no ex dh you can't wear speedos, you've let yourself go

[sazhamer]

Exdp takes dd 8 swimming regularly and all has been fine so far. Now I find out that she is being teased because he wears speedos to the pool. Aibu to think he should dress in a way that doesn't cause embarrassment? BTW he has let himself go and should not be wearing them.

Swimming trunks to the swimming pool is not inappropriate.

It's no different to bikini instead of a costume.

Sorry but how is he dressing appropriatly?

He's wearing swimwear to go swimming. That's appropriate.

DD is 16. When she was 12 some fucking bastard drove into the side of my car and drove away. I came back hours later, big stove in the rear door.

DD was embarrassed. My car was different to all her friends. I couldn't afford to fix it, so I drove it with the dent. Didn't bother me, but by heck it bothered her.

Should I have been forced to change my car so as to fit in with her peers?

Or even more aposite -

I am old and fat. DDs friends mother's aren't. I wear my all in one swimming cozzie to go swimming but it shows my belly. Should I have to wear a burkini or a tankini with a skirt to hide my fat belly, because, you know, I've let myself go or can I wear my costume?

What Shatners said.

Although I feel embarrassed for you that she had to give you that painstakingly obvious answer.

Seriously, what if this thread was posted from the POV of my ex and it was something like

"AIBU no ex wife you can't wear that swimming costume you've let yourself go. Ex wife takes dd 8 swimming regularly and all has been fine so far. Now I find out that she is being teased because my ex sife wears a tight costume to the pool and you can see her fat belly. Aibu to think she should dress in a way that doesn't cause embarrassment? BTW she has let herself go and should not be wearing this sort of costume."

I still want to know who is teasing her? We rarely bump into people we know at public sessions.

Slighty extending the topic, but how do younger boys fit into this? Many of them wear speedos for swimming and diving- the same comments re. Budgie smugglers and chorizo stuffed into a whoopee cushion apply. In most cases a lined speedo you can't see that much detail anyway. I've seen girls in unlined, pale costumes where you can clearly see anatomical detail.

I hope you'd all agree it would be entirely wrong if this thread had been about someone's ds- my daughters schoolmates saw him swim training and are teasing her....

Grown women making these comments on men, what message does it send boys. The hit puberty and want to back in swimming club because they are ashamed to wear speedo's

It's the human body. Get over yourselves.

I think that he is your ex, you cannot dictate what he wears, but... DD still has a relationship with his dad, so, if she is that bothered, she can either suggest he gets a different swim attire or do things that do not involve having his dad wearing what is possibly, the same speedo he had when he was younger.

Personally, I think that we are being too harsh with men that have "let themselves go". Swimming pools are full with middle aged (and ancient) women in bikinis, who do not have the weight, skin or muscles to look right in them, and nobody bats an eyelid.

I think you need to have a serious think about your attitude to your ex, OP. It's not good enough to encourage your daughter to see her father in this belittling manner. She needs to show him some respect, but while you encourage this disdainful attitude, she won't learn that.

VenusRising

Why are you so intent on blaming the ex?

What! Men have external genitalia that is not always completely inconspicuous? OMG!

YANBU but only because it is embarrassing his daughter. Though I do not think it should not be said near your daughter and it should be said without your daughter knowing you spoke to ex about it. Can you also say kind words to daughter about how everyone should be free to wear what they want (within reason!)?

Fgs! Women wear bikinis which show the exact shape of their breasts! Why can't a man wear speedos!?

If the teenager/twentysomething boys/men at my dcs swimming club are anything to go by then the speedo is back. Until about 18 months ago nobody had them, now I would say around 10-20% of the older boys have them.

DD1 hates my hair. I'm not changing it.

Fgs! Women wear bikinis which show the exact shape of their breasts! Why can't a man wear speedos!?

Because speedos leave nothing to the imagination and that's his daughter who can see the shape of his dick. That alone should be enough.

But if you need more reasons...

Because bikinis have pads so you don't see the nipples.

Because bikinis don't show the contours of the vulva (and if they do, you can fix it by pulling it out)

Because men do not generally show the contours of their penis in every day life. Women's breast shapes are socially acceptable to be seen since you see their shape with even a modest shirt on.

Because speedos are not socially acceptable attire, while bikinis are. Whether you like it or not, it is more acceptable in society to see the shape of a woman's breasts than the shape of a man's penis.

These are all valid reasons, you may take your pick.

Honestly, just talk to ex quietly about it. It's not so hard to wear swim trunks instead of a speedo to the pool. If a mother was wearing those tiny triangles with a thong bikini bottom, I'd be saying they should cover up a bit for their child too.

Seems reasonable enough to me, OP. Well, as long as you have the body of Keira Knightly or that you never wear a bikini.

Your attitude is quite unpleasant. I think he's well shot of that relationship.

bulbasaur

you seem to be overlooking that it is the "teasing" that is causing the embarrassment.

As a side issue, why are speedos considered more hygienic than shorts in France?
I think the OP's ex dh should be allowed to wear whatever he wishes, as long as it's legally decent.
I'm reminded of that pop song "I'm sexy and I know it....wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle..."

Speedos are just unfashionable - not inappropriate.

When I was a girl in the 60s and 70s, that's what men wore. Including my Dad. I don't recall even looking. It's only been in the last couple or so decades that massive swim shorts have taken over.

I can't believe the hysteria about seeing the outline of a man's penis. What a load of pearl-clutching!

I rediscovered speedos when I could not find some swim shorts and, what a revelation, you actually did not have to be dripping wet for ages after getting out of the pool.

Speedos are not really that revealing unless they are super tight, and most civilised people don't stare at the crotch area. At the end of the day, if the genders were reversed, there would be a lot of talk about perves crotch staring.

Now (you lot will be relieved to know) they have invented quick dry swim shorts so I will no longer be embarrassing my family or (shock, horror) 'exposing' myself.

As for the OP's daughter being embarrassed, she needs to get over herself. It is not a parent's job to dress to please their children unless they want to bring up overentitled nightmare children.

Hatespiders - I believe the thinking is that if shorts were to be allowed, men would just jump into the pool in shorts they've been wearing all day. Mandating speedos means it's much more likely that they'll get changed (perhaps even showered) beforehand.

the worst mens clothes are:

speedos (on ANY body, Olympic swimmer or not).

cycling shorts -its all about the bulge!

running shorts-all wobbling from one side to the other....

light grey jogging trousers- all wobbling about (its hard not to look!)

y-fronts

pJ trousers with a large gaping fly on them- ewwwww.

string vests -Rab C nesbitt anyone? .

seriously OP maybe DD can suggest shorts or something? or not listen to the teasing, its not fair on her no, but hes not going to listen is he?

Bulbusaur agree with you.

Tardis

"but hes not going to listen is he?"

How do you know this?
We don't even know if he has been told about the teasing.