his new partner and new baby, we get on very well. I have a lovely boyfriend who also works for the LA and will be moving in soon enough when we can move to a bigger place.


So yeah, I'm afraid I have to say a big up yours to all those who told me I had ruined my life and 'weren't my parents ashamed'.

BTW my parents were in their 30s when I was born and have always worked. In fact, I've known a lot of teenage parents over the years and the vast majority of them move on and away from benefits even if that is where they start off.

So, YABU OP, just mind your own business.

[Arlagirl]

I suppose an abortion is out of the question?

[Romeyroo]

I think the point is that if you grow up neglected, then one way of trying to deal with it is by having kids and creating a new family to love. I don't think it is more complicated than that.

[Catsarebastards]

compared to families on full benefits.

Ive asked before and never had an answer. Perhaps *scrambled knows, what are "full benefits"?

[emms1981]

This would annoy me too op, people sometimes need help as we have in the past but when people choose to live this way it pisses me off.
My dh lost his job and when he signed on he was put on housing benefit almost straight away but when he got a part time job and we had to apply again we were waiting months. Plus his wage from part time job getting up at 5am 6 mornings a week was less than when he was signing on.

[Catsarebastards]

I suppose an abortion is out of the question?

Why would that be OP's decision?

[Catsarebastards]

Oh well in that case i am truly rofling

[Arlagirl]

What's wrong with asking if the girl has considered an abortion?
Quite reasonable IMO.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Good for her! I would like to see a lot more people refusing to take poorly paid, insecure jobs where they get treated like shit. There is no benefit to wider society from people being forced to work in poundshops in exchange for benefits - quite the reverse.

[Catsarebastards]

What's wrong with asking if the girl has considered an abortion?
Quite reasonable IMO.

Thats not what you asked.

[Catsarebastards]

And even if you had, the fact that the girl rang OP asking for her cot seems to suggest that if the girl has considered abortion then her decision was not to have one. So your question, had it been asked, would have been pointless.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

If her mother has accepted the situation then you should.
It's none of your business,
Yes why indeed more critic for her. It's always the women who gets the blame!
And please do not judge single parents. Anyone can become a single parent. Having a dig about this girls parents splitting up. Lots of girls fall pregnant at a young age it's got bugger all to with being from a single parent family.
Would you have been posting on her had she came from a prosperous 2.4 family where mummy grown her own veg. I highly doubt it.