To wonder why how you feed your baby is such an emotive subject?

[Absofrigginlootly]

Currently 3&1/2 weeks into BF my pfb/DD

Have had no end of feeding issues due to tongue tie, poor latch, constant cluster feeding, fractious baby and no sleep (alongside fertility issues, anxious pregnancy and very traumatic delivery)....

At my best moments I am feeling proud of the fact I've kept going so far. DD is putting on weight beautifully and following her centile line exactly. Lots of the daytime she seems happy and content.

At my worst (desperate!) moments (usually 3am when DD has been cluster feeding for hours and is being very fractious and i feel completely EXHAUSTED!) I think about all the advantages of FF (namely being able to share the feeds and have some physical/mental space from her for a while)......

But what stops me?! .....Guilt? Obligation? Self pressure? Desire to do what's deemed "right" or "best" for her?! Reading some of the feeding pages where people talk about expressing off pure blood etc (!) but still keeping going BF part of me reads it and thinks "gosh, why put yourself through it?!" ....but then I'm doing the same! Why.....? I don't know really if I'm honest.

What are your thoughts? Why do women persist despite the difficulties? Societal pressure? Guilt/obligation? And if you decided to FF, how did that make you feel? We're you fine with your decision?

Ps....please don't let this turn into a "breast is best"/ BF vs FF bunfight.....I am just genuinely interested to hear your thoughts, mainly as it may help me understand my own feelings that aim currently struggling with

Thanks :)

Pressure and gut tripping wrong. Info and advice right.
I went into pregnancy not wanting to bf. But ended up wanting to and persevering - I felt a bit pressured in my pregnancy to at least try it - and am glad now of that ( as I might not have without it).
I was a ff baby and was not into the idea of bf - possible because of what my mother had talked about .The preconceptions I had were challenged in the run up to having my son and I don't see anything wrong with that.

Please excuse typos - fat fingers on iPhone.

Ischippy that's not my point. What I am saying is that some of us don't think it's a huge deal whether you breastfeed or not. I don't see the point of making mums feel inadequate because they quit breastfeeding because of problems they have with it. There are alternatives to feed your baby nowadays. If I had found it a struggle I am not sure I would have pursued.

The NHS also has a HUGE agenda to push breastfeeding. Is this necessarily beneficial to new mothers struggling with inadequacy issues? Parenting is hard enough!

mrs jacobs I really dont think chippy's making anyone feel inadequate,just their own touchiness and maybe desire to take offence,also think people being bit aggro and lecturing to her(ironic considering that preachiness is supposed to be a bf trait)

Was not meant to be implying Ischippy was being the one making new mums feel inadequate, I was talking about hospitals/medical staff/other mums etc in general.

Because Bodicea it's still down to luck.

The vast maj push themselves to the brink but it still doesn't work in the same way many try for a natural birth or conception.

"Success" for want of a better word is largely down to luck in all 3. Not some super human tenacity or effort.Bodies,pain thresholds,circumstances and babies differ- lot.

I disagree and agree LePetit but the idea its down to luck is what is letting women down.

I had quite a few problems with feeding DC1 and it was the assistance of a fantastic friend ( LLL BF supporter) who explained that what was happening was normal ,showed me how to latch correctly and when my nipples were excruciating showed me how to use shields for a few weeks to get me over the worst.
Without her help I probably would have given up.
So yes having her as a friend was lucky but it was her teaching me how to BF that meant my BF was successful .
I was physically and mentally well after having my DC1 and I know that for many women the added effort of BF is too much too cope with when they are recovering themselves - so you are right that bodies, pain ,babies and circumstances differ.
yes I was lucky I had easy deliveries, a supportive family and a well baby but it was that combined with knowledge which meant I BF successfully.

I think what this post shows is if you can do - if you can't/dint want to - don't - seek out experience / opinions to support your choices and don't give a fig what people say -
Both methods are equal as long as baby / mother is thriving.

And in six months to one years time no one will give a stuff (if they ever did) how you fed your baby - !!!!

Breast is best and formula isn't as good - fact. This is where the guilt comes in. BUT you have to do what's right for you. Bf is bloody hard, I didn't enjoy it, made my first year extremely hard whith each of my bf children compared to ff one. If I had more I woukd probably combine feed to be honest (and stuff the bloody Virgin gut)

Bf were I live is seen as something odd and weird

Well I would prefer to enjoy my time with my child have good memories surely that is best for all - as I said by one or maybe even sooner no one gives a stuff how you fed your baby. it's not on medical info you fill in as kids get older - nor on school entrances etc - because the perceived benefits are not worth making life miserable for (IMHE) And I think the guilt some BF mothers feed from the it's best and you are not doing your best if you can't do it - is not helpful and damaging.

The NHS also has a HUGE agenda to push breastfeeding

Yes of course they do because it's best for babies! They're not doing it to make people feel bad for their choices it's hugely in their interest. I am completely baffled when people say things like this yet don't have a problem with the way formula companies use underhand methods with their HUGE agenda to push formula onto is. Difference is MHS cares about your baby, formula companies care about your money.

Both methods are equal as long as baby / mother is thriving.
And in six months to one years time no one will give a stuff (if they ever did) how you fed your baby - !!!

I really do feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall.
Some people DO CARE!!!! For reasons I'm not repeating it was important to me and many people I know how they feed their baby. And it will matter in years to come I can assure you.
And the two methods are far from equal. Again it baffles me people still think this. I'm not being judgemental when I say that at all but people are highly u fluency by what they read on these threads and the perception in some places that BM and formula are equal needs to be quashed otherwise how can women make informes choices.

FFS I ahould proof read before I press 'post'
*NHS not MHS
*influenced not u fluency
*informed not informes

But the fact is Chippy - the mother may care but honestly no one else does (why would they ?)
But I guess what I am saying is that they both do a good job - yes there are other benefits to BF (possibly in terms of immunity/reduction of allergies - although there is obviously a HUGE genetic influence here too).
You want to think there is some huge benefit then good for you but I am not sure how old your children are - but things like pollution, future diet, what school they go to, what teachers they have even what friends they have will have far more bearing on their life outcomes/future health than wether they were FF or BF. if you think otherwise then that's up to you.

So getting hung up on BF/FF is bonkers.
What needs to be quashed is people's idea that they are doing some damage by giving formula

I BF all my 3 until 2 so it was discussed at appts, HV etc

Last year when I had a breast lump the first thing my GP and the clinic asked was " did you BF and how long for?"

Bizarre to suggest BF mothers feed on others guilt
why on earth would my BF or discussing BF be solely to make others feel guilty???
I BF to benefit my baby and I do think it is important and it is something I care about years later.

I go running because I enjoy it and because its good for me - I don't go running to make others feel guilty because they don't do it !!!

But which people actually think they are causing damage by giving formula?

Formula was not an option in my eyes but I certainly don't think other women are damaging their babies if they FF.

Really Alpa - I am genuinely surprised - I didn't see HV after 6 weeks - well other than injections but no discussion of feeding then.

I don't think I have mentioned your BF or discussing it making people feel guilty ? - sorry if I had would not have wanted to do that.

There is a type of Breast cancer which is increased when people BF (I know because I thought I had it!) - inflammatory breast cancer - google it if you don't believe me.

I am not trying to make anyone feel bad or guilty Ai am just saying both are OK - end of - you keep coming back with that is not true.

70 I'm not sure why you're so hell bent on insisting there's nothing that great about BFing. My DD is 18 months and has eczema and asthma because her dad has it (like u rightly say BFIng was NEVER gonna keep these away). Me BFing possibly means it's not as bad as it could be, now and in the future so it DOES have a significant bearing on her life.

And other people do care how I feed her - my DH but more importantly my DD cares (well right now she does) and that's important to me.

I don't know why you mention people suggesting that formula will damage babies. Who exactly has said it will? This always happens on these threads, people get defensive saying they feel judged etc, yet no one has actually said anything untoward it's just their personal insecurities manifesting.

I just find it apiteful people who want to silence mothers pride on BFing in case it hurts someone else's feelings who tried but couldn't. No other instances in life do we silence people's successes. I am bloody proud of what I've done and if that offends people it 'makes them feel guilt' then they'll just have to lump it and perhaps get a thicker skin

With my first I tried to breast feed until it was pointed out to me that my milk just was not coming through. So I gave up miserably and tried the bottle and from then on in my tiny baby who had lost weight started putting it on like there was no tomorrow.

With my second I didn't even bother trying because of the first. Straight to the bottle. I had her in Germany and they gave me tablets to ensure that my milk didn't come through (doubt it would of anyway) and didn't make me feel guilty at all.

Also 70 I believe that it's actually that BFing has no influence on reducing the risk of inflammatory Breast cancer, not that it causes it. Meanwhile WHO studies have a great deal of evidence to show lactating reduces risk of cancers in both mum and baby

I am not trying to silence you - really I'm not - where have I said that? I don't really feel I have been defensive - what have I got to be defensive about ? Do u know how I fed my children ????

you have kind of made my point for me - wax lyrical now about how you feed because I guarantee you people are not that interested later on - including your DD - (more interested in latest blooming phone ime) - I don't feel guilty, jealous or anything.
If your children turn out a jot like mine then you'll be lucky ;). (Tongue in cheek)

Not what GP or research told me Chippy regarding IBC and having lived through it I can sure you if that!!!!!!!!

70 last part of my para wasn't targeted at you but things other people have said on this thread about BFing mums keeping schtum about their success with it (sorry my posting style is sometimes a bit scattergun!)

And do you only do things if people care about them later on? I will fucking care in 20 years time that I did it. I care now, my DD cares now. Is that not a good reason to do it and celebrate it? It doesn't matter to me what other people think, now or in the future. It's so bizarre to suggest you should take other people's views in the future into account in big decisions.

Could you point me in the direction to that research please 70 and I would happily eat humble pie.

Not to be a GF but this is an example of double standards in the BFing discussion - it's ok for you to say BFing can cause Breast cancer but I'd be lynched if I said FF babies at more at risk of cancer (also a fact)