no ex dh you can't wear speedos, you've let yourself go

[sazhamer]

Exdp takes dd 8 swimming regularly and all has been fine so far. Now I find out that she is being teased because he wears speedos to the pool. Aibu to think he should dress in a way that doesn't cause embarrassment? BTW he has let himself go and should not be wearing them.

venusrising the OP has made ONE post - I don't see anywhere in that short post that their DD has requested that her Dad stop wearing speedos - what are you reading to think that?

You have said He's refusing to do something his dd has asked him to do as she's being teased about his behaviour. Easy to see why this knob end is an X Can you show me where OP has said this?

I don't know Shatners.
I'm just expressing an opinion where I have one.
I have no opinion on womens genitals in a swimming costume.

YABU. He's wearing swimwear for swimming in.
Your dd should not be being teased, that needs to be addressed. The "let himself go" comments suggest that you aren't that different from the people teasing her though.

Bodies. Urgh! Who's have one!

Seriously, swimming is a GOOD thing to do with our kids. I wish we didn't have so many hang ups about our bodies

Just because he has the right to wear a speedo, doesn't mean he should wear a speedo.

No one wants to see what size grapes he's smuggling in no matter what size he is. Unless he's Liam Hemsworth no man should be wearing a speedo.

The different between a woman wearing a bikini and a fat man wearing a speedo is that women have padding on their tops so you don't see their nipples, men do not have padding so you can't see whether they're a grower or a shower.

...and... women really don't have camel toes in their swim suits regularly so that's not even a comparison.

Yabu. Imagine if he started a similar thread about you. 'No exw, you can't wear a bicini. You have let yourself go'. We'd all think he was a git.

Bikini

Has anyone here actually tried swimming in the baggy board shorts favoured by the more portly gentleman? If OP's ex is actually swimming as opposed to gently bobbing around then I can see why he'd prefer Speedos.

Imagine if he started a similar thread about you. 'No exw, you can't wear a bicini. You have let yourself go'. We'd all think he was a git.

If he made a similar thread on a men's board, they'd all agree with him.

A lot of people seem to be assuming the Ex is persisting in wearing speedos because he still thinks he's hot, or us an exhibitionist, but perhaps he hasn't given it a second thought, and they're just a pool 'uniform' to him?

In French public swimming pools, men have to wear tight, Speedo-style trunks on hygiene grounds, whatever their age or body shape, and i tend to think of them in those terms, just what you wear in pools if you're male.

I'm not convinced a standard bikini is the female equivalent of men's speedos. Speedos are the object of derision and laughter. I'd say the closest female equivalent would be a thong bikini

Not inapproriate. How unkind

At least he's taking dd swimming.

Oh, no, that's horrible. Your poor DH. Even if you sympathize with your DD, he's going to feel awful if you say that to him. You really can't.

While budgie smugglers may be the thing, according to some, on the continent,there is nothing to point us to the exh or op being continental Europeans.
If he is British I don't think budgie smugglers are the norm,nor do I think most family men haven't heard the reactions they provoke.
As a pp said,just because he has the right to wear them,doesn't mean he has to.
Get his Mum to buy him something more suitable fir Christmas,before this puts your dd off swimming with her dad.

Goady, goady McGoady thread..

Try a week in France. We found out to our horror (and expense) that France is all speedo. No shorts allowed. All v strange!

Well, I must say you all seem to be quite tough on your kids- they take the brunt of your devil may care, entrenched attitudes.

I would never insist in wearing something my dcs asked me not to. Why would I? They have to live with the decisions we make as a family- they don't just follow along in my blaze trailing, right-on wake like cardboard cut outs going up in flames. They have lives and feelings and opinions as valid as my own. If they think black from top to toe is too much they'll tell me, and rightly, and I'll change into something a little less funereal to accommodate them.
No man is an island.

I think this 8 year old will remember her dad's speedos, and the teasing she got because of them long after he's gone, and long after she's grown up. This is what memories are made of.

If he's too bull headed to change into something that would suit him better and make him look less ridiculous to facilitate her, he's a bird brain. (I'm assuming the OP's DD has asked him)

It might even put her off swimming.. Or him.
That's a lose lose situation, and all because, yes, he shouldn't have to change his swimwear, he's entitled to wear what he likes, yes, she shouldn't be teased, yes, he should be able to wear tight and revealing swim attire to a children's class, even though he's "let himself go", and maybe it's not appropriate.
Sure all those things are true, but she'll remember every cringe-y moment of her swim lessons, the teasing, and how her dad put himself first, and wouldn't change into something a little less conspicuous.

I don't think his head's on straight, and he's missing the big picture.

So, the message is we're not supposed to have body image hangups because they're unhealthy right?

Unless you're a male ex, spending time with your daughter in a healthy and wholesome activity, in which case you should go to any lengths necessary to disguise the fact that you're a man, especially so if you've "let yourself go".

The hypocrisy and double standards here are truly staggering.

VenusRising Agreed. You as an adult may not care what people think, but children operate differently. This is just as silly as telling children that bullies are jealous, that appearance doesn't matter, and other empty platitudes. The truth is, appearances do matter.

Embarrassing your children is fun when done in a playful way. Singing in public to make them cringe is fine, and fun for both because there is no lasting effect.

But when you're seriously embarrassing your child and they're getting backlash it's time to take their feelings into consideration too. No adult would be going out with another adult that seriously made them feel humiliated just being with them. You can't just tell a child to not care, they don't operate like that. Fitting in is an important part of their childhood. Bullying has lasting effects, and you don't want her to be remembered as the girl who's dad kept showing the other swimmers his sausage.

Venus
Everyone keeps asking you where you got the idea that the daughter has even mentioned this to her father.
Why do you assume he even knows that it's an issue for his daughter?

WTF? He's wearing swimming trunks to the pool big fucking deal.

If it wasn't swimming trunks she'd be embarrassed by something else he was wearing. Or she'd get teased about his choice of car - would he have to by a new car to fit in with her peers? By fuck would he.

I intend to wear a snazzy dress to an event tonight. DD doesn't like it. Tough.

YABU, he is dressing appropriately.

FrauHelga makes a good point. When does the changing so that the child isn't embarrass stop? First its speedos, then cars, then house?

Sorry but how is he dressing appropriatly? It's different to everyone else and she's not doing any competitive races