to ask people not to touch toddlers not related to them?

[evalyn]

Out yesterday with DGC. DGC walking, within grabbing distance, but not holding hands. Middle aged woman, 'Aah, gorgeous!', gently ruffles DGC's hair, smiles broadly at me. DGC shrinks away. I say to this woman, 'Yes, but you shouldn't touch, please.' Woman sniffs, nose in air, walks off in huff.

AIBU to think that even 2-year-olds have the right not to be touched at all, however affectionately, by strangers? And to be really annoyed that this woman thinks she has the right to ruffle my DGC's hair like that?

I may have looked up other posts by evalyn and they make fascinating reading

Don't they just!

Thank heavens Evalyn is in the minority.

Is she in the minority, or is it merely that the rest of us simpletons haven't grasped the concept of A Discussion?

I think we just aren't sufficiently intelligent to understand how much better the world would be if we would only agree to be bounds by her rules.

Perhaps if we checked the OED more frequently we could learn the error of our ways.

I'm very stupid and can't discuss things at all but I'm a fantastic kisser.

I welcome people talking to, and if they want to, ruffling my child's hair/giving them a little tickle on the tummy. My son has grown up to be a sociable, friendly little boy and I sure that is somewhat down to how many people he's met in his short life, and how people have reacted with him.

me too, SirC.

This thread was actually measured in contrast to the madly unhinged rants about dogs

My Ds (3) doesn't like being touched by strangers and that's fine. I wouldn't want to walk down the road having complete strangers touching me. If someone does touch his head I tell them nicely that he doesn't like being touched by someone he doesn't know. If they don't like it, well tough!

Op YANBU

I don't go around touching toddlers unless they are my mindees but if I did so far forget myself and ruffle a head and the mother replied like you MyIronLung I would honestly think you were very very odd.

Or the weekends spent having sex and eating bacon sandwiches Katie

Why MyIronLung it is likely that you will never encounter that person again but you feel the need to be rude to them rather then let it go, why?

How is it being rude asking a perfect stranger not to touch my child who doesn't like being touched? I didn't say that I would scream at them to get their fucking hands off my child, I said I would tell them nicely that my DS doesnt like being touched by people he doesn't know! I would never say it in an angry or rude way.
He may only be 3 but he doesn't like it, which is his right.

If a stranger decided to ruffle your hair or touch you in someway would you say something? I'm certain most people would, even if they were never going to see that person again!

I find your replies thebody and littlebear* quite odd and what I get from them is that you think if you're a child then you have no say over who touches you...

What is it that he doesn't like?

That should have been - what is it about being touched that he doesn't like?

Three-year olds are irascible. I wouldn't care if they didn't like having their head ruffled, I would never insult a friendly stranger in such a way.

Oh, I will also add that it's not me that minds, it's ds. I'm certainly not going to tell him that he has no say over who touches him.

And a head ruffle lasts what, two seconds? The toddler screeches and the stranger presumably is chastened? What is the point in telling them to stop?

Have you asked him what specifically he doesn't like about being touched (appropriately, obvs) by strangers? Do you think this is something he could be helped with?

OP, YANBU. For the reasons you posted and the ones Annie posted much earlier in the thread. No one has to just put up with being touched. Not even toddlers. It's the start of teaching children about consent, not having to kiss Aunty Vera if you don't want to, not being tickled if you don't want to play like that and not having strangers touch you if you don't welcome the touch.

OTOH, I'd probably not have said what you said OP, I'd probably have just smiled tightly and moved on. Life's too short.

myironlung They key word here is nicely. The op didn't say it nicely I think why she has been flamed.

Because ironlung the stranger has patted your son on the head. It's done, so why then tell them he doesn't like it. What purpose does it serve? Unless you think you'll encounter them again and want to tell them for the future.

DS is very sociable and friendly. Has lots of friends at pre school and is a very happy boy, but he is shy around people he doesn't know, doesn't like being touched by perfect strangers and he will get upset.

Again, it's not rude to say that you don't like something in a nice way. I normally just say that he's shy and doesn't like being touched by someone he doesn't know.
As far as I'm aware no one has been mortally offended by this and in the past the person (normally older people) have just bent down to his level and talked nicely to him (commenting on his hat/toy/ect) and DS has been quite happy to talk back to them in a friendly manner and will say/wave bye to them.

I'm quite shocked to be honest at the amount of people that seem to think it's ok to teach their children that they have no say over who touches them, and if they don't like it well tough shit! Suck it up, as we wouldn't want to offend anyone would we?!

If someone touches me in a way I don't like, whether that's my tummy ( when preg) or any other way, I'm sure as shit going to say something. Did I only get that right when I turned 18?

Encouraging children to interact with people around them, including strangers, helps them to become sociable and confident. That includes not freaking out if someone touches you, even if you don't happen to feel like having your hair ruffled just then.
I remember one time in the park's playground with my young DD. A little girl, about 6, was there with her dad. I asked her a couple of friendly questions, and she completely ignored me. Her dad then boasted to me that she would be safe from strangers because she would never talk to anyone who wasn't a family member. I couldn't help thinking what a cold, distrustful person she would probably grow up to be.