Page 5 | no ex dh you can't wear speedos, you've let yourself go

Hairtodaygonetomorrow · 22/11/2014 19:39

Because speedos are not socially acceptable attire we've just had the Olympics, did you not notice all the athletes swim in Speedo type shorts, so do all the men on Splash or whatever that diving show is called- and quite a few men at our local pool wear them. You can still see 'everything' if you choose to look once a pair of shorts is wet anyway, it is only when they are dry they show less!

AnyoneForTardis · 22/11/2014 19:40

I speak from experience. sounds similar to my ex.

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/11/2014 19:45

but he is not your ex Tardis and it is unreasonable to label him as such from such a small amount of information.

Johnogroats · 22/11/2014 19:46

Sorry OP I do think YABU. My dad was somewhat porky and in the 70s and 80s I went swimming with him. Not the best look, but hardly inappropriate. He has more self awareness now, and in France refused to go in the pool a couple of years ago. He was braver last year and good for him...he needs the exercise.

VenusRising · 23/11/2014 22:01

All this talk about the speedos etc is just a red herring.

The point is that this 8 year old girl is being humiliated in public by the revealing attire of her now overweight dad, and he hasn't changed into more concealing attire in order to accommodate her feelings.

That's the issue. He's the adult in this situation, he seems not to care about her feelings, and that's why he gets the blame.

She is part of a peer group who are teasing her on the basis of his clothing choice and new (out of condition) body shape.
How are his choices in this going to help her develop a positive and trusting relationship with him? It might even put her off swimming. These feelings will certainly be her take home memory of her dad forever.
A lose lose situation.

For those of you who are insisting that this is about the speedos, have a think about it.
This is not about the clothes or behaviour, but about how can an 8 yo trust an adult who denies her feelings. How can she have a relationship with him if he's so careless of her?
Lets not forget that we are primates, and appearance does matter, especially to 8 year olds, who are only learning how to be rational.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/11/2014 22:07

venus

where does the op say that he is aware of the teasing?

It would be a whole different thread if it was "DD has told ex that she is being teased about him wearing speedos, yet he refuses to wear anything else"

fluffling · 23/11/2014 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Calloh · 23/11/2014 22:25

Your ex should wear what he feels comfortable wearing to swim to think that it is anyone else's business is wrong and horrible. I've noticed more of the speedos around recently.

I remember people laughing at my dad's hat when I was a teenager. I still remember the shame that I felt that I didn't immediately jump in and tell them to shut up. This isn't going to put the DD off swimming.

Poor ex.

And as for the horror of the penis outline, haven't most children seen their parents naked, I expect an 8 year old girl is not even going to notice but even if she did why is she going to think any more on it then just that it's an outline of a penis.

riverboat1 · 23/11/2014 22:27

YABU. Better to teach her about why it's not nice to tease people about their bodies rather than try to tell him what he should wear.

WoodliceCollection · 23/11/2014 22:39

Venus, my daughter wants me to wear an Elsa from Frozen dress and multiple sparkly hairgrips on a daily basis. Do you think I am doing her terrible harm by wearing jeans instead? That's about the equivalent of what you're saying. Children need their parents to respect them, yes, but they don't need parents to comply with their every desire with regards to clothing or behaviour, because that is just daft. If the child in this case is being bullied, the solution is for the adults around her to confront the bullies, rather than change their behaviour to appease juvenile fashion police. My older daughter was aware of idiots mocking her dad's hair (afro style huge mop)- she was simply told that some people are unpleasant and stupid, and should be ignored, rather than her dad getting his head shaved to fit in to culture of the local area.

OP, I think you are being a bit ridiculous. I wish my daughter's dad could be arsed to take her swimming, but he doesn't. Do you think your daughter is going to look back on this time as 'OMG my dad wore an unfashionable swimming costume', or is she going to think 'My dad bothered to spend time with me and take me out'?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/11/2014 22:39

Venus... Do you realise that - if you're actually posting what you think and not a lot of goady twaddle - that you're exactly the sort of parent who produces the bullies that the OP's daughter is being teased by?

Perhaps have a think about that... and please, stop re-writing the OP's thread. Daughter has not spoken to her father about his swimwear. A decent mum would not allow a child to be disrespectful of her other parent and would check any such brattish behaviour.

crumblebumblebee · 23/11/2014 22:40

I, too, am rather perplexed as to how VenusRising is so confident in her assertions that the ex knows he is embarrassing the daughter and is ignoring his child's feelings. Assuming and then bleating on (and on!) about it makes you look very silly when you don't have all the facts.

If one of mine was embarrassed, I'd want to know. Perhaps he doesn't know and would modify accordingly. Very unfair to make assumptions about this bloke's parenting skills based on his choice of admittedly unattractive looking swim wear!

SurfsUp1 · 23/11/2014 23:06

Venus

PLEASE stop posting the same thing over and over when I has been pointed out to you that there is no basis for the claims you are making.

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange · 24/11/2014 01:39

I think your ex DH is lucky to be rid of a someone so shallow sazhamer

daisychain01 · 24/11/2014 02:22

The point is that this 8 year old girl is being humiliated in public by the revealing attire of her now overweight dad, and he hasn't changed into more concealing attire in order to accommodate her feelings

^
Give me strength

I just hope this thread is a joke. If not it's superficial and spiteful against a DF wanting to spend time with his DD. I swim 3 times a week - I see all shapes and sizes, I'd be amazed if the DD is being teased, people just get on with their swim and minding their sodding business

Bulbasaur · 24/11/2014 02:35

Venus, my daughter wants me to wear an Elsa from Frozen dress and multiple sparkly hairgrips on a daily basis. Do you think I am doing her terrible harm by wearing jeans instead?

I think you're personally losing out if you're choosing to wear jeans when you could dress like Elsa. I'd dress like Elsa if I could get away with it.

AuntieStella · 24/11/2014 06:34

"I'd be amazed if the DD is being teased, people just get on with their swim"

OP hasn't returned to the thread yet. People have been asking, since the very first replies, who has been teasing DD.

MrSheen · 24/11/2014 09:25

My dd would prefer it if I presented myself as a cross between the Duchess of Cambridge and Alexis Carrington. I prefer to look like myself.

MiuChoos · 24/11/2014 10:22

BTW he has let himself go and should not be wearing them.

Would it be acceptable if he said that about you in a bikini? Erm no, of course not. No difference here.
He should be able to wear what he likes.

aprilanne · 24/11/2014 11:00

lets be honest it was not that long ago that men all wore speedo,s in the pool .well 80.s anyway .my son,s school still insists on proper swim wear .they can have a leg if you like but they must be tight fitting lycra .because someone was once caught in the pool filter wearing baggy short,s .shorts are not swimwear speedo,s are .i am not exactly twig thin .does this mean i should not go to swimming with my son,s .it takes all kind,s to make a world

vienna1981 · 24/11/2014 11:19

Speedos aren't a fashion statement. They're designed for proper lane swimming so for serious swimmers they are entirely appropriate. They may look unflattering on many men, me included, but that's not the point.

Those oiks who are taking the piss need bringing into line.

Smurfnoff · 18/05/2016 00:13

Are you genuinely concerned about how your daughter feels - or is this just a convenient stick to beat your ex with? Think carefully before saying anything.

Frankly even if you do say something and your ex switches to baggy shorts, there's no guarantee the teasing will stop. Kids tease each other - wrong, but inevitable. What's to say it won't turn into 'Do you remember when Katy's dad wore Speedos and everyone laughed so much she cried and made him stop? Hahaha'?

Also, and this is something for your ex to ponder too, stopping wearing Speedos won't turn him into a six-packed hunk. A fat man in Speedos is still a fat man out of them. Kids can be nasty - what's to stop 'Katy's dad wears Speedos OMG ROFL!!' becoming 'Katy's dad is really fat hahaha!'? Do you really want to teach your daughter the lesson that if someone laughs at you, you should just behave exactly how they say you should until they stop?

One last thing to think about. If I had a partner who tried to tell me what to wear, I'd feel controlled and uncomfortable. If I had an ex who did it, I'd massively relieved we were over.

FaithlessOne · 18/05/2016 00:17

1.5 year old thread. She's probably over it by now

Smurfnoff · 18/05/2016 08:20

Who are you, the time police?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 18/05/2016 08:27

How did you even come across this? Were you advanced searching Speedos?!