To wonder why how you feed your baby is such an emotive subject?

[Absofrigginlootly]

Currently 3&1/2 weeks into BF my pfb/DD

Have had no end of feeding issues due to tongue tie, poor latch, constant cluster feeding, fractious baby and no sleep (alongside fertility issues, anxious pregnancy and very traumatic delivery)....

At my best moments I am feeling proud of the fact I've kept going so far. DD is putting on weight beautifully and following her centile line exactly. Lots of the daytime she seems happy and content.

At my worst (desperate!) moments (usually 3am when DD has been cluster feeding for hours and is being very fractious and i feel completely EXHAUSTED!) I think about all the advantages of FF (namely being able to share the feeds and have some physical/mental space from her for a while)......

But what stops me?! .....Guilt? Obligation? Self pressure? Desire to do what's deemed "right" or "best" for her?! Reading some of the feeding pages where people talk about expressing off pure blood etc (!) but still keeping going BF part of me reads it and thinks "gosh, why put yourself through it?!" ....but then I'm doing the same! Why.....? I don't know really if I'm honest.

What are your thoughts? Why do women persist despite the difficulties? Societal pressure? Guilt/obligation? And if you decided to FF, how did that make you feel? We're you fine with your decision?

Ps....please don't let this turn into a "breast is best"/ BF vs FF bunfight.....I am just genuinely interested to hear your thoughts, mainly as it may help me understand my own feelings that aim currently struggling with

Thanks :)

but breast is usually best is a way from breast is best. It wasn't best for many of us.

Broccoli is better than baked beans, water is better than juice. playing football is better than watching telly but few of us are perfect.

Balance and common sense is best of all. But when you've just had a baby both are lacking.

I really don't take very well to the idea ( misogyny central) that I was lacking in common sense after the birth of my children - to the contrary I has total clarity and balance and knew what was the best thing for my babies

Bully for you - I bet you shit glitter too

(Awaits deletion)

I think (as with most decisions) you have to weigh up all things going in at time and seek out best option. If that is BF great if not great.

If your mental well being it is extremely important for you to continue even when very hard - great.
If for the health of the baby OR the mother it is better to FF - so be it.

Surely that is ALL that is important

I also felt a feeling of immense clarity following civilised birth of dd....I still knew Ff was the way forward for us....it's bloody amazing stuff if I'm honest.

Each to their own....

I think 'feeling proud' though about feeding your baby is a bit???? And feeling smug about it is also.

I think it's fine to feel proud about it to be honest....we are all entitled to feel pride over watching our babies enjoy their feeds and thrive.

Not read it all, but I agree with 70 I never understood why people congratulated me on having bf - it's just a way of feeding a baby. Getting up in the middle of the night to make up a bottle sounds even more worthy of congratulations!

Nope didnt shit glitter
Snipe away i dont give shiny [arf] shit !

^You pressured your friend to stop breastfeeding because you thought it was best for her?

What happened to being kind and supportive and allowing people to make important decisions for themselves?^

Minifingers. Wow - you know my relationship of my best friend of 35 years, and what she went through after her DC2 was born, better than I do!! That's impressive.

Being kind and supportive was exactly what I was doing.

But you said you pressured her into stopping breastfeeding.

When is it ever right to pressure someone into a feeding decision?

"I think 'feeling proud' though about feeding your baby is a bit???? And feeling smug about it is also."

Given the almost universal (judging by this thread) view that breastfeeding is only worthwhile if it's easy, I think someone who keeps going with difficult breastfeeding because they think it's the right thing to do is up against it, and I admire them to keep going.

My two pence worth; it wasn't emotive for me until I started breastfeeding. Prior to that, while pregnant, I knew I wanted to try it. Didn't expect it to be so difficult to start with. It got easier after tongue tie snipped at 2 weeks old. Didn't realise that it is a big commitment, potentially for a long time too, eggs, cluster feeding at the beginning and nights out or lack of, later on.
However, the emotive part for me is now at 12 months on, still going, and it feels incredibly rewarding, bonding and now more emotive than ever. Can't see myself stopping until she wants to.

I don't think I would be feeling that over formula feeding though of course I don't know.

Don't know why the random "eggs" appeared in that, but the rest stands!

"but breast is usually best is a way from breast is best. It wasn't best for many of us."

Whether you believe breastfeeding is 'best' seems to be more influenced by

• your nationality
• your education
• your age
• your social class
• your ethnicity

than anything to do with the intrinsic experience of breastfeeding itself.

"Broccoli is better than baked beans, water is better than juice. playing football is better than watching telly but few of us are perfect."

Breastfeeding isn't an 'ideal' - it's the biologically normal way to feed a baby. The drama, the angst about feeding choices, the idealising and at the same time the trivialising of breastfeeding, 'mummy wars' and all that shit is only a feature of cultures where formula is cheap and is the socially acceptable way to feed babies (as it is here, despite all the NHS bleating about breastfeeding), and where women need to create narratives to justify their feeding choices.

What's the phrase? 'Fish can't see the water'.

No Mini - you said I pressured her. Clearly in your mind I frog-marched her to the formula tin, and then pinned her to the sofa, to feed her baby.

Let's just say, it wasn't like that. She'd breast-fed her baby for 4 months, developed mastitis in the early days, been on ABs continually as well as in and out of hospital to unsuccessfully treat it, was in pain, and descended into PND. Knowing her for decades as I do, I knew she just wanted someone who loved her to give her permission, so to speak, to give up breast feeding as a bad lot.

The turn-around after she gave up was miraculous. Except it wasn't - it was just what we all knew would happen. She emerged from the blackness, the mastitis finally disappeared, and began to enjoy her wonderful little boy. And her daughter got her Mum back.

Again, I breast-fed both my two DC for over a year apiece. I firmly believe in the benefits of breast feeding, and teetered on the edge of PND myself, in my efforts to do it. I understood what she was going through (and that's without having to deal with the physical pain of unrelenting mastitis).

Breast is best. Except for when it isn't.

I don't quite understand why I'm debating this with you. Maybe you need a crash course in empathy, and of the fact that the world isn't always black and white...?

I'm a long term breast feeder. Been feeding for 3.5 years (2 children both born by elcs) I struggled like hell to feed with my eldest she lost 12% of her birth weight by day 3 all very stressful. But I was determined to keep going cause it's what I wanted even though it was bloody hard. I knew that it was eventually going to be the easy option and couldn't be arsed with sterilising. My youngest seemed to just breastfeed from the moment she was born with no issues. She's now 11 months. I doubt I'll stop feeding her anytime soon unless she decides no self wean. Sometimes though I would like to have myself back and not feel so hormonal but I know when that day comes I will be so upset it's over. I don't know much about FF tbh

After 4 mths it was a synch (luckily for me) and probably easier (and cheaper ) than ff so it wasn't anything like martyrdom of external pressure to bf, I wanted to and still do - it was just the few first months but it wasn't always awful just the growth spurts. Infact it made coping with illnesses easier eg tummy bug at 9mo was bad but he kept down bm so it didn't impact him too much.

Minifingers I've said it before and I will say it again. You do far more harm than good with your sweeping statements and horrible hurtful comments. You don't know any of our personal situations or stories in detail. Maybe if people like you took a bit more time to listen, understand and support, then maybe fewer of us would fail. And those who did might spend less time agonising over it.

Ha ha! Justmarriedbecca....I too am breast feeding to fund my cake habit :)

Funnily enough, I find I get more crap from people because I exclusively bf. I've never judged anyone for the choice they make on how they feed their babies but I seem to get a lot of 'oh you're just breast feeding? Why are you being so hard on yourself?!'

People will always have opinions on this, what works for one, doesn't for someone else and if you're happy breast feeding and you're not feeling guilted or pressured into doing it, then do it. I personally love the fact that it's free and easy and I get to cuddle my bubs all the time - we had a rocky start with tongue tie but I'm glad I persevered. Do what feels right!

NOTHING on this earth would have persuaded me that FF was better for my babies

A friend had to stop BFing her 2 year old because the child had a very rare genetic disease that meant they couldn't digest all the components of breastmilk. She found it heartrending to have to stop BFing her sick child who desperately wanted the comfort of a BF but she obviously had no choice.

Of course that is a very rare situation. I had the opposite situation when I discovered my 6 month old had a dairy allergy when we introduced cheese into his diet, I was so glad that I'd BF and so had spared him weeks or months of discomfort. And very glad that now he's 2 I still don't have to worry about his diet because he still BFs to make up for the deficiencies in his solid diet.

Breastfeeding was only briefly emotive for me, when my ds was

Hi all! Thank you for your replies...very thought provoking!

For my own side of it I think deep down the main reason I have persevered so far through the difficult last 3 1/2 weeks (difficult due to very traumatic delivery, tongue tie/latching problems, constant cluster feeding) is because I deep down, simply want to BF. I am a nurse, I know the health benefits of BF. Have lots of friends who have exclusively BF for 6-12+ months so part of me thinks "well if they can do it, why can't i?!". I am just hanging on in there waiting for it to get better....as people always say that BF is 'front loaded' in terms of effort etc. and I guess that, yes, I would also feel guilty about not BF....like someone said up thread something about feeling like i have 'failed' to put in the effort/make the required sacrifices or something...

(Although I am also acutely aware that in a few years or so I won't really care how DD has been fed because life will have moved on and it won't be such an all consuming issue. Plus like many have said, it's not like FF is poison or anything!!!! When you walk down the street you can't exactly tell who has been BF or FF can you?!)

Ps, to the poster who said why be 'proud' of BF?.... Well I'm afraid I do feel proud of myself at times for keeping going. Not because I'm smug or think myself superior to FF mums. Just because when you push yourself through something hard because you want to keep going it gives you a since of pride/achievement. The same as studying hard for an exam and getting a good mark, or training for and running a marathon etc.