To wonder why how you feed your baby is such an emotive subject?

[Absofrigginlootly]

Currently 3&1/2 weeks into BF my pfb/DD

Have had no end of feeding issues due to tongue tie, poor latch, constant cluster feeding, fractious baby and no sleep (alongside fertility issues, anxious pregnancy and very traumatic delivery)....

At my best moments I am feeling proud of the fact I've kept going so far. DD is putting on weight beautifully and following her centile line exactly. Lots of the daytime she seems happy and content.

At my worst (desperate!) moments (usually 3am when DD has been cluster feeding for hours and is being very fractious and i feel completely EXHAUSTED!) I think about all the advantages of FF (namely being able to share the feeds and have some physical/mental space from her for a while)......

But what stops me?! .....Guilt? Obligation? Self pressure? Desire to do what's deemed "right" or "best" for her?! Reading some of the feeding pages where people talk about expressing off pure blood etc (!) but still keeping going BF part of me reads it and thinks "gosh, why put yourself through it?!" ....but then I'm doing the same! Why.....? I don't know really if I'm honest.

What are your thoughts? Why do women persist despite the difficulties? Societal pressure? Guilt/obligation? And if you decided to FF, how did that make you feel? We're you fine with your decision?

Ps....please don't let this turn into a "breast is best"/ BF vs FF bunfight.....I am just genuinely interested to hear your thoughts, mainly as it may help me understand my own feelings that aim currently struggling with

Thanks :)

I've seen 2 quotes on this thread stating link between ff and SIDS....

I haven't read about this for years but is there new evidence supporting??

If you follow guidelines and hygiene you are statistically extremely unlikely to have your baby admitted to hospital even before you take into account the thousands of bottles each baby consumes.

My baby was admitted from bfing,we can over inflate the stats for that if you like.

Mini that was a tongue in cheek comment about the "evils" of formula feeding. I'm not trying to polarise opinion on anything because I have no agenda. I breastfeed and I use formula (shrug)

The point I'm trying to make (and the point of this thread) is that there would be less guilt in seeking alternative methods of feeding a baby, if new mothers were given all the information about what to expect when starting out with nursing, and lets be honest, these are pretty guaranteed steps with nursing in the early days. They are not "pitfalls", they are just "what to expect" but most new mum's don't know this. An informed decision is an empowered decision and one you can rely on more readily if you do decide to switch from breast to bottle and are plagued by those god-awful hormones.

I'm not going to get into a debate on any medical findings surrounding formula feeding because a) I haven't read any; and b) if it came down to post-natal depression, 2 hours sleep in 4 days, pain, tears and the inability to enjoy my newborn because I had no idea what I was doing in trying to feed my baby, I wouldn't even think twice about giving formula, no matter any medical findings to the negative.

I think it's emotive because having a young baby is an emotive time. Of course you want to do your best and with one that young feeding however it's done is a big part of being a mum.

and petits my dd was admitted to hospital because of breastfeeding too. I am always about the ff babies apparently filling the wards.

Did op ever pop back?

I think it is because when you have a newborn you feel so vulnerable, and everyone is telling you what to do and what not to do and you are scared of getting it all wrong. We don't have a nurturing, supportive environment in which women can learn how to bf their babies without feeling emotionally fraught.

For me it was a bit complicated by the fact that ds1 just would not eat, no matter how hard we tried, whether we gave him bm or formula. By the end of it I would have fed him McDonald's if I could have just got him to eat anything, anything at all.

And yet everyone kept going on at me like it was my fault, for wanting to bf/having started out bf/not insisting enough on the formula, you name it.

I have never felt so fragile in my entire life. Or so attacked from all sides.

(was eventually sorted through medication, he had really bad reflux which caused burns in his oesophagus, hence the refusal to feed)

LMFAO about the "risks " of BF

I EBF - it was tricky to begin with but I was determined and luckily had support= I was the only woman to BF on an entire ward of newly delivered mothers .
I had one to one support and it was brilliant.
NOTHING on this earth would have persuaded me that FF was better for my babies ,despite the constant undermining from the media.

alpaca how did the media undermine you? Bf when it works is the best thing, when it doesnt it isnt. It's kind of as simple as that other than it may work for more (but still not all) with better support.

Fair dos Alpaca, but I don't think that was the question. The OP was asking why there's such an element of guilt surrounding giving up breastfeeding or introducing formula and asking why it's such an emotive topic for some mothers.

Nobody is suggesting that formula is better than breast, or that breast is better than formula, only trying to understand the emotional response behind the guilt and why women feel so guilty when nursing doesn't work out the way they expected.

It didn't toby Despite the constant messages of bf is hard, wrong,FF is easier etc.
I knew what was best for my babies and they could fuck off !
I LOVED BF
it IS the best way to feed babies .

Lucky you didn't end up with 1 in SCBU for a week and 2 very nearly.

There are risks to bfing and we experienced them.

Mini-do you have links to any of the stats you are mentioning?

People are told that breastfeeding gives a baby the best start in life. Ff gives the implication that you are not giving your baby the best start, and this is where the guilt comes in.

The answer is they don't get the support they need.

BF is described as tough, hard, difficult right from the start.
er so is learning to drive but most of us learn.
FF companies don't want us to BF because they dont gain.

Learning to drive was a walk in the park compared to bfing.

Just sayin.

BF is a high indicator of increased outcomes in prem/unwell babies.
I donated my excess BM when mine were small Lepetit
It is lifesaving .

But most babies aren't prem or unwell.

As an aside my baby was unwell and bfing nearly killed her.

Oh keep changing the goal posts
No mine weren't prem/unwell but I donated my BM to help tiny babies who were.
Sounds like you needed assistance and didn't get it.

Lepetit - mine too

Alpaca - whether you mean to or not you're being offensive to those of us who have said that our babies were ill because we bf them. My meds seriously fucked up ds' blood sugars / blood pressure.
I assume '

BF is described as tough, hard, difficult right from the start.

By who? That was not the impression I was given, believe me.

Sorry - I assume NOTHING on this earth would have persuaded me that FF was better for my babies would be over ruled by 'you need to stop bf because your baby is dangerously ill'

Oh I got assistance,too much.Bfeeding was pushed when ffing should have been turned to.

alpaca - breastfeeding worked out well for you and you loved breastfeeding. That's great, really it is. You are right, physically it is the best way to feed a baby, how can it not be, it's human juice!

For a million reasons, some women don't breastfeed, or don't breastfeed for very long. We have formula which, when prepared correctly, is a good alternative to breastsmilk. In fact it's a bloody great alternative! It will never be as good as breastsmilk as that is pretty much physically impossible but like anything in life, people base their decisions on pros and cons.

not being offensive- in the vast majority of cases BF is way and above the best thing for your baby.
unless you are on medication that is contraindicative. (not rocket science)

BM is protective - that's my point, it protects tiny babies who are at risk of gut problems and perforation from NEC .

Wasn't the best thing for mine(dehydration aside) being exposed to stress,miserable mum and cortisol by the shedloads certainly wasn't the best option.

Ffing was way and above the best option and I wasn't on medication.